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Army and Security
Israel Memorial Day
"I was always told 'be strong for the parents'. Where am I in the story?"
Eliran did not cry next to his parents when his older brother fell on a solid cliff, Ren received the news from the city officer when he returned from school, and Bar Levav was asked to think of everyone except herself: "I saw the family change in an instant - and also experienced the disaster."
After years in the shadow of fathers and mothers, the bereaved brothers present their angle
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Memorial Day for the victims of the Israeli military and the victims of hostilities
Sapir Levy
Wednesday, 14 April 2021, 07:14
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Unique angle.
Students in the military cemetery in Givatayim, yesterday (Photo: Reuven Castro)
Eliran Dagorker lost his brother in a Katyusha fall in a gathering area on Eitan Cliff.
Ran Shaham's brother was killed in a controlled explosive device explosion more than three decades ago, and the life of Bar Levav Dekel's brother was cut short in a terrorist attack in Tel Aviv in 2016.
The circumstances in the three cases are completely different, but Eliran, Ran and Bar Levav describe similar feelings in relation to the loss, and the position they have taken within it over the years.
Those feelings are a common denominator for many of the bereaved brothers.
Over the years they have been perceived, albeit not on the surface, as two important to fathers and mothers, and the personal and unique angle of those who experienced bereavement as young children or during the process of adolescence has been pushed out of the discourse.
Now, through associations and personal development, they understand that they too have a place.
This is the story of some of them.
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"I begged my father to take care of himself."
The Dagorker family (Photo: courtesy of the family)
Eliran says that his older brother, Barak Rafael Dagorker, was a torch for his family who followed him.
"He was a classic brother, magnetizing you to do things like him. The differences between us are very small. My brother and I enlisted in the engineering corps, and he even swept our cousins to choose the corps. Barak excited us, told us how he blew a minefield and all sorts of cool things. "They do in the engineering corps. I also chose South America as a destination for a trip after the army in its wake."
"The three brothers, we were all drafted into the reserve to take part in Operation Eitan. I was assigned to enter the third round, which in the end did not happen. Barak and my middle brother were each drafted into their own reserve battalion. On the morning of the day he was killed they declared a humanitarian ceasefire. ten at night my parents called him and he did not answer, but returned them after a few minutes and said he was keeping. he begged my father to keep himself when alarms and jump work.
Barak explained the father of the danger of shrapnel. he told my father that he was at Camp IDF And they have to take care of themselves.
Always tried to lessen and take away from all of us the worry.
Then, a few minutes after that call, Katyusha 107 fell in a gathering area near Barak.
He was hit by shrapnel and killed. "
"The breakup was very technical."
Barak Rafael Dagorker (Photo: Courtesy of the family)
The news of his death knocked on his parents' door at 2 p.m.
His other brother received her in a gathering area.
"And I was with a friend of mine in Rishon Lezion, and the city officer was sent to me there," he recalled.
"They did not knock on their door because the friend of my girlfriend's parents, who is now my wife, was also in the operation, and they did not want to scare them. My father called me and told me the good news, and told me that the city officer was waiting for me under my girlfriend's building. "Me at home. Sahar came from the army. The four of us gathered at our house. Crowds of people started coming to our house. All the neighbors around were already with us."
"When the three of us were in a cloud pillar at the same time in the Tze'elim area and there were falls at the base, I immediately picked up the phone to Barak and Sahar. Your siblings can get hurt. My parents in Operation Pillar of Cloud jumped the three of us an hour and a half apart during Friday dinner. So, they were not afraid. But this time, on a solid cliff, my parents had a bad feeling about our 8th order.
At first I said goodbye to my brother. Was very technical. I did not cry next to my parents, and I try to be strong for them. I'm dealing with myself, with my wife. Suddenly I'm older than my older brother in terms of age, I had a baby girl. When she was born one of the first things I thought about was' how do I go "Tell her about Barak? '" All kinds of situations that I myself do not know how to deal with. My 3-and-a-half-year-old daughter said now on Seder night she said that Elijah the prophet and Barak have wings. "
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Starting to tell their story (Photo: Walla !, official website)
During the time he knew the association and began attending meetings, the requirement to describe his experiences was not natural for Eliran.
"In the first years I had a very hard time talking about Barak. My middle brother Sahar said he was going to talk about Barak already in the first year the association opened. I sat there and watched Sahar talk about Barak, and I thought that was not how I see things. It gave me the courage to tell. "The stories the way I see him. Not like my parents or my middle brother, but out of my own eyes. I did not talk about how I felt, suddenly it gave me some place."
