Why You Shouldn't Encourage Competitiveness Between Siblings

No two boys or two girls are the same, not even if they are siblings.

Treating them as if they were the same person, or cut by the same pattern, is not a wise idea.

Not all boys or girls shine in the same way, and instilling in them the constant sacrifice to always be the one who shines the most ends up leading to frustration and exhaustion.

Although society, and specifically the labor market, starts us out to compete as soon as we set foot on the street, the experts point out that promoting competition in children and within the family can, in addition to destabilizing coexistence, educate them in individualistic behaviors , selfish and zero empathy.

For Sofía Gil, director of MindUP Psychologists, we can neither ask nor expect the same from siblings because each one has their personal characteristics.

As parents, it is recommended that we encourage them to cooperate and feel like part of the same team and never as rivals.

It is important that we manage to convey to them that they are unique, valuable and just as important to us regardless of how the rest are.

"Children can sometimes be afraid to be displaced and thus lose the love of his parents

of his brother.

In most cases they compete for the love and attention of their parents.

Misunderstood competitiveness can trigger very negative feelings among them and even cause problems of insecurity or low self-esteem ”.

More information

• Positive Discipline or how to raise and educate children from dignity and respect

• How to encourage the desire to learn in children and adolescents

Parents must promote good relationships between siblings and comparing them is not a good technique.

Jenny Silvente is a teacher and pedagogical advisor, mother of two little ones: “We have to accept each son and daughter as they are.

They perceive it and it makes them feel good.

It is about living respect in order to respect ”.

Jenny Silvente defends the urgent need that children have for parents to be able to spend a special time alone with each other.

For their peace of mind and self-esteem: “They need to see that we love them for who they are and that they don't need to do anything extraordinary.

It is about becoming aware that they are the way they are and helping them to know and appreciate their virtues and abilities, knowing each other as different but wonderful all ”.

Jenny believes that you have to empower them, explain to them that being unique and unrepeatable is a uniqueness of each personality.

For the therapeutic pedagogy teacher and educator Teresa Sánchez Valdés, nothing that involves confrontation is positive.

Competitiveness is a power struggle to show who knows and does more.

"Education based on this is not good, we must teach to grow in an environment where we are all capable of reaching the goal, and that each person has their own."

Teresa Sánchez Valdés considers that the fact of not reaching where an adult expects frustrates the little ones.

“Not meeting certain expectations can lead to stress, misbehavior, and sadness.

Furthermore, frustration in early childhood is usually a factor that is generalized to multiple contexts, so it can have a negative impact on the social, school and emotional level ”.

Teacher Jenny Silvente believes that "the interesting thing is not to be better than the others or the first, but rather to develop a sense of self-improvement that has to do with your own abilities, without having anything to do with those of others."

He considers that to achieve this unhealthy competitiveness between siblings there is a comparative injury: “In comparison, two things happen: either you are the best or not.

If you are the best, you feel the need to continue being the best, feeling that if you fail, you fail those who demand that you be the best.

If you are not the best, a feeling of hatred (or insane admiration) develops towards those who are better than you, even making you feel that you never

you will be like them and you are worthless.

In this case, self-esteem is totally diminished ”.

To talk to the little ones about always wanting to be the winner is the wonderful children's story

(Nubeocho publishing house).

The Raccoon makes inordinate efforts to be the first.

He is the first to pick hazelnuts, run more than anyone else, or imagine cloud shapes.

But what happens when a Zorro unseats you from the podium?

Well, he feels that it is not valid and he does not stop crying.

Raccoon will have to learn to live outside of perpetual social competition because happiness is not in it.

And how do we deal with the competition that exists in the adult world with the little ones?

Teresa Sánchez Valdés maintains: “From the school and also from the family nucleus we must make known how society works and how people behave, so it is important to show that we live in a competitive society, but that this does not have to mean that on a personal level we have to be and put it into practice 100% of the time ”.

She considers it very important to communicate to them that competing belongs to the field of adults, and that, at this age, if we have educated with the values ​​of respect and tolerance, they will know how to focus and know when to apply healthy competition.

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