It was a moving letter of public interest that Franck Dubosc read to his community on March 18. On Instagram, the 60-year-old comedian and actor shared a powerful text, written in 2015 by American psychologist Gretchen Schmelzer, putting himself in the shoes of an adolescent, and published on his site. “Here is the letter that your teenager cannot write to you,” he began, addressing all parents currently having to work against their children's adolescent crisis.
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“Dear parent, here is the letter I wish I could write to you. This conflict we are in now, I need it, continued the father of Raphaël (14 years old) and Milhan (12 years old). I can't explain it because I don't have the vocabulary to do so, but I need this fight desperately. I need to hate you right now, and I need you to survive it, no matter what we argue about: bedtime, homework, dirty laundry, my messy room, going out. or not going out, my boyfriend, my dating, whatever. I need to fight with you about these things and I need you to fight me in return.”
And to continue: “I desperately need you to hold one side of the rope while I hold the other side, to find support in this new world to which I belong. Pushing the limits allows me to discover them, then I feel like I exist and for a minute I can breathe. I know you remember the sweet child I was, I know because I miss that child too. I want you to love me even when it seems to you that I don't love you. Now I need you to love yourself and me, for both of us.”
Franck Dubosc added, still the teenager's skin, that he could not help anything at the moment, urging each parent to talk about it to those around them to relieve the pressure linked to this situation. “If you need to talk about it with other adults I agree, but don’t abandon me. Don't give up this fight, I need it. It is this conflict that will teach me that my shadow is not greater than my light.” After the criticism, the moments of despair during which the parent will have the impression that nothing is “ever enough” for their child, then “the storm will pass”. “Please hold on to the other end of the rope, and know that you are doing the most important work anyone can do for me right now. With love, your teenager,” he concluded.
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Mixed reactions
Under the post, comments poured in. Some parents have found the support they need to better manage their emotions. Karine Le Marchand emphasized that she had read the work of psychologist Gretchen Schmelzer, at the origin of the missive, for several years. “She puts things in their rightful place,” she wrote. “Wonderful letter. This period of adolescence is, so to speak, over for us – my sons are now 19 and 21 years old – but the memory of this complex period was revived by this reading,” declared an Internet user. However, some were mixed by the comments made.
“As a teenager I don't need this conflict, only love, understanding and support in my difficult times. I don't want you to fight against me, I need my voice to be heard, to be treated as an equal, as a complete being and not a child. No rope to hold except the one who connects us. I don't need conflict to feel like I exist, but love to allow me to move forward. No conflict, I can’t stand it any longer,” we can read under the post. Another young person responded, explaining that he found it “very reductive and discrediting”. “If we disagree with our parents, it is not always as it seems to be said here to seek confrontation, but quite simply because we are beings in our own right, and that, necessarily, we do not share always the same opinions as those who brought us into the world, which is quite normal.” Although the letter is not unanimous, Franck Ducs' reading has been appreciated nearly 90,000 times.