Agree to Agree: How to Reach Agreements in Divorce

When divorcing, it is better to reach agreements - there is no dispute about that, but when they are in the midst of a storm of emotions, many couples simply fail to compromise.

Why it is better to avoid going to court and how agreements can still be formed outside their walls

Many couples find themselves in the middle of the divorce process when they are flooded with turbulent and charged emotions that affect their judgment (Photo: ShutterStock)

Divorce (Photo: ShutterStock)

With the decision to end the marriage and open a divorce proceeding, all issues related to the couple's cohabitation will be discussed: children, property, apartment, debts and any other area that requires a re-arrangement of the couple's conduct, this time as separate.

When the spouses manage to reach an agreement in advance in all the clauses, a divorce agreement will be drawn up that will have legal validity in the Family Court or the Rabbinical Court and will allow each party to embark on its new path.

Unfortunately, many couples find themselves in the middle of the divorce process when they are flooded with turbulent and charged emotions that affect their judgment, prevent them from seeing the good of the family and children and do not allow them to go towards each other and reach agreement.

A legal battle?

Just as a last resort

In a situation of lack of communication and inability to reach agreements, many couples give up in advance on trying to bridge the gaps.

This waiver usually stems from the fear of wasting precious resources on a process that they perceive would not succeed anyway.

In fact, choosing the opposite option, which means turning to a legal battle that lasts an average of about a year, will cost everyone much more and will in many cases amount to deepening the rift.

The main victims in prolonged legal battles are, of course, the children who are immediately and powerfully affected by the difficult atmosphere created between their parents.

Many studies dealing with children whose parents have been divorced in legal proceedings prove that the psychological damage caused to children is not negligible.

Once the hearing reaches the court, the couple can no longer communicate with each other except through their lawyers.

This conduct transfers control of the proceedings to the attorneys, each of whom is only interested in achieving the goals of the party he or she represents.

An agreement can no longer be formed, but only a decision on which of the parties has won.

To this end, they usually take the ‘all means are kosher’ approach, and the process becomes ugly and alienating as it progresses.

The main victims of prolonged legal battles are, of course, the children who are immediately and powerfully affected by the difficult atmosphere created between their parents (Photo: ShutterStock)

Many parents near the children (Photo: ShutterStock)

Bridge over stormy water

In the mediation process, however, the mediator is a kind of interpreter for the couple, who, by themselves, tend to listen to each other under a heavy cloak of emotional interpretation.

When the short in communication is so deep, only a third party could make accessible to each spouse the needs of the other objectively, while mentioning that above their personal desires are also the needs of the family they have established.

Thus it is possible to remind the spouses that when either of them refuses to agree on the amount of alimony, he punishes his children and not just his spouse, and that insisting on limited sight arrangements, leaves the children as the main losers.

A lawyer who is also a mediator

When trying to reach an agreement regarding divorce, it is important to remember that every decision that is made has legal consequences, and it is worth going through the mediation process with a professional who understands them.

A lawyer who is also a mediator will be able to lead the couple to a path of compromise while reaching agreements that will stand the test of reality, time and law.

A lawyer who is also a mediator, along with the expectation and desire to reach agreements, knew how to prepare for any scenario and if necessary offer legal solutions that would allow the divorce proceedings to end on the best side.

Adv. Yehudit Shem Tov is the owner of the law firm Shem Tov, Spicer & Co., which deals with family and divorce law, real estate and real estate.

Article courtesy of Zap Legal

The information presented in the article does not constitute legal advice or a substitute for it and does not constitute a recommendation for taking proceedings or avoiding proceedings.

Anyone who relies on the information in the article does so at his own risk