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Editor's Note: David M. Perry is a journalist and historian. He is a senior academic advisor in the Department of History at the University of Minnesota. Follow him on Twitter. The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author.
(CNN) - I give you a simple guideline: do not post photos or videos of your children on the internet without your consent. If you can't follow this rule, and let's be honest, all parents like to share nice photos of our babies, at least don't post moments of their children's worst day. Even if they don't oppose, they will probably hate it in a decade.
Right now, the viral video of a 9-year-old Australian boy named Quaden Bayles, which has a form of dwarfism called achondroplasia, circulates around the world. The mother recorded her son sitting in the backseat of the car and published it online. It is heartbreaking. Hide your face in the seat. Cry inconsolably. Ask for a knife to kill yourself. His mother tells the camera that his son, in fact, has already attempted suicide. "This is what bullying does," says the mother visibly hurt. "Can you educate your children, your families, your friends?"
More than 20 million views later, the Facebook video led celebrities to express their support, and $ 440,000 was collected at GoFundMe for a trip to Disneyland. The story seems to have at least certain visions of happy ending, in this sense.
But we must consider something else here. However loving the intentions behind this video were (and I understand this mother's despair), the fact is that for the rest of the child's life her name will probably always be associated with this. And even more, the viralization of the video will make other parents may want to emulate it, and continue to violate the privacy of their children. Just because we have the ability to share videos of our children with the rest of the world, does not mean we should get carried away by our impulses. There has to be a better way to seek support or fight against bullying without compromising children's privacy.
The first generation of children born in the era of telephone cameras and social media platforms, such as Instagram or Facebook live, where this video was published (probably the main tools of parents who share excessively, or “overexpose their children ”), is reaching adolescence. Taylor Lorenz reported last year at The Atlantic about the complicated emotional reactions of teenagers and twenties who realize that all their lives are documented and published online without their consent.
On Reddit, someone who posts there claims to be the son or daughter of an influencer on Instagram and writes about the use of printed sweatshirts with phrases like “No to the photos”, “no to the videos” and “I do not give my consent to be photographed ”in protest. This is an extreme case, but it represents the big problem of being raised with parents ready at all times to shoot a photo.
For people with disabilities, however, the problem is especially relevant, because society often gives them the message that they do not have the right to control their bodies. Children with disabilities - more than children who do not have a disability - are placed in complicated bureaucratic, educational or medical systems that encourage them to be docile before the authority and to comply with society's norms without disabilities, rather than encouraging reaffirmation of his will and autonomy. Adults with disabilities also face having photos taken without their consent; sometimes as "inspiration" that rewards the person with the disability so that the viewer feels good, or for some other reason that has nothing to do with the wishes or well-being of the person photographed. As Rebecca Cokley writes in Rewire: "For people in marginalized groups, body autonomy is often a luxury."
Parents with autistic children also, too often, post videos of their children's tantrums, thereby digitally associating the child's name or image with a time when they lost control. Of course, parents might be asking the community for help, like the mother in Australia who needed help, but we must build support systems for families like theirs, and mine, without creating a permanent record of despair with which Our children must deal forever.
Sharing traumatic experiences without consent creates the conditions to replicate the trauma for a long time in the future: it could expose someone to more cruelty or serve as a disturbing and persistent reminder of that difficult time. After all, it is almost guaranteed that children will grow up and search for themselves on Google at some point. All children have the right to control their image and choose what to keep private. We must break this cycle.
My son has Down syndrome and is autistic. He has had his bad moments. I've had my bad times as a father too, in which I felt lost, unhappy and insecure about how to support him better. On the other hand, he loves to be looked at. When he dances at dinner or sings the Spiderman song, he takes out my phone and asks me to record it on video.
Sometimes, when I'm washing the dishes, he crosses the kitchen, puts his hand on my shoulder until I leave everything and look at it, and he says: "Me!" He wants one to witness his joy. He wants one to see it. But every time I press send or share, I think, how are you going to feel at 16, 26 or 36? What is your digital legacy and will you be happy with me when I look back? Hope so.
Children have the right to privacy and bodily autonomy. Meanwhile this happy world gives parents the tools to document every moment of their children's lives and project it to a ruthless world. I am glad that the Australian child receives the support he needs. I don't blame the mother for desperately begging the world to end the harassment.
If you were moved by this video, please investigate what your school, your church, your office and other communities are doing to create a more inclusive world and more specifically, to curb bullying. Let us all work to build a world in which viral videos are not needed to obtain positive results for children.
In the meantime, remember that your children will grow up. They will Google their names. You will want them to be happy with what they find. So please stop sharing photos and videos of your children's worst moments on the internet.
Translation of Mariana Campos
Dwarfism
