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"I do not know what to do to make my boyfriend take an interest in me": these couples confronted with the decline in desire

2021-03-14T12:49:26.334Z


The wear and tear of time, daily life, family life or professional constraints ... the reasons are numerous but the observation remains


"Honestly, I am unable to tell you since when we no longer had sex with my wife ..." Serge recognizes it without embarrassment or a hint of reproach in his voice.

More like an observation.

Married for almost thirty years, this father of three now adult children has almost given up on his sexuality.

“The less we practice and the less we want,” sums up the 50-year-old.

Family everyday life, work, social life, there were plenty of reasons that gradually took us away.

Today our carnal contacts boil down to a few tender gestures.

We don't talk about it.

I don't miss it and obviously neither does my wife.

I tell myself that there is a time for everything.

That of sex is apparently over.

"

"If we don't nurture sexuality, it ends up fading"

The decline in desire and the scarcity of sex life is a constant banality.

But couples who are satisfied with it are rare and the imbalance of desires is at the heart of everyone's questions.

“Frankly, I don't know what to do to make my boyfriend take an interest in me,” Dorothée moans.

Ten years after a fiery encounter in a Rennes nightclub, the young mother tries in vain to rekindle the flame of her couple.

“In the evening, he spends hours in front of the TV or looking at his phone,” she continues.

When he comes to bed, he tells me that he is tired, that he does not have the head for that.

I tried to be enterprising, I spoke to him about it.

Nothing works.

So I settle for one report every month when it's finally decided.

And again, I wonder if it is not because he is tired of hearing me insist ”.

The very strong injunction of society for a fulfilling, rich and varied sexuality ends up putting terrible pressure on marital beds.

“However, we must accept that there is movement in desire, it is not something rectilinear.

If we don't nurture this sexuality, it ends up fading, ”recalls Capucine Moreau.

The sex therapist and author of

Erotic Creativity in the Couple

observes in her Toulouse office how couples run after the memory of the first hot antics.

“Relationships start with a passion, a madness and there is a nostalgia for that moment except that it is very difficult to maintain, continues the practitioner.

Always wanting to link love and sexuality makes it all complicated.

There are millions of reasons for sex life to wither away.

And no magic solution.

Finding a fulfilling sexuality requires energy and especially to spend time together again.

A couple who no longer share anything will not experience fireworks in the evening in their bed.

We must nurture this intimate and emotional bond because the erotic connection is not infinite.

"

"We have very classic relationships, that doesn't suit me anymore"

Jacques seeks by all means to find this sensual complicity with his partner.

But this Parisian quadra ensures to be short of ideas.

"I live a real frustration because I have a very strong sexual desire which comes up against an almost systematic refusal of my wife, slips this frame.

Despite my best efforts, I find it very difficult to find the words.

In particular to evoke certain fantasies.

In the end, we have very classic relationships and that doesn't suit me anymore.

For her part, I have the impression that she is happy with it.

I don't see myself going through this situation for years to come.

"

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“There is a sort of routine that sets in and still too many women have the feeling of having to fulfill a marital duty, notes Alexia Bacouël, sex therapist and author of the book

The below of the pleasure

.

Indulging without envy ends up extinguishing the desire.

The brain perceives sex as a reward.

If there's fun, we'll want to start over.

Otherwise, we'll prefer to eat chocolate (laughs).

However, it is difficult to regain your appetite after a long period of fasting.

“After the birth of our two children, our life was very turned upside down, including sexually, recognizes Astrid.

I had the impression that with my extra pounds and dark circles under my eyes, I no longer interested my husband too much.

This lasted for several years.

In the eyes of everyone, we passed for the cool parents who always have fun in bed when not at all.

Finally it came back with something super cliché ”.

An evening of selling sex toys at a friend's home will be a game-changer: “I bought one and it sparked a conversation about our desires.

Instead of telling each other that things were wrong, we got excited and thought about what we would like to do.

Basically, since we started talking about ass together, we put it back into practice (laughs) ”.

The solution: communication

The therapists insist on dialogue, the idea of ​​taking one's sexuality in hand and making it a couple's project that we prepare like the next summer vacation.

“Some couples are still in love but abandon the question of sex sometimes for fear of the answer, engages Alexia Bacouël.

You have to know how to abandon the idea of ​​quantity to bet on quality and find yourself actors, share things and take your time.

"

However, some do not have the patience to wait: "I left my wife because we no longer slept together", assumes Pierre.

The young father had realized that his couple resisted "for the wrong reasons".

And to list childcare, maintaining a certain lifestyle and buying a house on credit.

“After two years with almost no sex, I concluded that we were just life partners,” continues the computer scientist.

We couldn't stand even the slightest physical contact, we no longer had any privacy or libido.

As soon as I got divorced, it came right back.

"

Does this article appeal to you?

Does your sex life question you or do you simply want to share your personal experiences?

Write to me at

bmetayer@leparisien.fr

or on Twitter:

@BertrandMetayer

Source: leparis

All news articles on 2021-03-14

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