“For years, I didn't pay much attention to my girlfriends' orgasms.
I think that I often had to be classified in the category of bad moves ”.
Mathieu is not an isolated case.
Orgasm is firmly rooted in the collective imagination as the natural outcome of successful intercourse.
A goal without which disappointment would invariably follow excitement.
A largely masculine perception, as ejaculation too often seals the heated debates.
Enough to widen the "orgasmic gap" between women and men.
A 2014 Ifop study found that 63% of women said they had an orgasm the last time they had sex.
They were 86% to think that their male partner, him, had felt one.
And over a year, 20% of French women had not reached orgasm.
On the other hand, a study published in the United States in 2000 confirmed that 95% of heterosexual men “frequently or always” reach orgasm during a sexual act.
What to wonder about this inequality.
"A sexual catch-up session"
“I enjoy every time I make love and whatever the nature of the practices or the positions that I adopt, confirms Mathieu.
Until recently, I must admit that I had a very selfish relationship with sexuality.
My pleasure came first ”.
The meeting with his new partner will be a game-changer.
“She told me very quickly that she was not satisfied and that I was doing it wrong.
At 30, I had the right to a sexual catch-up session, ”admits the computer technician.
On the menu for evening classes: the variety of caresses, the ban on systematic penetration and the attention paid to the clitoris.
"It's crazy the number of guys who still think that the pleasure comes only through their cock, sighs Hélène.
We have plenty of erogenous zones to stimulate and they also have fingers and a tongue.
The field of possibilities is nevertheless vast ”.
As nothing physiologically explains the orgasmic gap, we must rather look on the side of practices to understand why the scales are tilting the wrong way for women.
In particular by the ignorance of the clitoris and its 8000 nerve endings.
The influence of a sexual imagery very marked by the domination of male pleasure is also a rather glaring indication of the problem.
"If you are young and you watch porn, everything is done to indicate to you that just by penetrating your partner, you are the king of sex, analyzes Theo with a smile.
You understand quite quickly that it is not that simple ”.
Orgasm or enjoyment?
At 44, Cécile has been watching things change with interest in recent years.
“We talk more easily about female pleasure, there are a bunch of very well-done Instagram accounts on the issue, the girls are speaking out.
I think it infuses boys, especially the youngest ”.
The administrator in the cultural field considers that orgasm has been a systematic ambition for too long.
Even if it means making the quest in vain.
“If that's a goal in itself, it doesn't work,” she remarks.
We must also make the difference between orgasm and enjoyment.
Some men are in the cult of performance, they are obsessed with giving their partner an orgasm.
They are not the best lovers.
There are stages, a pleasure to climb.
Getting to cum depends on so many things.
Alone, I know that I can consistently achieve a fast and satisfying orgasm.
Together, I seek more the feeling of the body to body and the common ecstasy.
For that, it is necessary to dialogue ”.
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The ability to surrender, to be attentive to the fantasies of the other and receptive to all of his senses pleads for a reciprocal development.
The various studies show that sexual satisfaction is more important in couples than during casual encounters.
“Because a guy you see the first time, you can't give him all of the instructions at once,” Stéphanie laughs.
A year after the start of her relationship, the teacher believes that she has found an excellent sexual balance.
“He was receptive to the fact that I needed the time and not jump on me directly,” she explains.
After a certain moment, we know what pleases us mutually, there is listening and complicity.
And I feel that my boyfriend takes pleasure in making me cum.
It's really fulfilling for both of us ”.
“I have no problem talking about ass and I like to put my feet in the dish with friends, continues Cécile.
I hallucinate to still hear talk of vaginal or clitoral orgasm when this notion has no meaning.
There is still some way to go, but I am convinced that this famous gap will end by gradually closing ”.
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