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Educator: Adiel Bar Shalom Rescues Boys Israel today

2020-11-13T21:24:02.796Z


From violent boys, one even a murderer, Adiel Bar Shalom turned the members of the Neve Amiel youth village into people with hope and a desire for life | You sat down


When Adiel Bar-Shalom came to run the Neve Amiel youth village in 2012, he found violent boys from difficult backgrounds and faced the murder of a trainee from a neighboring village. "They can save a lifetime"

  • "In the beginning we would deal with ten cases of violence a day, today it's one case in two weeks."

    Adiel Bar Shalom with Netanel (right) and Nadav, who graduated from the village last year

    Photography: 

    Oren Cohen

Amid the chaos and uncertainty of recent months, 75 members of the Neve Amiel Therapeutic Youth Village in the Jezreel Valley feel lucky.

Their village is open, functional and bustling with life, and when the green entrance gate opens, you can really feel the optimism that surrounds the place.



The screams of the peacocks from the animal corner are heard throughout the village.

Maskless campers, whose home the village serves as, walk down the path on their way to the dining room, and in the sand court, two campers practice horseback riding.



Our host is Adiel Bar Shalom (38), the village manager for the past eight years, who has lived here with his wife Tehila (35), an educational consultant, and their children, Elkana (13), Neta (11) and Tzur (9). 



When he arrived in the village with his family, there was a danger of closure hovering over the place.

The matriculation eligibility rate was zero, and the enlistment rate was 57 percent.

Today, Bar-Shalom can boast 67 percent matriculation eligibility and 100 percent enlistment, as well as one more achievement: Since the outbreak of the corona plague in the country, it has not reached its village.



"Before Pesach, when they started talking about the first closure, it was clear to me that if campers went home and came back, I risked them bringing the corona with them," he says.

"The campers here are 18-15 years old, some are here as an alternative to detention, some have dropped out of frames and some have suffered from unprotectedness in their family. The Ministry of Education has exempted the therapeutic youth villages from the corona regulations, so, throughout the period, the village remains open On a daily basis. I knew I had to prevent a situation where they would want to close it.



"In addition, some of the trainees are here on a court order and some are not evacuated.

That is, they have nowhere to go, so the option of closing the village can not be considered at all.

After much thought I decided not to wait for the official announcement of the closure and put the whole village, including staff members who wanted to, in a one and a half month closure.

The cleaning staff and cooks did not enter the village, and the campers cooked and cleaned themselves.

The food vendors would leave us the food at the gate.



"Since we wanted to start the blockade with returning campers Purim, we called them the day before the end of the vacation and update them in the new situation. We explained to them that anyone who wants to leave home can do so, knowing that when want to return, will have to enter two weeks of isolation in a special area that reinforced that.



" 60 percent of the trainees chose to be in the village throughout the closure period.

We celebrated Seder night together, 80 people - campers, staff members living in the village with their families and even seven national service girls and nine young people in a year of service, who are with us.

Everyone's families supported. " 



Exacerbated beyond the procedures that came from above.



" True.

In fact, we announced a closure in the village two weeks before a closure was declared in the country, but it proved itself.

Even so, the campers go home once every two weeks, so we just canceled one outing, and then there was already a general closure that we continued into the Passover holiday.

Their lives are entrusted to me, and I have full responsibility for them.

This is what motivated me before the Corona, and this is what motivates me today.

Thanks to the fact that there were no exits, the village remained clean of corona, and this allowed us to avoid social distance and wearing masks. "Is



that how you acted in the second closure?



" The second closure was not as hermetic as on Passover.

It was a time with different characteristics from the first wave: on the one hand, more patients and more infections, so it makes sense to make a closure;

On the other hand, it is clear that this is a long-term confrontation, so we invest a lot of thought in the question of how to close together as much as possible, but also allow the trainees and staff to freshen up.



"Currently the village is open, but we recommend the campers to stay here and keep themselves away from the corona raging outside. Since we are most of the time in the village, we do not keep the social distance. In the morning, when campers study in closed buildings with teachers coming from outside the village Social distance. "

Neve Amiel Youth Village

was established in 1947 by the Hapoel Mizrahi movement, in cooperation with the Aliyat Hanoar.

It is intended to address children who immigrated to Israel without parents, including boys from Eastern Europe, North Africa, and in the 1970s and 1980s, also from Turkey and Ethiopia.

Eight years ago, the definition of the village was changed, and today it is defined as an educational-therapeutic youth village for boys aged 18-14.



In the past, there were serious violence problems in the village, both towards the campers and towards the staff.

"I found a difficult atmosphere here," says Bar Shalom.

