Why are there people who never admit they are wrong

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There are those who are left lying in Despeñaperros thinking that they have enough fuel; people who, due to bad foresight, are late to catch a plane; politicians who pretend to make brilliant decisions that later prove disastrous for the community ... Some honestly make their mistakes, then there are those who make up any excuse to avoid responsibility. Charging someone else or bad luck with guilt are their common outings. Why do not they understand that this does not suit anyone? Does understanding your psychology help to change your attitude?

Shock resistance to admit mistakes, given the tolerance they generate. The one who errs and recognizes it makes the best impression on others than the one who does not assume it, as the Indian psychologists Avertano Nazareth and Suresh Kanekar demonstrated in their study Effects of Admitting or Denying a Mistake , published back in 1986. And, as much as the phrase is repeated, saying that we learn from mistakes is not a topic. So, if the others are going to value positively the acceptance of a mistake, and this will help their manager not to repeat it, why are there people who find it difficult to confess them? What are these people like?

Freud pointed out that denial is a defense mechanism against realities that threaten the ego. When we make mistakes, "we must calm the cognitive dissonance that stirs up our feelings of self-worth. And so we create fictions that relieve us of responsibility, restoring our belief that we are intelligent, moral, and correct, a belief that often leads us to be dumb, immoral and wrong ", argue the psychologists Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson in their 2007 book Mistakes Were Made, but Not by Me ( Mistakes were made, but not by me ) . That is to say: those who manage in those codes, prefer to drain the package to be bad before the others because that would damage their self-esteem.

But why, if rectifying is wise? We enter the field of immaturity. "They are people who have a fragile personality," says José Elías, director of the psychological cabinet that bears his name in Madrid. "They are still very childish and, of course, it is an attack on their personality . When an error is attributed to them, it is as if they were attacking them directly." When the person in front of them points out their folly "they are violated and direct the blame on others," he adds. Because if the first reaction is to deny the evidence, the second is to turn on the fan.

If they arrive late to the airport for miscalculating the duration of the journey, they will blame the traffic. "They do not accept responsibility, they are unable to cope with stressful and frustration-intolerant situations," says Elías. Some, internally, admit their youth, "but facing the outside they look for faults in others to justify their own weakness." Others, the vast majority according to this specialist, prefer to live in their imaginary world of perfection. "They compose situations to suit them so that they do not generate frustrations. They deny reality because they have another one."

This attitude would explain the fanaticism with which some defend the decisions of their political idols, even if they prove wrong; "To be fanatic is to be immature too." It is enough to take a turn on Twitter to verify it. "The most radical supporters of a party will say that theirs are doing very well, and that the others have done it wrong. They do not accept failures even when they are committed by other people, see how far that type of immature personality reaches", points out the psychologist.

But not everything is a matter of maturity, other variants of the immature are the fulleros, storytellers and entanglements; those who "don't necessarily value truth and honesty," says Australian psychologist Tim Sharp, founder of The Happiness Institute. Two other types of people may concur among these deniers of error. Some would be perfectionists, whose "irrational need to always be perfect governs their ego and feel that their mistakes are unforgivable," adds Sharp. And hypersocials, those who live for and maintain their large circle of friends and acquaintances; Public relations slaves who fear that going through clumsy detracts from them.

When we meet any of these specimens in the family, among our friends or in the office, is it worth trying to put down their stubborn attitude? Elijah is inclined to go along with it at first. "Facing them can lead to rejection or even violence," he explains. If there is an emotional bond with that person and we want him to change, gradually the transition can be attempted. It is a good idea to practice positive reinforcement in others who do accept the facts, as proposed by Rob Kamery of Nova Southeastern University in Florida, United States, in a 2004 study. The more convinced the subject is that they do it. it is a skill and produces positive emotions, the less likely it is that it will relapse in its future behavior.

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