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In September, my little sister turns twelve. She enjoys listening to Korean pop music, is popular with her circle of friends, is in sixth grade - and now wants to start wearing a headscarf. "The poor kid!" I think. In my mind's eye, I can see how stones are not only placed in their path but literally dredged to the feet.
There will be people who strangely look at her on the street. Some friends will turn away from her because they find her headscarf uncool. Teachers will rarely let them have their say and rate them worse than before. If she falls in love for the first time, the boy may not dare to stand by her. And if she applies for a job after school, someone might ask, "Can you take off the headscarf at work?"
I do not wish all that to my little sister. I want to protect them from the debates in politics and the media, in which it is discussed up and down, when women are allowed to carry around how much material on their heads. Currently, the Tübingen constitutional lawyer Martin Nettesheim has submitted an opinion, according to which a headscarf ban for girls up to 14 years is legally permissible. He also thinks it makes sense because it allegedly protects against discrimination. I beg your pardon?
Such prohibitions only increase fears, racist structures and prevent integration. And they criminalize people who wear a piece of clothing that already has many prejudices. The eternal debate about it is tiring, disempowering and it pushes you out of the feeling of normalcy again and again. The message that arrives: "Something's wrong with you!" The error is not with my sister.
I knew very well what I wanted
I wore a headscarf myself when I was the same age as my sister - and I still do it today. I really wanted that back then. When I started, my dad was happy. My mother was worried. Today I can understand her very well. She also wears a headscarf and wanted to protect her child. But I did not feel like a kid then. I knew very well what I wanted and what did not. I was able to express this to adults, to stand up for me, to argue - and to rebel.
If a young girl wants to start wearing a headscarf, it's not like having a piercing pierced or the hair pink. Others often feel like parents are forcing their child to do so. As if they did not love their child. Not wanting the best for your child, but suppressing and tormenting it.
Because the headscarf is often associated with the oppression of the woman. Understandable, because in many countries where women are mostly wearing headscarves, they do not have the same rights as men. There are even countries where women are forced to wear a headscarf and punished if they do not. This must be combated, because women and men should have the same rights everywhere in the world and freely decide how they want to shape their lives.
In Germany this is the case in almost all areas. When children come here to school, they learn there at the latest that they have a right to the free development of their personality, women and men are equal and free to express their opinions and to live out their religion.
My parents wanted to give me their faith
In Germany children live in a protected environment. In a jurisdiction where the state, if in doubt, takes responsibility for them, if their parents harm them too much. But the state also protects the family because it is considered best for the children if their care is up to their parents.
Of course, parents also make mistakes. If they torment it with piano lessons, force them to do competitive sports, only feed them with fast food or forbid them from visiting friends. But when you put a child into the world, you have not only the duty to take care of it, but also the right to educate the child according to your own ideas. The state does not interfere, as long as the child is not mistreated or neglected. And that's just as well!
My parents consider it important to give their children their faith. They are both religious Muslims. I grew up with that. That never meant that I forced myself to go to the mosque or pray against my will. They have taught me that it matters to them and what it means to them. And I've gone through many things and not many. The headscarf belongs to her - beside praying, fasting, donating and being humble - simply to her life. And I have decided for myself that it also belongs to me.
Prohibition would not help against coercion
Of course, there are also some Muslim parents who are very conservative and strict, whose daughters may not dare to say that they do not want to wear a headscarf. But introducing a ban on this small group would be absurd. That would not help these children at all.
Parents who consider it so important that their child wears a headscarf would hardly be deterred by such a ban - and oblige their daughters in doubt outside the school gates to cover their heads. It could be that the children then take off their headscarves only in the classroom, as it was often done in Turkey, when it was still prohibited there.
With such a measure one would not help Muslim girls in Germany at all - but only help to make them feel even torn between their parents' home and the German school. An exhausting balancing act between the cultures. In the worst case, a headscarf ban on very conservative parents could even lead them to send their children to private schools or even abroad, to their home countries.
The organization "Terre des Femmes" has commissioned the new report to Martin Nettesheim and has been pleading for headscarf bans for years. If she wants to do something about headscarves, then please in countries where no sophisticated legal system and an open and democratic society will ensure the well-being of women like me.
Every woman has to decide for herself whether she wants to wear the headscarf or not. Nobody should be forced to do that. And nobody should be forced to take it off. Not my little sister either.
