On the wall of Nili Heftzadi's house hangs the figure of her son Nir who was killed in a terrorist attack on a pedestrian street in Jerusalem, during his service • In the past year, death has struck her twice more, with the death of her husband Mordechai and her son Moshe from the coronavirus
"I, as a believing woman, ask: Why is this happening to me?".
Nili near the souvenir wall in her house
Photo:
Oren Ben Hakon
Death is present in almost every corner of the quiet home of 73-year-old Nili Heftzadi in the Har Homa neighborhood of Jerusalem.
Above the dining table hangs a picture of the son, the late Sergeant Nir Heftzadi, another room is a kind of memorial hall dedicated to him. Entering the room illustrates the intensity of longing and her brave connection with the son, who remained forever young after being killed in a terrorist attack in Jerusalem about 20 years ago. The walls hang more pictures of Nir in uniform and Nili looks at them with sad eyes torn in. In the closet is his personal weapon and next to it an impressive shield of honor, testifying to his excellence during his military service.
Nili keeps every item related to Nir and even a card brought to her by one of his friends during the shiva.
The same friend said he had no money for travel and Nir gave him his card.
"As the youngest son, he was the love of my life," says Nili sadly.
"It's still love I can not gauge. I can not describe the loss of a son. It's a pain that pierces the heart and leaves the heart - if it still exists - scarred and sore. Everything reminds me of it. It's very, very difficult. It accompanies me. Every second, every hour, every day. I sleep with Nir and wake up with him. 19 and a half years I go to sleep with him, after I kiss all his pictures. I made a museum of Nir, and now unfortunately I have to add Moshe, my second son as well. Nir child "Amazing, shy, handsome with manners and politeness. There are no such things."
To this day, Nili finds it difficult to come to terms with the circumstances that led to Nir's death in a terrorist attack in Jerusalem.
"I did not believe and I still do not believe. Nir served for a year and a half in the armor. At first he would charge a knot and then an artilleryman in the tank. His commanders said wonderful things about him during his swearing - in that even I as his mother did not know. There was a battalion training, he got an outstanding soldier and went out for five, so I say it's a bitter and cruel fate.
"He asked to go with friends on Saturday night to eat on the fire in Talpiot because he was not supposed to be home for two weeks. I told him: 'I made pizza at home. Come, eat pizza because I have to wake up with you in the morning and bounce you to Central Station.' He told me: ' No mom, it's okay. Everything's ready. I'm eating with friends and then I'm coming. Later my husband went to bed and told me there was another attack. It was a period of attacks one after the other at a terrible rate. I continued to sleep. At half past one the phone rang by the bed. I heard him and for a moment I thought I should wake up to take Nir to Central Station. Across the line I heard Nir's friend say, 'We are looking for and not finding him.' I jumped out of bed. My husband Mordechai told me he was going to Hadassah for identification. I told him: "The attack was on the sidewalk and Nir was not there except in Talpiot."
But unfortunately Nir and his friends changed their plans and went to eat pizza on the sidewalk.
"Nir would not spend time on the sidewalk," says Nili, "I do not know what took them there. They ordered a pizza and told them it would be ready in a quarter of an hour. In the meantime they went to a CD stand that was there, and then there was an attack. There were two attacks at the same place. Of a few seconds. They escaped the first attack, but did not manage to escape the second. Two of the four friends were killed - Nir and Moshe Yedid-Levy. Yossi and Avihu were seriously injured in this attack. Nir had a heart of gold. After he was killed, I lost a human photographer. I did not see None of the members of the household. "
"All Jerusalem Prayed"
During the interview, Mindy Levinger, the coordinator of families in Jerusalem and Judea and Samaria of the "One Family" organization, which works for families affected by terrorism and helps thousands of families throughout the country, enters the house.
Mindy embraces Nili to her heart in a warm embrace and does everything she can to bring some positive energies and light into her life.
"We help, like a family that is wrapped up, that is there in any problem," she says, "We make contact with families who have been through terrorism, this inferno, this terrible thing, and say, 'We are your new family.' We help them financially and mentally in a hug. "Great. We are a family that never leaves. Hand in hand with them throughout the years."
Nili nods in agreement and adds: "This name, 'One Family', fits so well into their embrace. It's just family and even more. Support, love and giving. There are classes and also trips out of town. There are amazing places I have traveled with that I have not seen before."