"Many incidents of vandalism and violence, such as breaking windows, stealing equipment or spray-painting graffiti against staff or trainees. Severe verbal violence, aggressive and disrespectful discourse. A feeling of complete lack of control. I felt like each of the boys left his neighborhood, and together they set up here. A new neighborhood. "



In November 2012, three months after Bar Shalom took office, a new trainee wanted to "close an account" with a trainee from a youth village who had murdered him with a knife stab.



"It was a market for everyone. But then, with all the difficulty, I knew I had to leverage the case into a discourse on boundaries. I set five things that, if they occur, do not get on the agenda: violence against trainees, violence against staff, vandalism, drugs and alcohol." .



And how do you handle that?



"When a boy throws a stone at a window and breaks it, I can ask him 'why did you break the window?', But that will not get me anywhere. Instead of fiddling with the reason, I ask him 'what did you feel a minute before you lifted the stone?'. There I am already. Discoveres a world and its fullness and reaches emotional places, with which one can work.



"When a boy feels seen, he no longer hurts.

There were times I had to suspend a trainee from the village following violence against another trainee, but since he had nowhere to go, he carried out the suspension inside my house.

Even when I'm awake, it's in a hug.

Kicking them out of the village is the easiest, but it does not get them or us anywhere.



"Once trainees began to feel safe, and not thrown away immediately, they also began to respect and learn how to vent frustrations not by harming property or violence. If at first we were dealing with ten cases of violence a day, today is one case in two weeks." 



Weren't you afraid to move your family here?



"Everyone warned me not to move in with the children in the village, they said I should take care of them. The maids also lived outside the village then. But it was clear to me that I must be part of the village to be successful in working with the boys. 



" I said if the village is not protected, it must close Immediately, and if it is protected for the trainees, then it is also protected for me.

A year after I arrived, all the service girls moved to live in the village.

There are families of other staff members here, and the atmosphere is very family-like, just like a small community. "

A

quote by educator Janusz Korczak appears

on the wall of the building

.

Bar Shalom recites it: "Allow them to run around in the meadow and there will be no screaming, there will only be a pleasant chirp of human birds."



Not all educators will agree with this.



"My educational and therapeutic perception is similar to that of Korczak. I assume that the more they run around and have spaces, the better they will be. Instead of suppressing energy, it should be spent on creative joy." 



The joy of creation is related to the variety of activities and educational programs that the village offers.

Off-road cycling, beach soccer training (pochivelli), music lessons, surfing in the sea, caring for animals in the zoo, gardening and agriculture.

Since most of the activities take place within the village, they also continue during the corona period.



"These activities and programs are designed to allow boys to find the one thing they are good at," says Dina Bar Hama, director of leadership, strengths and development (R&D) in the village. "Something that will provide them with an experience of success and make them believe in themselves even after Let them leave.

Suddenly, instead of fighting for exemption from military service, they start talking about recruitment and a desire to contribute.

In addition, together with the Sachi Association (a unique patrol of kindness), we connect them to the experience of giving as a way of life.



"All these programs have taken the village from a 'surviving' place, with surviving boys, to a place of social leadership, a place of responsibility, where possible To dream dreams and even fulfill them.



"For example, we had a boy who grew up in an ultra-Orthodox home, and at the age of 12 rebelled against the ultra-Orthodox way of life. His parents gave him an ultimatum: either he would abide by all religious laws, or he would leave home. He was a stubborn boy and found himself on the street.



" On a bicycle, and thus discovered that he is good at sports.

The experience of success made him want to get better and invest, and he also started running.

He has participated in national off-road cycling competitions and running competitions, and came third in the two national cross-country cycling championships.



"Two weeks ago he enlisted. Now he is in training at the Hashomer Farm base and plans to join the Cherry unit.

"Another trainee, who graduated a year ago and is currently studying at a pre-military preparatory school, wrote me a letter saying that the most significant moment for him was when he came to my house, fell asleep on the couch, and I took a blanket and covered it. Understand - such things seem normal to any child with a supportive family "They are very unusual in children who did not have a normal family."



The village is run in a religious nature.

"We keep the Sabbath, but there is no coercion: whoever does not want to keep is not obligated, but if he walks around the public space of the village, he is obliged to respect the others."

The door opens again,

And two graduates of the village, Nadav and Nathaniel, who graduated here a year ago and have been staying in the village for the past week, are entering the office.

They take advantage of the fact that their frameworks have been closed to stay with the people they have had for the family for four years.

Both lead a secular lifestyle today.

Nadav is studying in a pre-military preparatory school and intends to enlist in combat service in Cherry, and Nathaniel has continued his studies in mechanical engineering, hoping to integrate into the profession in his military service.



Bar Shalom gets up from his chair and hugs them warmly, as if it were his sons who had returned home on leave from the army.

"I will never be able to maintain social distance from my trainees," he is quick to explain.



