Tamar Mi-M: "He cut me with a knife in front of the children" • Eden from the center: "I told my mother, 'You married him, but I am not ready to live here'" • The week of the fight against violence against women
In honor of the day of the fight against violence against women, Tamar and Eden (pseudonyms) shared the difficult experiences they had in their family, the first from her ex-husband and the second from her father and ex-partner.
Archive // Photo: "Everyone" Spokeswoman
"The fact that I live today is a miracle," says Tamar (pseudonym), a resident of the Jerusalem area. "He would throw knives at me, rape me. The children were aware of all the violence along the way. They would see him cut me with a knife and tell them to say goodbye to me, "And I had to say goodbye to them. If they shouted, he would also aim knives at them. He told them to throw objects at me, curse at me, tell me they did not want me in their life and he forced them to aim knives at me."
Tamar's mask of abuse has simply been difficult to digest.
The man who married at the age of 19 in marriage, thought for years that domestic violence is an integral part of married life - this is how her husband educated her to believe.
According to her, her unforgivable cycle of violence began with her husband's anger over weight gain when she became pregnant.
He upgraded the tantrums with humiliation and cursing.
But for Tamar's husband at the time, it really wasn't enough, and he continued to abuse, she says.
He did not allow her to eat for whole days while she was pregnant, beat her for years in front of the children and also used them to increase his power in humiliating her.
"It occurred to me that this is how every woman living in Israel calms down, and punished me if I was interested in the lives of others. After many years I realized that something was wrong. I would come to work hiding concealment marks in make-up, but I would be asked what was going on. I started going to a psychologist. "And I shared with her that he was trying to kill me at home, and she told me that I must immediately turn to welfare and that's what I did," she says.
Tamar attributes much of the exit from the cycle of violence at that time to the "New Page" program, which is operated by the "Self" organization for the Ministry of Labor and Welfare and Social Services.
The purpose of the program is to help women who are seeking refuge who do not return to an abusive partner to adapt to the new life. We asked Tamar what we can learn from her case in order to identify early signs.
Here is her answer: "The very fact that he humiliates you and does not let you buy things or keep you away from family, is violence for everything. Do you see friends who do not communicate? Call them to understand what is happening to them. If you hear screams from neighbors, do not be afraid to intervene."
"Nothing is left of me"
When talking to Eden (pseudonym), do not believe that the girl who spreads the magic and heat has gone through everything she went through.
But her strong character could be recognized somewhere as early as age 10, when she packed her things and informed her mother: "Violent father, I am leaving home for a relative."
In the case of Eden, now in her early 30s, this is not someone who grew up in a family from a difficult background or in a remote area.
"I lived in my survival home. From a young age I was independent and had a very hard time with my father. He was very ill, with a personality disorder and was a drug addict. I would see him give up on my mother and I really wanted to protect her. I was in the 'Children Witnessing Violence' group from a young age Because he was an insane person. Gone for whole days, he had outbursts of rage of throwing all the things in the house on the floor. Ready to live here. "
Eden's brave move, at the time only 10 years old, encouraged her mother to leave her father and Eden moved with her brother to live in a shelter for battered women.
She describes the period as a good and protected period, and thanks to the social services in the city that helped her and her family.
But the years passed, and Eden herself found herself in a violent relationship from which she was only able to get out with the welfare director who helped her as a child.
"I was an insecure girl. I developed an eating disorder and I got big. I met a guy, we fell in love, but he would abuse me and it took me a while to figure it out."
Eden describes a relationship in which the partner distanced her from her friends, would fatten her with food excessively, and purchase for her a nail polish that she loves but does not allow her to smear them, but only to look at them on the shelf.
He did not allow her to close the bathroom door, washed her hair himself without her being able to resist and until he got to the point where he was following her phone.
Physical violence was not long in coming, accompanied by jealousy attacks.
Eden arrived at the hospital when she needed stitches on her lips: "Nothing was left of me and people remarked to me that I had changed. I asked myself how I, who had promised myself as a child that I would not get into this situation, got to it."
Today, a few years after escaping from that devastating relationship, Eden plays a senior role in a youth movement in Israel and tells her personal story to teens in an inspiring way.