Added to the long years of grief and mourning for her son Nir was the last year, in which Nili had to deal with the death of her beloved husband Mordechai, who died about a year ago after suffering from kidney disease, and with the death of her eldest son Moshe, after succumbing to the corona virus.
"All of Jerusalem prayed for Moshe's recovery and there was a challah discharge," says Nili. "40 women asked to come and about 100 arrived during these difficult hours. Our most important thing is the endless hug and attention. I myself was sick in Corona for two weeks at home alone. And Mindy and the neighbors helped me. The first day I got out of bed after recovering from the corona they took me in a chair to Beilinson to see Moshe. He lives in my house, contracted in the corona in his workplace and I contracted it. He was hospitalized for three weeks and died on the ninth of the tribe this year. ".
About her husband, she says: "My husband Mordechai had a kidney disease for years. His condition deteriorated, and he was hospitalized in the emergency room two hours before the order last year. He had a clinical death that week, he was in intensive care for a month and a week and died in the hospital. It is genetic in the family. Lost kidneys and started doing dialysis, while we sat seven on paper.Moshe was transplanted and the doctors said the transplant did not survive the corona.
"Every day I expected to hear about stabilization in Moshe's condition. Probably this is my destiny. I have no other explanation for this. A mother burying two sons, it is hallucinatory and inconceivable - also Moshe's death, in addition to Nir's death that I do not recover from, and of Mordechai, who we have been married for 48 years. Thank God I have the support of my two amazing daughters, Sima and Hanit. I am a believing woman and ask 'why is this happening to me?' ".
"Mom, put me to sleep"
The Heftzadi family, who lived in the Gilo neighborhood, moved about a year and a half after Snir was killed in the Har Homa neighborhood.
"We decided to make a commemorative room for Nir in yellow and black because he was a fan of Betar Jerusalem," says Nili. "We did everything by personal order with the curtains and the bedspread.
It was important to me that everything be as if Nir was here and would come in a moment.
I would change Nir's bedding several times a year as if he was sleeping there.
Even a piece of paper, with Nir's name written on it, I do not throw away.
Everything is kept in Nir's closet.
"Every morning I come in here, kiss all the pictures at hand and say to him 'Good morning, Nir.' In the evening I leave him a light bulb and a small light in the room, say 'Good night, Nir' and kiss all the pictures. I can not. Nir was The love of my life, and now Moshe too. I do not feel that I am functioning. I tell my daughters that I so want and strive for them, otherwise I would get into bed and never get out of it. I promise my daughters that I will recover slowly. I hardly leave the house. After Mordechai Died I had a fall.We were married since 1971 and he was more than a husband to me.I did not see kindness, modesty and humility like his.We had a love of soul.
"I have focused on Mordecai for the last two years and have not left him for a second because he had kidney disease. I believe there will be redemption, the Messiah will come, with the help of the name, and there will be a resurrection. Maybe that's what keeps me going, holding on to that faith keeps me up in the morning. "I have my daughters and five grandchildren. Ariel, my grandson who is a soldier, calls me and comes to eat with me. He feels my love for him."
Despite the tragedies, Nili continues to be the queen of the Cuban family and prepares the traditional dish for the grandchildren.
"Nir really liked Cuba, Yifrach and Kada. That's why I haven't eaten these foods for 19 and a half years. It's something Nir enjoys, so I can not enjoy. I can not. Moshe's case completely erased my heart, what was left there. "Until the day I die, they will be with me. It is very difficult for me. I wake up in the morning for the sake of those who remain."
Nili was born in November 1947 and grew up as an only child.
Her father, who immigrated from Iraq, enlisted in the Palmach and when she was only six months old was killed in the War of Independence: “I did not know him.
I have never said the word 'dad' in my life.
My mother did not remarry, and since I was an only child I said I would give birth to four children.
I did not want them to experience the loneliness I experienced as a child, but once again fate.
It is very difficult for me without my children and without my husband.
It is difficult for me without Moshe because he has lived with me for a while.
Moshe treated me in Corona with great love.
"He cared so much for me after Mordechai died. Before they put Moshe to sleep, they let him call me. I was so happy to hear him, but he told me his last words: 'Mom, put me to sleep. Take care of the children for me. I love you.' I said to him: "Moses, do not say this. I read Psalms with the help of the name." He knew it was the end, so he asked us to take care of his children. Moses did not speak anymore. It is very difficult for me. What is left for me are the two daughters and grandchildren. Mordechai, Moshe and Nir "
