What does it mean to be asexual? Asexuality is not celibacy or abstinence. This is what it is, and it is not

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(CNN) - Being asexual in a culture where sex permeates almost everything can be a challenge.

Many people have difficulty understanding how someone might not be interested in sex. Are they repressed? Are they afraid of privacy? Have you not met the right person yet?

But as any asexual person would tell you, it is none of the above.

This is what asexuality is and what it is not, according to the resources of Aces and Aros, The Asexual Visibility & Education Network and The Trevor Project.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation.

For most teenagers and adults, feeling sexually attracted to another person, whether someone of the same sex, opposite sex or outside the gender binary, is a reality.

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But not everyone relates to that feeling. That's where asexuality comes in.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation in which a person experiences little or no sexual attraction to another person and / or no desire for sexual contact, according to Aces & Aros.

There are some people who may experience sexual attraction under certain circumstances, but feel that their experiences align more with asexuality than with other orientations. People who fit that umbrella are called "aces" for short, and can identify as asexual, gray-asexual or semi-sexual.

Someone who is gray-asexual, or grisexual, experiences sexual attraction rarely or only in specific circumstances or may experience sexual attraction without the accompanying sexual desire. Grasexuals also refer to people who fluctuate between periods of experiencing and not experiencing sexual attraction.

Someone who is demisexual only experiences sexual attraction if there is a strong emotional bond.

It is not celibacy or abstinence

Since asexuality is a sexual orientation, it is not a choice.

That makes asexual people different from those who choose not to have sex for religious reasons or to prevent pregnancy. It does not mean that aces have privacy problems.

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Many people in the spectrum of asexuality are romantically attracted to others and may desire a deep emotional relationship. They may want to fall in love and hug or hold hands, or they may want a platonic relationship that goes beyond traditional friendship.

In other words, for many aces, Netflix and relax really means Netflix and relax.

It doesn't mean something is wrong

Aces are often told that they have not yet found the right person.

Some mental and medical health professionals may still misunderstand asexual identity. As a result, asexual people can be told that their lack of sexual desire is due to mental illness or disability.

"The idea that asexuality is the result that something is wrong or somehow something has been broken is incorrect," Brian Langevin, executive director of Ace Week, told CNN.

Because many asexual people are transgender or non-binary, some professionals may attribute their lack of sexual attraction to hormonal therapy, medications or other causes. While those things can influence sexual desire, says Langevin, it doesn't make that person's asexual identity less valid.

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"Regardless of any specific reason someone can identify as asexual, their identity is valid," Langevin said. "They probably spent a lot of time and thought about that decision, so it is better to take it to the letter and recognize that they understand their identity better than you."

Some aces can still have sex

Asexuality is typically defined as the lack of sexual attraction to another person. But sexual attraction is different from sexual desire, the body's physiological response to sexual stimulation.

Many aces still experience a libido, it is simply not directed at a specific person. Some aces may masturbate or choose to participate in sexual activities in certain cases, but for the most part, aces do not want to have sex.

Aces often have other identities

It is difficult to say how many people identify as asexual, but the most widely cited figure is that asexual people represent approximately 1% of the population, according to the Asexual Education and Visibility Network.

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Aces are often identified as LGBTQ +, says Aces & Aros, possibly because they see asexuality as an LGBTQ + identity or because they have another identity that falls under the LGBTQ + umbrella. More than one in 10 people in the community are transgender, and 3 in 10 are non-binary, according to community survey data.

Ace's communities are mainly women, and respondents are disproportionately white and non-Hispanic. Aces & Aros points out that this is likely because people of color may be less likely to participate in asexual communities and surveys and have access to online resources on asexuality.

Many aces are disabled or have a mental illness, according to community survey data.

There is still a long way to go

Asexuality has advanced a lot in the dominant consciousness in recent years.

In 2014, "Game of Thrones" confirmed that the character Lord Varys was asexual, according to Vox. The Netflix show “BoJack Horseman” began exploring the asexual identity of the character Todd Chavez in 2016. A year later, the Freeform Shadowhunters drama described asexuality through his character Raphael Santiago.

But most people are not familiar with asexuality, and some may not even realize that asexual is a term they can use to describe themselves.

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One of the most common signs that could indicate that someone is asexual, says Langevin, is not being able to relate to their peers when talking about who they find "attractive." Another is to think that representations of sex in movies or television are unpleasant.

However, ultimately, it is up to that person to decide if asexual etiquette makes sense to them. Langevin says that a good way to explore this identity is through online resources on asexuality and by talking with others who identify as asexual.

Specifically, they recommend the Asexual Network of Visibility and Education, which contains a large archive of information, as well as forums to talk with others and read about their experiences. Aces & Aros also has a list of community groups that have meetings in cities across the US.

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