M. married a romantic and handsome man and the two started a successful business • When she decided to divorce the romance became a nightmare • Now she tells about the road to freedom • A special column
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For a whole decade I gave my soul for my daughters to make this house a success.
Before I got married I felt all his flaws.
They were like shadows there, but the smell could be smelled.
He was especially handsome, very romantic, admiring the land I step on, only occasionally comments like "dumb" and "stupid" popped up.
Make no mistake, I am a strong and sharp woman.
I came up with quite a few particularly impressive accomplishments in my life, and it was clear to me all along that it was wrong.
When I asked him to stop because I did not like it then he explained that it was only in the spirit of the atmosphere at that moment and that he would work on it.
We got married when I was seven months pregnant in the US, we did not live in Israel at that time. We rolled there and settled down following thriving businesses and money that led us to stay. He refused to give it to me.
You see, he is not a bad person, for him it was natural and familiar.
His mother herself has been anchored for 20 years for financial reasons and this has led him to the feeling that punishing his wife for refusing a divorce is not that terrible.
His mother was not looking to bring more children so she gave up the fight in advance, but I did want to go on with my life and I also wanted to start a family.
It was clear to me that I owed a divorce and from which it would not come easily.
What stood before my eyes was one thing: my daughters!
I will not let this pass to the next generation.
I will not educate them that they have no choice and that they can be captives of another person at all to this wrong house, it has stopped here and now.
I arrived in Israel and opened a case with the rabbinate.
I consulted with many lawyers who explained to me how complex my case was and not sure they would be able to get me a divorce.
I was told he was a ghost in Giant America.
He has already told everyone that I can forget about my life and that he will not give me a divorce and the rabbinate knew that if he refuses to give me a divorce and he is abroad there are very few things I can do while the pressure of the Hague Convention (he accused me of kidnapping children) for a whole year blows In the back of my neck.
I remained an aguna for two years.
That does not sound dramatic, does it?
A total of two years, but these were two years in which I got up every morning knowing that I wanted and there was no hope.
We had very successful businesses in the US and went bankrupt. As mentioned, I am a very strong woman but during this period, apart from being a mother to my daughters and taking care of their nourishment, I barely functioned.
After two years of prayers I did not have time to go to court, I "bought" my divorce for ten thousand dollars.
It sounds delusional, but for me it was the only opportunity to close the door on the torment mask I went through these two years.
He owed money quite urgently and I agreed to buy my freedom for that amount and that was the end of the story.
But it does not have to be this way.
A woman, like any man, is entitled to unconditional freedom.
From this destructive relationship I have gained many things especially in two wonderful daughters.
I met good people along the way, I became acquainted with the "dead end" that gave me a lot of strength and hope and I started writing.
During all this bad time writing helped me feel alive.
I developed a personal WhatsApp magazine that already has over 1,500 readers.
I write my stories very modestly in the hope that I will permeate some heart of a mother or father who speak ill of each other, not to mention beatings, and explain to them what it will do to their children's choices in the future, if I succeeded then mine did.
It should be remembered, this circle has not stopped.
A child learns from what he sees.
When you torture your wife and anchor her because you think it's okay, you torture the man who is raising your children, and besides a woman you are unequivocally a murderer!
Not least, you are also giving a wrong personal example to children.
The column is courtesy of the "Dead End" organization that helps those who refuse to divorce and Agunot, as part of a new mass recruitment campaign