Pontoise: Yamina's tireless fight after 20 years of domestic violence

Tuesday July 28, the family court judge in Pontoise grants exclusive parental rights to Yamina over her 17-year-old son. The victory is symbolic but for this 43-year-old mother, hope is reborn. “It's the recognition that my right has been violated for years. Today I need to speak in order to heal. To save me and my children. "

Installed in Pontoise with her two youngest boys, Yamina gradually regains confidence in the courts. For more than 20 years, she has been the victim of a man whose hold continues to make her live a daily nightmare. This man, we will not name him to preserve his presumption of innocence. Yamina calls him "the monster" or "the devil".

Their meeting dates back to the end of the 1990s, in a nightclub. “He measures 1.95 m for 130 kg, he was imposing and I needed to rest on someone. He pulled out all the stops. After a few weeks, he started slapping me. I was shocked, I had never experienced violence. And I felt guilty because he managed to manipulate me. "

"Not taken seriously" by the police

From the height of her 1.61 meters, Yamina is no match for the weight. “He can't stand being answered but I stood up to him as best I could. I had seen him beat someone up with a baseball bat. He threatened me with death so I was scared. "

Under the influence, fearing reprisals, she fell silent and moved to Chelles (Seine-et-Marne) with her executioner. Violence, even in private,. "Reports were never in bed, it wasn't even human," she reminds herself, her voice shaking with tears and anger. Always in the bathroom, outside, in the woods or in the car. He held me by the hair and kept a fork on him. I couldn't defend myself, I had no choice. It was disgusting and I got pregnant. "

At that time, her ex-spouse made regular trips back and forth to prison for various crimes which she refused to tell. She says that the threats and the grip continue to the visiting room; rapes too. In 2003, exhausted, the mother began to call for help, especially the police. “I wasn't taken seriously. The agents would tell me I shouldn't get down with some scum, or that they didn't want to hear from us anymore. I felt like I had to die for them to do something. "

Repeated visits to the hospital

In five years, she made seven hospital stays. Broken nose and teeth, broken ribs, head trauma, she was prescribed more than 10 days of total incapacity for work on two occasions, according to hospital reports that we were able to consult. Violence that does not stop despite his flight in 2004, and which quickly mingle with custody problems. Each time she tries to file a complaint but these are systematically transformed into handrails or do not follow up.

Tired, she ended up going to the court of Meaux (Seine-et-Marne). “I went there with the nerve, I went straight up to the prosecutor's office because he refused to give me back my son that I had left him for the holidays. The latter orders the father to return his son to his mother. On October 6, 2004, the accused was convicted of violence and death threats. He is sentenced to one year in prison. “The prosecutor had required 5 years. With the arrangement of his sentence, he only served 6 months. It's like he's been granted the right to kill me. "

After conviction, harassment

Despite the prison, the relentlessness continues. On three occasions, Yamina is even seen withdrawing custody of her son by social services on "slanderous denunciations" of her ex. In 2010, she lets go and "gives" her son to his father. In eight years, she will only see him three times.

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In 2019 the child returns to Pontoise, where Yamina has rebuilt her life. “During the judgment of July 28, 2020, justice refuses a new investigation by social services. She understood that he was lying by accusing me of not taking care of my children, ”she says firmly.

It was then that the harassment started again. “In one year I received 4000 calls, underlines the one who became a painter. Insults, death threats, he always uses roundabout sentences so that it cannot serve as evidence against him. He is very strong. »On November 15, 2019, he was sentenced for harassment to 8 months in prison, 4 of which were suspended, as well as a ban on contacting his victim.

"Now I understand, I am writing directly to the prosecutor"

During confinement, however, the ritual resumes its course. Yamina receives regular visits from firefighters called by the father of the 17-year-old. Suffering from a serious illness, the latter would be in danger of death with his mother. Each time the alert is not proven. The forties also receives calls from the school, the hospital, people pretending to be police officers. On several occasions she lodged a complaint with the Cergy police station, in vain. "I am told that I can only do a handrail," she breathes disgusted. Now I understand, I am writing directly to the prosecutor. "

In recent weeks, Yamina, supported by two other ex-companions of the same man, has tried to file a complaint for the marital rapes she says she suffered between 1999 and 2004. “The lawyer told me that there had prescription for these facts ”, she indicates, tired. Article 7 of the law of February 27, 2017, however, extends the statute of limitations for crimes, such as rape, to 20 years from the day the offense was committed. In theory, the facts mentioned by Yamina between 2001 and 2004 are therefore not time-barred.

Today, it is by witnessing that the Pontoisienne is trying to rebuild itself. Through painting and writing, she finds the outlet she has been looking for for so long. The fear of dying, or of seeing her son being killed by his father, never leaves her. “This man destroyed my life and the lives of my children. I owe this fight to all women who cannot defend themselves, concludes Yamina. We must not neglect anything when it comes to violence. Even a slap can kill. Instead of minimizing, institutions must protect. "

Victims of the same man, two other women denounce an "injustice"

Carried by Yamina's testimony, they too agreed to speak. We will call them Maya and Sonia. They are about thirty years old, one lives in the north of France, the other in the east. Both describe the same pattern, the same verbal, physical and sexual violence. In both cases, the meeting is first virtual. The man is attentive at first, then gradually changes his face.

“It started with a slap because I told him, I'm a woman of character,” says Maya. Then a punch because I was talking too loud on the phone. He would hit me and then apologize. Sometimes he cried or hurt himself so I thought it was my fault, he managed to make me feel guilty. He's a manipulator. »For fear of scandal, both Maya and Sonia are silent.

Then comes the desire for fatherhood. “He absolutely wanted a child, he was hiding my pill but I didn't ask myself a question, I accepted, testifies Sonia. He had a phenomenal hold on me, he could fit into my head and think for me. He was a guru. Like Yamina, Maya talks about punching her stomach during her pregnancy. For the three women, he makes an early recognition of paternity with the town hall. “I wanted to have an abortion but he confined me to his home, testifies Sonia. For four months he had my oldest son and my phone. I only dated him. "

They also mention the pressure exerted by the relatives of their attacker, the death threats, the impression of "seeing oneself die" under the blows. Each tried to surrender, either to a social worker or to the police. But the lack of compassion and accusatory remarks immediately discourage them.

Thanks to the support of her father and a doctor, Maya finally finds the strength to leave him. She is currently in legal proceedings to take away her parental rights. "He did not come to harass me but he makes indirect threats, he does not want me to rebuild my life," explains the young woman. Now I am always on my guard. He's an alcoholic, a drug addict, he's very dangerous. When I learned all that Yamina had gone through, the steps she had taken, I told myself that he should have been in prison for a long time. It is injustice. "