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(CNN Spanish) - It's official: the day has come when you'll see how roses, chocolate boxes, gifts, teddy bears and even marriage proposals multiply. With the Valentine's Day comes the official date on which most people celebrate love. And precisely because of that, it comes with its own dose of pressure: from how to celebrate it if you have a partner to the way to survive it if you don't like it or if you are going through a duel that has you with a broken heart (we know it's real ).
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So, before the enthusiasm overflowed by this date begins to generate anxiety or discomfort, we have gathered these expert tips so you can go through the 24 hours with more hearts of the year without major setbacks.
1. There is nothing wrong with feeling pressure
The psychologist and sexologist César Galicia says that the first step is to recognize that the pressure exists - regardless of whether you are in a couple or not - and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you for feeling it. "That pressure is real, it is something that the vast majority of people do not choose," he says. Either because you need the perfect date with your partner, because you have not found what to give him, or because it has to be a very romantic day, to the other extreme: you are not with anyone and you do not want to feel alone. "Almost all people will feel pressure that day, even those who say they hate Valentine, because they hate him for something, the chip is already inside, nobody escapes from this system," he added.
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In that sense, remember that it is a day that is also linked to consumption, to the fact of buying to show our affection. “It is a date that is made to turn love into a product, but although we know that, the need behind it is the same that all people have: that of feeling loved, special, that the moments we are living are worth the pity, that they are cute, that we will remember them, that there are reasons to celebrate, ”he completed. Then, it is time to live with the pressure to take the next step.
2. Create a plan for Valentine's Day: here is the power of your decision
Galicia remembers that the last word is in your hands: “You can choose to participate or not, there is your decision”. Which translates into having a plan that can even change for you the meaning of celebrating Valentine's Day. And this also includes the fact of simply not wanting to do anything extraordinary and consider it to be any other day.
If you are single, the expert suggests meeting with your friends, including those who have a partner and use the day to celebrate friendship.
"We're going to turn it around, we're going to celebrate something else ... I'm going to celebrate what I want," he explains.
If you prefer to be alone, then you can consider it as a date with yourself: watch a movie, relax, think it's an ordinary day. There is also the option that this day you allocate it to do what you like most or some activity that you have not practiced for some time.
In the case of those who have a partner, sex therapist Sari Cooper told CNN for a previous article that communicating with each other and designing a joint plan can make a difference. "Talk to your partner about what you will like about this day and if you feel that Valentine is important to you," he explained.
"They can create a celebration between them (or not) that is a collaborative event, making commitments to their wishes and designing a realistic plan to ensure that both feel heard," he said.
3. Understand what you feel and transform it
The psychologist expert in masturbation Alicia Delicia emphasizes that much of the value that has this day - especially towards women - “seems to be focused on how successful my sex relationship is or not. It is necessary to know that it is very valid to feel all this part of worry, of rejection, of loneliness ”. But it is also healthy to see beyond, especially if you have just ended a relationship, are you thinking about doing it or have doubts about your partner.
“Closing I think that in general it can be difficult because they have taught us that it is the most painful thing: when a relationship ends it looks like a failure and there comes a lot of pain, thinking about what is wrong with me, what the other person did or does not say. But, he adds that it should also be understood that a relationship is terminated when "there is a point of non-compatibility."
It is there that it is necessary to rescue the most valuable of the relationship, pause and say: what I learned from this relationship. “That pain that can be felt, now that at the body and mental level, how good because it is a reminder that we have the capacity to love and is a desire. What is needed is to say where I want to take that love, with whom I want to share it, to grow, to feel good, ”adds the psychologist.
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Along the same lines, César Galicia says that you have to think of heartbreak "as a raw" (guava or hangover). “A drunkenness does not end at the point where you finish drinking. It ends at the last moment you feel the raw, and you take it for granted when you decide to get super drunk. It's the same with love, ”he explains. According to him, a broken heart is an essential part of being in love (which in its analogy would be drunkenness), you cannot have one without the other, you cannot separate them and instead of avoiding it you have to face it. "If you think of heartbreak as raw is easier: this is a natural part of the emotional cocktail that got into my brain, someday it will end, then I have to look at how I do to make this natural process less painful." Go out with your friends, take some time for yourself, do new activities, he suggests.
4. Add some spice to the routine: try something new
Again, this is something you can do if you are single or as a couple. The therapist Francie Stone had previously told CNN that "one way to increase intimacy on this date is to take a different stance on things and make everything fun." One that she gives to those who have relationships is to put together a basket with suggestive products such as massage oil, a pen, a blindfold and similar objects with the aim of awakening the imagination. "This helps make the night playful without necessarily having the pressure of a sexual relationship," he said.
For its part, Alicia Delicia says that Valentine can be an opportunity to have fun with yourself, knowing you. As he explains, it is usually thought “that you have to be with another person to be able to provide this kind of pleasure, of incredible experience, which is not the case and is not competition either”. Hence, I recommend exploring tastes and discovering pleasure in one's own body. A good gift for oneself? "Give yourself a sex toy," he says.
5. Embrace your broken heart: heartbreak hurts physically
Broken heart syndrome is a reality and can lead to cardiac consequences, according to the American Heart Association. "There are links between depression, mental health and heart disease," says the entity. The well-known broken heart syndrome, also called stress myopathy, can affect you even if you are healthy, says the association. What is experienced is “sudden and intense chest pain, as a reaction to an increase in stress hormones, which can be caused by an emotional and stressful event. It could be the death of a loved one or even a divorce, breakup or physical separation. ” And there is more.
César Galicia points out that when something romantic does not happen, when we lose a person the same areas of the brain are activated from physical pain. “A broken heart hurts. And it hurts seriously. The areas of the brain are also activated as in an obsession, so you feel nervous, ”he explains. So, first you have to take it seriously and look for ways to curb that pain, he says.
Then understand and process that the fact that a couple has left you or you leave a couple "does not mean you failed." And this is the explanation: "We equate love with validation, so when we finish what we feel is that we are not worth it, that we did things wrong and not." Something that, in his words, must be re-educated, we must release: “If I am alone, if I do not have a partner does not mean that nobody loves me, does not mean that I am not worth it, we must put all the other dimensions of your life and understand that romantic is just one of them. ” In short, that relationship and that love do not define you as a human being.
And in the end, February 14 has only 24 hours.
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