Nadav says that "without this village and without Adiel, I would probably be criminally complicated today, and I certainly would not have finished 12 years of schooling."

And Nathaniel adds: "I must have been on the streets and not found myself. When I arrived in the village I was very insecure, I did not trust people and did not talk to anyone. The framework here, which includes studies until noon and then many activities, gave me the opportunity to find what I like "I really connected with cycling and horseback riding, and even took a riding instructors course. Today I have a instructor certificate."



Nadav: "After the army I want to work in a job that will bring in a lot of money, and whatever I do not need, I will donate. As a child I was selfish, but Adiel taught me to love the feeling that comes with volunteering and help."



Nathaniel: "My dream is to be an engineer and build a warm family."

They leave the room, and Bar Shalom says: "Do you understand? For many of them the pinnacle of dreams is simply to establish a normative home. The fact that they return here in their free time to help campers and contribute a little to the place that gave them so much, and the fact that the family value they experienced here remains with them. A sign that I have managed to build a warm community here. 



"In fact, even if it sounds strange, the Corona brought with it a lot of blessing as well.

She has sharpened for me and for the trainees the family we have become.

On Rosh Hashanah, for example, we allowed campers to go home to freshen up.

I was supposed to go out with my wife and kids to do the holiday with my sister-in-law in Lod.

When I realized that 20 campers were staying in the village, we canceled everything and made the holiday at my house, with all the campers left.



"We asked the campers in advance what food they like, and my wife cooked so that everyone could eat what they like, just like it happens in every home. After the meal we all sat and played board games. I can not describe to you the sense of belonging the campers felt. It was for them "The closest thing to a biological family. These informal moments are the strongest there is." 

His

educational and therapeutic approach

was shaped as a child, in Beit El.

His mother Sarah (69) is a special education teacher.

His father, Menachem, 70, was involved in public relations and fundraising for social and educational organizations.

Adiel has three sisters - Orit (43), Shira (39) and Sufiya (33). 



"Much of Mother's work with the children was done at home, so I grew up in a home that embraced children every day. When people looked away, it was not always possible to tell who the biological child was and who the child came to study with. She had a prize drawer and sweets for children who came to study with her. To them.As a child, I remember thinking they came because of the sweets.



"From my father I learned a lot about giving and kindness.

He is the one who showed me what charity is without account. "



He studied at the Shaalvim high school yeshiva near Modi'in, and at the age of 18 he joined the Orot Shaul hesder yeshiva in Petah Tikva, headed by Rabbi Yuval Sherlow." , Heaven and earth.

To this day, I consult with him. "

In August 2001 he enlisted in the Armored Forces,

and at the end of the track took an officers' course.

He spent most of his military service as a corps commander in the corps.

"As a soldier I was shouted at all the time, and I could not stand it. So it was clear to me that from the moment I became commander, I had to find a different form of command, not based on shouting, shifts, commands and detentions, but on dialogue and communication with people. "I have to see before my eyes the person, and not just his personal number. The more I saw them, the more they gave of themselves and became better soldiers."



Bar Shalom was released in 2005, and decided to give up a post-military trip in favor of educational endeavors.

He began working as an instructor at the Neve Shmuel Torah yeshiva in Efrat, and at the same time, responded to a request from the Simcha LeYeled organization to conduct its first summer camp.

The association was established at the time to help children with chronic and genetic diseases. 



There he met Tehila, an instructor of one of the girls, and fell in love.

After half a year of marriage, they married and settled in Lod.

"We asked ourselves where the people of Israel needed us, and Lod seemed like the right place," he smiles.

"This is a city with an interesting social and demographic story, where Jews and Arabs live, and that attracted us. We wanted to see how it is really possible to live together."



They lived in Lod for seven years, during which time their three children were born.

Bar Shalom left his job as a yeshiva instructor and continued to work for two more years at Simcha Liled as the coordinator of the public relations and fundraising system.

He also served as the national coordinator of the "Afikim" educational program of the Gesher Center in Jerusalem, a program to strengthen religious Zionism, and as head of the social involvement department in Bnei Akiva.

When he saw an ad looking for a director for the Neve Amiel youth village, which belongs to the religious kibbutz movement in cooperation with the right-wing education initiatives and the Daat network, he applied.



"In the first year I still lived in Lod and I would drive here every morning and come home in the evening," he says.

"But after a year in the village and seven wonderful years in Lod, I moved here with my wife and three children. The eldest was 5 years old, and the youngest one year old."



Your kids are not jealous that attention is taken from them? 



"My children grew up in this reality. Last year, my daughter Neta asked me who I loved more, her or the campers. It caught me unprepared. I asked her why she was asking, and she said 'because you are with them more than with me.' I explained to her that nothing in this world lied to me more than her, and even if at certain times I was more at work than at home, it did not indicate the intensity of my love for her. We agreed that I would try to be with her more when it was especially important to her



.

