[OPINION] An executive mother: I was juggling a lot and the pandemic hit

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Editor's Note: Giovanna Gray Lockhart is the chief strategy officer for The Riveter, an online community and content company for the 75 million working women in the US The opinions expressed in this comment are exclusively yours. See more opinion articles on CNNe.com/opinion.

(CNN) - March 14 started with a headache and fatigue. I'm 39 years old, I'm the mother of two young children and I work as an executive in a new company, so if I'm tired and my head hurts, it's not a cause for concern, it's just part of my life.

My beloved grandmother had passed away, so I thought that perhaps the symptoms were related to the stress of my life and the sadness I felt. That sadness extended beyond what was happening in my own life as I watched the news of coronavirus-related deaths in China and Italy.

While practicing social distancing, I could not isolate myself from my family. That simply is not possible. Young children love their mommy, especially when their routines are disrupted and their teachers and friends can only be accessed through screens. They seek you out so that everything makes sense, and your job is to constantly remind them that they are safe, even when you are sick and question the safety of your family.

It is also not possible to isolate yourself from work when you try to run your business in the middle of a pandemic that also impacts and reduces income. So I worked, took care of my family and went to the supermarket. I worked with the disease because I was not totally sure I had the coronavirus. I thought that the mental confusion I was experiencing was the result of all the stress at work and the uncertainty of how long we would be trapped at home.

As the days passed, my fatigue worsened. I was on several Zoom calls all morning (both for my own work and for my children's school), and then at 2 in the afternoon I couldn't keep my eyes open and had to sleep several hours in the afternoon. For me, this was much more intense than the normal feeling of juggling my daily responsibilities.

And then other things started happening in my body.

At night, she would have these intense pains in her lower back and legs. He had a heaviness in his chest, as if someone was sitting on it. It reminded me when I gave birth to my son by caesarean section and the obstetrician said to me, "Now it will feel like an elephant is sitting on your chest as I pull its head out of the rib cage."

I developed a persistent rash on my pimples and was out of breath when going up and down the stairs. My fever never exceeded 101, and even that only lasted three days. I had a burning sensation in my sinuses as if I had put water through my nose in the pool. Then, 10 days later, while I was making my family's dinner one night, I realized that I couldn't smell the onions that were cooking in the pan. I Googled, I told my friends. I found an article on how some covid-19 positive patients experienced loss of taste and smell, but those patients were in the hospital and seriously ill.

My concern increased, but what could I do?

I was in contact with my doctor during all this time. Every time I experienced a new symptom, I would send him an email. He wanted to come in and see her in person, but the refuge orders said he had to rely on telemedicine. I had asked if it was the coronavirus. She did not think so. He had no dry cough or high fever and had not traveled recently. And even if I thought it could be, without severe breathing problems I couldn't get tested and there was nothing to do but rest and stay home.

For the first week of April, my energy started to return and I felt better. I even apologized to my colleagues during a Zoom meeting: “Hi guys, thanks for being patient with me while I didn't feel well in the past few weeks. I am back now and fully present. ”

Honestly, that was a lie. He still felt shortness of breath and pressure in his chest, mainly at night, when the chaos of the day was over. Maybe it wasn't gone? I read the articles about people in their 30s and 40s dying of strokes. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention finally listed many of the symptoms it had had on the official list. So, I thought I had it and that was it. But my doctor said, "We need to do some tests. It seems like you definitely had it. ”

On May 5 they gave me a CT scan of my lungs, an EKG, a complete blood test panel, and they gave me the go-ahead. Test positive for covid-19 antibodies. I also learned that the likely culprit for my continued shortness of breath and pressure in my chest was anxiety. Now, before covid-19, I had anxiety, which I manage with medication. During this time, I contacted my psychiatrist and he said that many of his patients were experiencing new and stronger anxiety, but that it was important to rule out any medical problems first.

If he had not had access to excellent medical care, the questions would continue.

A recent Lean In study found that 25% of women have experienced physical symptoms of severe anxiety during the pandemic, compared to just 11% of men. The study also found that women who work full-time and who are also mothers and partners are “more than twice as likely as men in the same situation to feel that they have more to do than they can possibly handle (31% vs. . 13%) “.

For me, the disease, while working and raising a family during a pandemic, was too much. And I know that other women also feel the pressure to fill different roles, and then apologize if something goes wrong for reasons beyond their control. Under normal circumstances, this is challenging, but things are magnified now.

These are not normal times, so we must give women the space to feel more comfortable and ask for help.

Along with this, the evidence is crucial. The fact that many still cannot access the covid-19 and serology tests is an obstacle. If you believe you have or had the coronavirus and are in a state where you can access a test, I encourage you to do so.

And if you have symptoms of anxiety, talk to someone and don't be afraid to ask for medications. Women are great at advocating for others, but we must also advocate for ourselves. Everything will really fall apart if we don't.

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