After decades of hiding it, this 90-year-old grandfather says he is gay

(CNN) –– Locked up at home by the pandemic and without much to do, Kenneth Felts began to write a memoir about his 90 years of life.

But, as he wrote, Felts quickly realized that his story would never be complete if he did not share the secret that he had kept hidden all his life: his true sexuality.

Felts, who now lives in Arvada, Colorado, told CNN that he has known since the age of 12 that he is gay. However, he explained that he made the decision to hide his sexuality because he grew up in a time when homosexuality was frowned upon and illegal.

Much has changed over the past few decades, including the monumental Supreme Court decision in 2015 that legalized same-sex marriage across the country.

Felts said her autobiography couldn't go on without writing about her one true love, Phillip. So, at age 90, he finally told his daughter and then the rest of his friends and family through a Facebook post.

"I am gay, I have said it and I am free," he wrote in the post, Felts said.

A secret he planned to take to his grave

A sleepover with a classmate helped Felts know he was gay, he said. But his devoted Christian family had taught him that homosexuality was a sin.

"I just knew that if I counted that I was gay, I would probably go to hell," Felts told CNN. "He was going to take (my secret) to the grave."

So during his early adult years, including his deployment to Korea with the United States Navy during the Korean War and the following years in college, Felts lived as a straight man.

Kenneth Felts in the United States Navy when he was sent to Korea during the Korean War.

In the late 1950s, he moved to Long Beach, California, to work for a retail credit company. And it was there that she met Phillip Jones.

"When I met him, I was still straight and so I hadn't anticipated opening up," Felts said. "He was the one who pulled me out and made me realize that we had potential together."

The dates started in coffee shops, but soon Felts was spending more time in Jones's apartment than hers and eventually moved in with him. For more than a year they lived as a happy, albeit secret couple.

"When I was living with Phillip in California, homosexuality itself was illegal," Felts noted. “It was a serious crime, we couldn't hold hands or anything like that. You were arrested for exhibiting such behavior. Once you went to court, your information spread throughout the city and you lost your friends, your family, "he added.

California's sodomy law was only repealed until 1975.

In the end, the weight of being gay in a society that considered homosexuality a crime was too much for Felts, and he decided to end the relationship with Jones.

“I quit my job, packed my things and went home,” Felts said. 'Phillip wrote me two or three letters after that. In the last letter, he said, 'If you don't reply to this letter, I won't bother you anymore.'

"I did not reply, just as I had not replied to any of his letters," he recalled. "Big mistake."

After Felts left Jones, he went back to hiding his sexuality. But this time he created an alter ego named "Larry," to create a more defined separation between their two lives.

"Larry was my gay side and I, Ken, was the normal straight person," Felts said.

While keeping Larry hidden, Felts met a woman in his church's youth group. They married and had a daughter, but divorced in 1980. Even then, he did not dare to tell about his sexuality because he was afraid of losing custody of his daughter.

Still, he discreetly made his way to the library, where he scanned the phone books for a name.

"I called every Phillip J there and was never able to reach him," Felts said. I will die always regretting leaving Phillip, but I hope he has forgiven me.

Count it at 90

Growing up, Rebecca Mayes, now 48, knew that her father regretted some things in life. She had always thought they were related to her mother, but in May, during the pandemic, she finally learned the source of her father's pain.

"We were talking on the phone and he told me that he had lost the only true love of his life," Mayes told CNN. "She did not tell me man or woman."

Hours later that day, Felts revealed to Mayes in an email that her only true love was Phillip Jones, a man.

Mayes said she was surprised to learn that her father was gay, considering that he reacted with dismay when she told him she was a lesbian 25 years ago.

"He told me the relationship wouldn't last," Mayes recalled. But she added that her father quickly changed his mind and became the greatest support for her and his now wife.

"I think I had the same things for me that he had felt about how difficult life could be, everything from not being able to have children to social problems," said Mayes, who now has two children.

After telling his daughter, Felts soon shared his truth with the rest of the world in a Facebook post, which has received overwhelming support and love, he said. She even released the story of Phillip Jones in the hope that someone could help find her.

A New Jersey woman who helps find the biological parents of adopted children contacted Felts to find her lost love. But sadly, she ran into bad news. Jones died in 2013.

One of the loving and wonderful people who has been reading my messages on my coming out and search for Phillip…

Posted by Kenneth Felts on Thursday, June 25, 2020

"I loved him to the end and I'm doing all of this for him," Felts said.

Now, as a proud gay man, Felts said Larry is in charge. He has blue and pink streaks in his hair. He wears the pride flag and even participated with his walker in this year's Denver Pride Virtual 5K.

Kenneth Felts with his daughter, Rebecca Mayes, at the 2020 Denver Pride Virtual 5K.

But more importantly, Mayes said, her father is more outgoing and confident than ever.

"I don't know how I couldn't be happy for the rest of my life," Felts said.

It may have taken him 90 years to tell about his homosexuality, but he said he hopes his story will give others the courage to embrace his sexuality, too.

"There is a whole world that will accept you and love you for who you are," he said.

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