For Tessa Ganserer, it still feels like a constant "public soul striptease". It costs them strength every day, and yet Ganserer cannot see the fatigue. She sits upright in her chair, her chin stretched slightly forward, her hands folded in her lap. Perhaps this is the only way to meet the interest in their struggle: with calm, with self-confidence, with controlled clarity.
For a year now, Tessa Ganserer has not only been a politician, but also with her personal history in public. Because a year ago she came out as the first German MP to be transident. As Markus Ganserer, she moved into the Bavarian state parliament for the second time in 2018. Instead of Markus, Tessa is now sitting in the plenary hall. A trans woman makes politics in the conservatively governed Bavarian state parliament, just a few rows away from the AfD.
Ganserer hesitated for a long time before a public outing: "I was not sure whether I was up to it emotionally." And since then, a lot has actually sprinkled on her: the faction colleagues stood in line to hug her and congratulate her. Strangers sent her admiring messages and wished her luck.
But there are also those who insult them on the Internet and make fun of them. Or the AfD deputies, who preferred to keep their hands in their lap when applauding President Ilse Aigner that Ganserer should now be addressed as a woman rather than applaud.
However, Ganserer does not show any anger at such moments, she talks about insult and rejection with an impassive expression. The Green politician is at peace, at least that's how it looks to the outside world. She does not regret the move to the public: "I am incredibly glad that I am where I am today."
A life of inner conflict
Her story is like a search for herself: Even as a child, she noticed that something didn't feel right. For a long time she suppressed these feelings, but could never completely shake off the longing for another life. At the end of 20, Ganserer experienced what she describes as a key moment: she put on make-up, put on her wig and dress. "It was a feeling like when a small child really recognizes his reflection for the first time." Ganserer is now beginning to live out her being a woman, but secretly and only for a few hours - when she has the apartment she shares with her wife to himself.
Ganserer buys cosmetics and clothes in order to throw everything away. "Hoping I could get rid of it like this." You will not get rid of it. Instead, Ganserer's wife eventually finds cosmetics that don't belong to her in the bathroom - and confronts her. Ganserer explains that she is not a man, but a woman. From then on, the couple shared Ganserer's secret. Your marriage strengthened that, says Ganserer. The two are still together. Today, they fight for the rights of transsexuals together, face the public together.
For a long time, Ganserer kept her job strictly separate from her private life. In politics she continues to appear as Markus Ganserer. Only in private does she allow herself to be a woman. She puts on make-up before going to the cinema in the evening, goes shopping in a wig and dress.
The worry about being recognized by someone is great at this time - the longing to be a woman, but even greater. "It was hell for me to have to slip back into the male role after a nice day as a woman," says Ganserer.
Nevertheless, she lives in this conflict for years. She does not want to come out, is afraid of the reactions. But the stakes that the state demanded of transsexuals are too high for her. "If I went into transition in 2006, my two sons would not be alive today," explains Ganserer.
"The transsexual law is a violation of human rights"
Until 2011, the German Transsexuals Act forced those affected to undergo sterilization. Anyone who wanted to have the gender changed in their documents had to give up the desire for their own children. The change in sex can only be determined by a court if the person concerned is "permanently unable to reproduce". It was only in 2011 that the Federal Constitutional Court ruled that this clause violated the Basic Law. It has not been used since then, but remains in the legal text.
In 2006, Ganserer was still faced with the decision: to have children or to live openly as the person who they are? She decides on the chance to have children. "I couldn't imagine not having children." Not long after the decision was made, her first son was born.
"The transsexual law is a violation of human rights," says Ganserer today. Nevertheless, the law continues to shape the legal situation. If you want to have your official gender entry changed, you still need to have two doctors certify that you are actually transsexual.
For Ganserer it is clear that she will not bow to these provisions - even if that means that her birth certificate still says "male". "I'm not going to let a judge decide if I can be who I am. I want to be able to keep my human dignity, and I want that state to accept me."
Peter Kneffel / DPA
Greens Landtag MEP Tessa Ganserer: Like a constant "public soul striptease"
Adapting their appearance is also a hurdle for Ganserer. Her hair is long and blonde, she has swapped her jackets for silk blouses, and she is working with a speech therapist to make her voice sound more feminine.
"I can't meditate my beard away"
But to get more expensive treatments financed by the health insurance, Ganserer has to do psychotherapy for twelve months. Only then can trans people receive hormone treatment, for example, or have their beards lasered away. Ganserer thinks this is an untenable condition: "I take the therapy place away from a person who urgently needs psychotherapy." Nevertheless, she is dependent on the treatments and therefore also on the therapy: "I can't meditate my beard."
As queer political spokeswoman for the Greens, Ganserer is therefore committed to changing the legal situation for trans people. The Transsexuals Act wants to abolish them, and when it comes to medical care, she pleads for individual decisions. So far, little has moved. A reformulation of the Transsexuals Act failed in the summer when the then Federal Minister of Justice Katarina Barley (SPD) and Interior Minister Horst Seehofer worked out a corresponding proposal, but after loud criticism from the associations concerned, made it disappear again in the drawer.
The conservative parties in the country in particular do not take the concerns of those affected seriously, says Ganserer. "A politician like Annegret Kramp-Karrenbauer stands there and makes fun of minorities." She alludes to the CDU chairperson's carnival appearance in spring 2019 when they joked about intersexuals. At the same time, Kramp-Karrenbauer is blocking laws that would make it easier for minorities to exercise their rights, Ganserer complains.
When she talks about the legal situation for trans people and the slow change process, Ganserer's controlled calm gives way to a determined determination. She is a politician and affected, her personal struggle has now become a political one: "In the future, trans people will have to have it easier so that they don't torture themselves like me for half their lives."