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Editor's Note: Vicky Ward is a senior reporter on CNN. She is the former CEO of Talk magazine, a former Vanity Fair contributor editor and author of "The Devil's Casino," "The Liar's Ball" and "Kushner, Inc." The opinions expressed here are his. Read more opinion at CNNe.com/opinion
(CNN) - Last week, a Washington-based media executive, who is used to attending 200 cocktails a year, decided he couldn't speak to his microwave anymore.
In contravention of the city's order to stay home, he secretly attended two different dinners in Georgetown, a thriving Washington neighborhood.
When you said this to me the first time, I assumed you had misunderstood or misheard. "Virtual dinners, right?" I asked. "No" was the answer. These were the outdated type, in person.
Each time, he explained, the host's instructions were the same. For both dinners, he entered through the back door of the property, so disapproving neighbors would not see him. They told him in advance that neither he nor any other guest could take pictures or talk about the party.
The first dinner was organized by a movie producer. A group of four listened to music and sat under heated lamps almost two meters away in the garden where dinner was served. According to the executive, none had been in contact with anyone who had suffered covid-19, as far as they knew. They had all been distancing themselves.
At that dinner, the food was prepared by a chef who was masked and gloved, and then served by the producer's wife.
At the second party, held over the weekend at the home of a Democratic political operator, one of the guests brought the food: "Lamb to celebrate Easter late." An ambassador, a city councilor and a well-known lobbyist attended. The night was mild and everyone sat outside for hours.
"People didn't want to leave," the media executive told me, speaking on condition of anonymity, to avoid being embarrassed by covid, a new abbreviated term for people who behave with apparent disregard for the safety of others. "But they had all been locked up for so long that there was a lot to discuss."
A particular topic of discussion was a recent article in The New York Times that offered, among other things, some assurances about the relative risks of transmission through clothing, hair and mail, as well as warnings about the use of hygiene. adequate.
"That article made us feel better, safer," says this person. “You can see why Boris Johnson or Prince Charles had covid-19 since they were at public events the entire time. So yes, we discussed that article and we felt a little reckless, but we also felt safe. ”
He added that the events were a blessing to his mental health. "I just had to get out of the house," he said. “I feel like a camel in the desert looking for water. Washington is a cocktail town and social interaction is our oxygen. "
The two dinners in Washington are not the only anecdotes I have heard about illicit gatherings that break the restrictions on staying at home in the country and have varying degrees of social distance.
A source told me that there was an underground hair salon in Palm Beach, Florida, which never ceased operations, despite state restrictions, and that her elderly mother insisted on sponsoring.
I also heard about the trio of real estate executives who get drunk together, rotating houses every night in a leafy Westchester suburb.
And the AA group in Virginia Beach, whose members sit in a circle in someone's garden, because, they say, virtual meetings aren't enough to keep some from falling out of the car.
Brooklyn friends have dined together on Sunday since the pandemic began. And there's a news report this week about cannabis users who police say shamelessly gathered in Manhattan to celebrate 4/20 Day. And so.
I even know older people in my home country, the United Kingdom, who have gone to each other's gardens to sit two meters away for a glass of wine. "I'd rather die than live without seeing people," offered one of them as justification.
Most of the people I spoke to are middle class or wealthy. It takes money to have a dining table in your backyard in Washington. And a lot of money to have a live chef.
It seems that just as the wealthy are better able to overcome the covid-19 than the working classes, they can also be and be more willing to break the rules of distancing.
But according to Robert Leahy, director of the American Institute of Cognitive Therapy based in Manhattan and author of the book "The Worry Cure", they may be reunited under a false sense of security in the belief that covid-19 will not touch them. "It takes a sneeze or a case to create a group," says Leahy, pointing to Fairfield County, Connecticut, which currently has 8,472 confirmed cases of covid, as an example of a wealthy enclave that has become a hot spot.
A striking new CDC chart, highlighted by CNN Chief Medical Correspondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta, on the transmission of the coronavirus between people sitting at adjacent tables in a restaurant shows that the virus can be transmitted by droplets much more easily than that until now was known.
However, noncompliance with physical distancing rules is a behavioral trend that psychologists fear we will likely see more and more in the coming weeks, as state by state, the nation expects an uneven legal reopening.
"I think there will be a growing default that is simply due to human nature," says Leahy.
“Even when there is no pandemic, we as a species tend to make decisions that negatively affect our public health based on our immediate need, whether it be smoking, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, overeating, overspending… we are connected to seek immediate gratification. Remember, we were scavengers once. That's why it's so difficult, "says Leahy. "The difficulty people have is in uncertainty about how long they have to wait to get back to doing what they used to do."
But Leahy says the fundamental question for people to think about before meeting, like groups in Washington and elsewhere, is this: “What is more dangerous? Feeling anxious or at risk? ”
Even for the AA group, the answer, Leahy says, is always risky behavior. “What I say to people who gathered for whatever reason is, 'What would you ultimately regret the most? That you didn't go to the AA meeting or the beauty salon or dinner? Or that you got covid-19 or infected another person with covid-19 and that person died? Meanwhile, he says to focus on the government's phased plans for the reopening, and remember that this situation is not forever.
“Focus on what you can do and not what you can't. Many people can connect with friends, family, meetings. ”
Remember, socially estranged doesn't have to mean socially disconnected. ”
In other words, you don't have to just talk to the microwave.
Social distancing