I learned to make family and couple anchors.

There are hours when I am only with the children. "



How does your wife feel about your total commitment to the village?



" The choice to run a youth village was both ours.

Fame is a significant figure and loved by the trainees and staff.

In the wisdom reserved only for her she knows how to produce balances and boundaries.

She is aware of the price, especially in the social sphere.

Because in the end, our social environment is the 16 families of the village workers.

Despite this, she does not feel close. "

Bar Shalom holds a bachelor's degree in criminology from Ariel University and a master's degree in administration and public policy from the University of Haifa.

Three months ago he donated a kidney in an altruistic donation.

"I always had the desire to donate a kidney," he says.

"I grew up in an environment where this is very common. When I worked for Simcha LeYeled, I was exposed to children who do dialysis three times a week and I saw their suffering. Two years ago I felt the time was ripe.



" I consulted with Rabbi Sherlow.

He told me that a kidney donation is a moral obligation for anyone who feels capable.

Now that I'm after, I can say it's a great privilege.

I recommend anyone who can, to do so.

We do not need two. "

Yaakov (23), a former trainee in the village,

who completes military service in a patrol of an elite unit, is a living example of the educational success of the village.

He grew up in an ultra-Orthodox family, the youngest of 12 children, and since childhood has experienced severe violence from his father.

When he was 10, the father went to jail for a period of 12 years.



"I have never had the experience of a normal family," he says.

"The violence I experienced left scars on me and made me an angry and violent child myself. There was not a week where I did not blow someone up. When I realized my friends were afraid of me I stopped beating, but all the anger accumulated inside me.



" I moved from yeshiva to yeshiva, I got nowhere.

I always did the opposite of what they asked for.

If everyone went with buttoned white shirts, I went with short shirts.

If you wanted to go with wool tassels, I intentionally wore other tassels.

I had a lack of respect and appreciation for every adult.

At one point I came to live on the street.



"I heard about Neve Amiel from a brother of my brother, who told me about the place. After a week of hesitation, I decided to come here with my mother. For me, it was my last hope to be saved.



" I remember the moment the gate opened and I entered the village, "he says excitedly." As soon as I passed the gate, I felt a peace of mind I did not know.

Like I came to a house I did not have.

After a conversation with the village social worker, I came to a meeting with Adiel.

He asked me why I wanted to study here, and I said I was not looking for a place to study, but a place where my soul could rest. "



How did he manage to reach you, where others failed?



" I was always looking for someone to love me unconditionally, and Adiel was like that.

He's the first adult to really see me and talk to me at eye level.

Thanks to a lot of conversations, he was able to help me do mental work with myself and get rid of all the anger.

The more he showed me that he cared about me and that he did not give up on me, the more I fell down more and more walls, and began to trust him. "



What was the moment that was most significant to you in the village?



" There were many moments that made me what I am today.

But I remember one incident, on the 12th grade annual trip, where I clearly felt that Adiel really cared about me. One evening we were sitting around the fire with a guitar, and at one point I felt very tired. Adiel sat next to me, and I put my head on his shoulder. I remember wondering if he would move me. I did to him, without thinking about it, a kind of test for his love for me. 



"He let me sleep on his shoulder for two hours.

I have no doubt that he was not comfortable and that he wanted to get up, but he did not move, and to this day I remember him that.

When I finished high school I told him that when I got married, I would be happy for him to accompany me to the canopy instead of my dad, who I was not in a relationship with.

And really, ten months ago I got married, and Adiel accompanied me to the canopy.

It was a very exciting moment. "



Now Yaakov plans to enroll in a bachelor's degree in education." I did a full matriculation in the village, 30 units.

I have five units in literature, five units in residents and five units in agriculture.



“I want to give back a little on all the good I received.

There are a lot of boys who are in the situation I was in.

I went through the same struggles, the same difficulties, and I see for myself how life-changing it is to be an educator in the right place.

I hope that I too will be significant for another boy, as Adiel was for me. "

Despite the successes,

Bar Shalom still feels that his mission in the village is far from over.

"I have no doubt that following the corona, there are more boys who need our village to save them. And I have at least 20 more available beds, which can save a lifetime. If only one boy finds his way here thanks to this article, I did mine.



" I'm not looking for

mine.

The next star to come out of the village.

For me, a trainee who works in a tidy job, like in a garage, and is a good father - it's a huge success story.

I am just as proud of him as I am of the trainee who took the officers' course.

When an adult asks me to accompany him to the canopy instead of his father and tells me that he wants to pursue education, I know I succeeded. " 

michali100@gmail.com 

Source: israelhayom

All news articles on 2020-11-13

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