On the restrictions that applied on the previous Memorial Day, he says that "last year's ban on not going up to Barak's grave due to the closure was not simple, on the other hand I realized it was the order of the day. I felt very difficult for my parents and despite the closure I drove and sat with them for two hours. "There are more important things. Last year, thanks to the association, I transferred zoom calls about Barak to a high-tech company, to my locality and also to Jewish students in Europe. That's how I really felt I was talking about Barak. On a normal Memorial Day, I don't get exposure from such a large number of people."
"I liked the smell of his dusty uniform."
Shani Shaham (Photo: Courtesy of the family)
Shani Shaham, Ran's brother, served as a fighter in the Combat Engineering Corps' bomb disposal unit, and fell in the unit's operations in the Rangers Valley at the age of 21. On that day they practiced developing weapons with the military industry, In a controlled manner.
They left the sabotage girls, and before they could get away the explosion that led to their deaths occurred.
"I was 15 when this horrible incident happened to us in the family. Shani was my big brother. He was a month before his release vacation," Ren recalls.
"The disaster happened in the evening, and the next morning we still did not know. When I returned from school I saw the city officer's representatives sitting with us on the couch next to my parents, and I immediately understood what happened. Shani was the older brother, someone you always look up to. I really liked the smell of his dusty uniform. When he would come. "
"It's a tough deal. My kids have no cousins."
Ran Shaham (Photo: Courtesy of those photographed)
As part of the association's activities, Ran reveals the details of his personal case to various listeners, including youth movements, schools and workplaces.
"It's a very difficult, very complex struggle," he admits.
"I go to bed with it and get up with it in the morning. There's hardly a day I do not think about it, if he were alive who his family was. My children have no cousins. I was very young, it was really three days after I went up to ninth grade.
In months "The first coping is very difficult. We cry all the time at home. Everything reminds us of Shani - if it is objects, people who come to our house. When he fell we lived in a settlement called 'Birch', and today the settlement is named after Shani 'Shani Birch'."
"It should be understood that bereaved families every day is a day of remembrance, but there is still meaning to a day when everyone thinks of the fallen. We always made sure to go up to the cemetery, last year was a bit of a strange year. When you get together it matters, it gives comfort and supports the heavy price. "We paid. The gathering in the cemetery was lacking, because people did not come home either - they usually come after her."
"I'm the last to know"
Alon Beckel was killed in a terrorist attack at the "Alley" bar on Dizengoff Street in Tel Aviv.
The terrorist fired a submachine gun, killing Alon, one of the bar's executives, and Shimon Ruimi, who was present at a birthday party there.
Seven were injured.
On his escape from the scene, he murdered the taxi driver Amin Shaaban, a resident of Lod.
"Alon did not exist, he still exists," explains his sister, Bar Levav.
"We are three brothers: Alon is the middle, I am the youngest and my father is my older brother. Alon is six years older than me, he is a very powerful guy, he has all the abilities. When the disaster happened I was 20. Today I am 26, and even more understand the meaning of life And some of his qualities are special. "
"Afraid to be with myself quietly and be sucked into disaster."
Bar Levav and Alon Bekel (Photo: Courtesy of the family)
In the case of two, no official representatives or other order were involved in disclosing the loss.
"The disaster happened two weeks after I was discharged from the army. I worked as a waitress at a restaurant in Carmiel and my parents helped my brother move to an apartment in Tel Aviv. I touched a cell phone and suddenly saw a lot of messages - 'How are you, brother, keep your fingers crossed,'" she says.
"Of course I did not know anything. The partner I was with at the time came to a restaurant and told me that there was a murderous attack in Tel Aviv, and that we were going to a hospital. During the trip they did not let me hear the news. Everyone knew Alon was not alive and I was the last I knew. "I was taken out of a hospital in Tel Aviv and I saw hundreds of people. I understood on my own."
"It's been five years and I'm constantly trying to suppress, I can 't digest it - and the truth is I do not want to. And on the other hand, I feel very strong. Today I'm nearing graduation, at 26 it's not obvious. I'm constantly In doing so because I am afraid of being with myself quietly and being sucked into disaster, "she continues.
"They keep telling me 'be strong for your parents'. They catch me on the street and tell me 'how are you daddy? How are you mom?'. True, parents first of all, but where am I in the story? On the contrary, I also see how my family changed in an instant One and also experiencing the disaster. "
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