Grief counselor Mara: "Children have a right to know the truth about death"

Icon: enlarge

Grief counselor Mara: "Children have a different understanding of death"

Photo: 

Private

The start into working life is exciting, exhausting - and often completely different than planned.

In the series

"My first year in the job"

young professionals tell how they experienced this time.

This time: Mara, 26, has been working as a grief counselor for a year.

“When I tell other people that I'm a grief counselor, many say: 'Great what you do - but I couldn't do it.' Some don't even know what to say.

Death and grief are still taboo subjects in our society.

That's one of the reasons why I chose this profession.

I want to help remove the taboo on these topics.

From educator to grief counselor

After leaving school, I first trained as an educator.

Then I went to university, after a semester of psychology I switched to curative education.

In addition to my studies, I volunteered in an online counseling service for children and young people who had lost someone to suicide.

I realized: That's it, I want to do this job.

Here I can contribute my skills, use my empathy and creativity to help people in their grief.

"Here I can bring my skills to bear."

Grief counselor Mara

The online counseling agency, a parity association, financed my training to become a grief counselor.

For five months I got to know methods of dealing with grief as well as the psychological and cultural backgrounds of grief - for example, how grief can be expressed or how different religions imagine the afterlife.

Since February 2020 I have been working full-time in a counseling center for grieving children, young people and families.

I look after people there between the ages of four and 25.

Some are sent to us by psychotherapists or the youth welfare office, while others find out about our services from flyers in funeral homes or via our website.

I earn around 3500 euros gross per month.

Grief counseling: listening and speaking

How long a grief counseling lasts varies greatly.

We usually start with a weekly session of 45 to 60 minutes and later switch to a two-week rhythm.

There is also group accompaniment in which several families, younger or older young people come together.

I like these dates very much because the mourners can strengthen and understand each other.

My job is to create a space where people can talk about their grief and loss.

To start with, I ask, for example, what made the deceased person so special.

After that, I often work with art-pedagogical and creative methods such as pottery or painting.

For example, I often make a 'Mutlicht' with children, a lantern glass that we stick on and paint with brightly colored stickers.

The children can set fire to this whenever the grief is particularly great.

"Children have a different understanding of death."

Grief counselor Mara

Children have a different understanding of death.

They do not yet regard it as universal and irreversible, sometimes with a lot of imagination they come up with explanations as to where a deceased could be now.

Adults often try to protect children from grief.

Children have a right to know the truth about death or the circumstances of death.

Even if someone chose death themselves.

Part of the mourning process is to be able to see the deceased person or the place where they died again - if the mourner so wishes - to develop their own ideas about death and to decide how to say goodbye.

Find back to life

More career entrants

• Career entry as a teacher in the corona crisis: "I felt like I was at the beginning again: totally overwhelmed" Recorded by Charlott Friederich

• Assistant doctor in gynecology: "I wanted to cry, but I didn't have time" Recorded by Helene Flachsenberg

• Career entry in the Catholic Church: "Sometimes I notice that I am not Bruce Almighty either" By Lukas Kissel

In addition to the memory work, I also find out what the mourners need to feel better and what support they may already have for this.

Together we think about what the future might look like and integrate the loss into life.

It is important to me to accept everyone as they are in their grief.

I also want to let her know that it's okay to have fun and laugh again.

When I told friends and family about my training at the time, many feared that I would not be able to set myself apart after working hours.

So far I've been doing well.

After each contact, we talk to the team and document the consultation.

I can express my thoughts there and leave everything burdensome behind.

In order to actively create distance, I also use a trick: I only wear some clothes to work - and change them after work.

Grief in the corona pandemic

Due to Corona, my job started differently than planned, all personal consultations had to be canceled.

Instead, my colleagues and I organized online group meetings and one-on-one interviews via video chat.

We sent craft ideas and materials for children by post.

One-on-one discussions are now possible again subject to hygiene requirements.

"This pandemic has a big impact on grief."

Grief counselor Mara

This pandemic is having a huge impact on grief.

For example, children who have just lost a parent can develop very fears of loss.

They are afraid of contracting the coronavirus at school and infecting their other parent.

In addition, funerals cannot take place as usual.

You can't meet friends and family, social support is lost.

Regardless of the Corona, I would like to see grief work being valued more.

This also applies to the financing.

The bereaved often have to bear the cost of the counseling themselves if it is not financed by the youth welfare office or donations.

I would like everyone to have the opportunity to deal with their grief appropriately. "

Have you just started your career yourself and would like to tell us about it?

Then write to us at

SPIEGEL-Start@spiegel.de

.

Icon: The mirror