Bad Kohlgrub now also has a phallus made of wood.
42 centimeters long, not very aesthetic, carved at a height of 1450 meters.
Who is behind it?
Nobody knows.
Bad Kohlgrub
- Germany's most famous wooden penis is on the Grünten, in the Allgäu.
It is two meters tall, has its own placemark in the Google map system, including a rating (without exception five stars) and the status of “cultural monument”.
It was sawed off, stolen and then set up again.
All in a week.
And because there was nothing else to report at that time, at the beginning of December, apart from a pandemic, of course, all of Germany soon knew about the Allgäu wooden penis after WELT, Bayerischer Rundfunk and Spiegel showed it around.
The market for wooden penises is very manageable in the country.
On Ebay, the online flea market, you can find one for 9.99 euros that can also be used as a bottle opener.
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The penis sculpture on the Grünten in the Allgäu was sawed up and put back together again.
© dpa
Now the Allgäu piece is getting competition from Bad Kohlgrub.
Another wooden phallus has appeared on the Hörnle, but it shouldn't be compared.
It then measures only 42 centimeters in, say, preferably a semi-erect position.
It has been designed far less lovingly, simply lost on the branch of a tree trunk.
Maybe a role model of this size was missing, maybe it had to be done quickly, that is obvious.
Who knows all that.
It's only 20 minutes from the tip to the summit on the Hinteren Hörnle.
Anyone who walks up there through the cemetery of trees (one can already write with so many stumps) sees the hikers and their sledges at the summit.
In contrast, hardly anyone has seen the wooden penis from Hörnle, let alone its creator.
Mayor asked around
Call Franz Degele, Mayor of Bad Kohlgrub.
If anyone needs to know about it, then he, who knows everyone in town anyway.
When he sees a picture, he reacts like anyone else who looks at the penis for the first time.
He laughs.
You rarely see a piece like this.
Worldwide only about 5000 men have a limb over 30 centimeters in length.
The record holder is Roberto Esquivel Cabrera, Mexican, with over 48 centimeters.
Another six more than Bad Kohlgruber.
Degele says he can ask around.
A week later he at least knows where the good piece is.
In the area where the nature conservation authority separated forest and pasture five or six years ago.
The best way to get there is from Grafenaschau, not an hour for those who climb quickly.
But Degele is still wondering who made the effort up there.
“Maybe someone realized,” he jokes.
Kohlgruber megalomania on the local mountain, so to speak.
But it will hardly be possible to find out, because you can't just let all Kohlgrubers line up in the town hall and ask them to open their pants.
That would really be a story for WELT, Spiegel and definitely BILD.
That was not me.
I don't do that.
Hans-Joachim Seitfudem
Next attempt at Feinkost Frank.
At the moment, no more Kohlgrubers are allowed to come and go through any door in the village.
The boss is just sorting fruit when he examines the wooden Hörnle phallus on the mobile phone screen.
Laughter, eyebrows raised, mask adjusted.
“I think I'm going crazy.” Someone who happened to be standing by and clearing boxes from a transporter said he was really up at the Hörnle a lot, but he hadn't gotten that joke either.
Who it was
“Some guys,” he estimates.
On to Friedl Kronacker, one of the Hörnle disciples, who has probably been up there thousands of times and also treads "many winding paths" that then don't even know Google, as his wife Barbara explains.
On this day he is on a ski tour, exceptionally on the piston.
But the man has not yet said anything about a wooden penis, although he really often climbs around each other on the Hinterer Hörnle.
“There are so many out and about, locals and tourists,” says Barbara Kronacker.
So a silent imitator of the Grünten phallus after all?
Is the Kohlgruber Wutzi just a miniature plagiarism?
Last chance.
Off to Hans-Joachim Seitfudem, the local carver.
In front of the workshop, a horse's head stares at the guests, behind it a bull with horns that it is better not to get to know.
But you can already guess: The aesthetics in Seitfudem's works are missing from this penis at a height of about 1450 meters.
Later on the phone says the carver.
"That was not me.
I don't do that. ”Not even his son, who has made extraordinary things and exhibited them in Copenhagen or Amsterdam, but not a phallus.
Nobody has ever wished for it either.
Seitfudem would have noted that.
He is currently carving a Saint Michael who is also supposed to go to the Hörnle, the Zeitberg.
“Really big,” he says.
2.50 meters in height.
That would then tower over the Grüntner phallus - and make a veritable landmark.
Such a glorious future is unlikely to await the wooden penis on the other hand.
The poor man is simply too small for that.
