Sexual regret: what men and women regret about 'adventures'

04/06/2021 11:33

• Clarín.com

• Good Life

Updated 04/06/2021 11:46

Many people think that regretting something has its positive side because it helps not to repeat the mistake.

But that does not always happen and less if it is casual sex, according to a recent investigation that also found differences between the reasons for repentance of men and women.

"Most people continue with the same sexual behavior and the

same level of regret,

" says Professor Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair, from the Department of Psychology at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology (NTNU), who carried out the work.

Kennair's team focused on studying whether

sexual regret is functional

.

That is, if it contributes to change something in behavior in the face of a similar situation in the future, or if it simply acts in the same way and falls back into regret and regret.

The study participants answered a questionnaire about sexual regret twice, at intervals of approximately 4.5 months, which allowed to study whether there were changes or not.

They often regret not taking advantage of more situations.

Illustrative photo Shutterstock.

What do they and they regret

The researchers found that both men and women sometimes regret what they did the last time the opportunity for casual sex arose.

But they often regret

completely different

things

.

They tend to feel more than men for having had casual sex.

While they regret

not taking advantage of a casual sex opportunity

much more than women.

"We wanted to examine whether their level of regret contributed to a change in behavior the next time," explains Professor Mons Bendixen, another of the authors of the work, on the objectives of the research.

They regret casual sex more often than men.

Illustrative photo Shutterstock.

Is it useful to repent?

Kennair argues that there are emotions that are revealed to be functional, such as fear that protects against danger, for example.

Likewise, many psychologists assume that repentance has a function.

Which one?

That of influencing our behavior so that we modify it.

How would it work?

In practice, after experiencing

negative emotions

, we would change our behavior to reduce the risk of having these negative feelings later.

Previous studies have concluded that this is something most people believe in.

"They assume that regret is actually a

useful negative feeling

. People assume that it leads them not to repeat what they regretted," says postdoctoral fellow Trond Viggo Grøntvedt, who participated in the research.

But if regret worked that way, wouldn't men have more casual sex the next time the opportunity presented itself?

And wouldn't women avoid such situations more often?

No, that does not happen.

The study findings show that

we do not learn

from what we perceive to be a mistake.

Repenting does not usually change behaviors, they say.

Illustrative photo Shutterstock.

Why don't we learn from our mistakes?

Probably because our behavior depends on our personality, which is quite different and more complicated than a feeling of regret that lasts more or less time, the researchers explain.

When the opportunity arises and

the excitement appears

, or not, we probably react as before.

"We are not that surprised," says Kennair of the study results.

"If repentance helped, wouldn't most sinners become saints? What do you regret most often? Did you change your behavior related to that?"

Flexible repentance

Regret is flexible,

not constant

.

Or, as psychologists say, regret is adaptive, it changes according to conditions, the authors of the work argue.

"We have repeated that regret is adaptive in all our articles on the subject in recent years.

And now we have proven it,

" Kennair is proud.

According to him, it is the first work that addresses repentance for sexual behavior.

"We found little information on this topic. But both most researchers and people in general believe that

repentance is wise,

" says Grøntvedt.

The work showed, however, that it does not seem to have a great impact on the modification of future behaviors.

Regret less

Did you exercise enough lately?

Did you eat too much?

Did you fulfill all your obligations?

Did you say something you shouldn't have said?

All issues that often generate internal conflict.

Does it help to regret things sometimes?

"There are some people who think that depressive rumination and worry are a good idea. But the way we treat depression and generalized anxiety disorders is by helping people stop ruminating and worrying. people do, think or feel is an evolutionary adaptation, sometimes it is not appropriate either, "says Kennair.

Look also

Why do young people have less casual sex?

Sincerity or sincericide in sex ?: what to say and how to say it