When the holidays are here: What will you do when he claims that your parents are interfering with you?
The holiday season sometimes raises tensions within the family.
Your parents claim that he is not good enough for you, and he claims that they are interfering with your relationship.
What to do?
This may be what will help you
When the holidays are here: What will you do when he claims that your parents are interfering with you?
Eruvin Tractate Daf La (Photography and Editing: Walla! NEWS)
The holiday season can cause tension between husband and wife.
Sometimes being together for long days can overwhelm arguments and tensions that you did not know about before.
For example, a woman who has a tension between her parents and her husband.
They think he is not good enough for her - and he in turn claims that the parents are interfering in their relationship, and therefore, she should break away from their influence and cooperate with him.
In such a situation, everyone tries to pull her to his side.
These forces can also be internal.
For example, a person who on the one hand is attracted to a particular field that he wants to study and also engage in, and on the other hand he is attracted to an area where there is a better chance of earning a decent living, even if he does not feel much personal satisfaction.
Rabbi Chaim David Kowalski, presenter of the digital gemara, explained that when the forces acting on man are equal, man may find himself paralyzed, unable to move in any direction.
Every time he tries to move to one side, the other side stops him.
So what do you do to deal with such situations?
How to resolve a dilemma?
A thinking man (Photo: ShutterStock)
Illustration (Photo: ShutterStock)
The Gemara in Tractate Eruvin Daf La describes such a reality in pictorial language: after all, it is camel clay.
Clay - is a person who carries a donkey, and he does this by stepping behind the donkey and occasionally spurs it with a stick.
Whereas a camel is a man who leads camels, and he walks before them and pulls them with a rope attached to them.
So what is camel clay?
A man who tries to lead both a donkey and a camel at the same time, and finds himself torn between them: on the one hand the donkey pulls him forward, and on the other hand the camel pulls him back, and the man can not move to either side.
The first thing to do is to carefully consider both sides, and see if there is a way to decide in favor of one of them.
In many cases, even if a person is drawn in different directions - a serious inquiry can help him find out which side is better for him to choose.
Sometimes it is worth consulting someone smart from the outside, who sees things from an objective point of view and is not equally affected by them and will be able to advise which decision would be wiser.
However, there are situations where discretion is not sufficient to decide.
The two sides seem equal and equal, and find no sufficient reason to prefer the one over the other.
What do you do in such a case?
Well, there is no choice but to simply decide here or there.
Listen to our heart, and walk in the direction it instructs us.
A man leading a camel.
Illustration (Photo: Reuters)
Opening of the camel racing event in Ismailia, Egypt, March 22, 2017 (Photo: Reuters)
Rabbi Kowalski added that the wisdom is to be brave enough to make and make decisions - out of a prayer to Gd that we will not fail, and a belief that He is summoning us to the right things for us.
We need to use our intellect, find out what we really want, and then decide and move on - the main thing is not to get stuck.
Want to learn more topics according to the Gemara?
This is your chance to join the digital gemara venture.
This is a project in which you will watch a daily video clip based on the daily page presented by Rabbi Kowalski, founder and head of the Daf Yomi daily organization.
As part of this, each person can be part of hundreds of thousands in Israel and around the world who make sure to regularly study one page of Gemara a day, by watching a short daily video clip.
The section on decisions in a state of dilemma is based on the daily page in Tractate Eruvin, page La, and is also published in full on the Digital Gemara website.
In this section, you will meet daily at significant and fascinating points related to daily life, based on the daily study of the Gemara.
The project is free of charge for its participants.
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