The mother and father of Corporal Thiago Ben Zikri, a lone soldier from Brazil, died of corona a few weeks apart • Despite the immense pain, he continued to serve in the Navy • Interview
"I decided to mobilize all the mental forces."
Tiago on a tugboat in the port of Haifa
Photo:
Efrat Eshel
One week after completing
his training as a lone soldier in the IDF, Corporal Thiago Ben-Zikri received the first job news that shook his world. His beloved father, the late Stanley, died of coronation in Brazil, thousands of miles away. Less than two months passed, and the second bitter news landed on him, in the midst of a Navy course: his mother, the late Ladia, also contracted the virus and died in Brazil after contracting it from his father.
Tiago, now a tug mechanic in the Navy, has a hard time finding the words to describe his grief. Precisely after he managed to fulfill his big dream - to immigrate to Israel and serve in the IDF - he did not get to say goodbye to his parents, who supported him all the way. Despite the deep pain, Tiago decided to keep the spiritual will they passed on to him before they died: Or give up for a moment.
"It tore me apart. On the one hand I wanted to be by my parents' side in their last moments in Brazil, and on the other hand I knew I had to finish the tug mechanic course, to which I was placed, and succeed in my track in the IDF.
My mother told me shortly before her death: 'Tiago, continue in the army, continue in your course'.
So I decided to give it a try and get what she wanted. "
* * *
During the interview, which takes place at the home of the Israeli family that adopts him in Hod Hasharon, Tiago (23) often smiles. Where many might have given up and broken down, Tiago exhibits admirable psychic powers, constructed of tough, purposeful human material.
He was born in Manaus, the capital of the state of Amazonas in northern Brazil, a volume of two million inhabitants. His parents recognized each other in high school, became a couple and did not separate for a moment - until their deaths. His last name, Ben Zikri, is common among Jews living in northern Brazil. "90 percent of the community there are Spaniards who came from Morocco," he explains.
His mother became pregnant and at the age of 16 gave birth to his two older brothers, twins Ruben and Stanley Jr. (31). “My dad was then 17. He left high school in the 11th grade, working in the family business repairing and selling large refrigerators. Mom went on to high school and studied accounting at university. For a living she worked as an event producer. I was born eight years after my twin brothers, and we have another little sister, Valentina (16). "
As a child he attended a private school. "I had a lot of fun there. From noon we could play any sport or art we liked. I played tennis, practiced judo and also made artwork. I had a lot of friends at school, and I really enjoyed it."
His hometown is famous for a global natural attraction that passes through its territory: the Amazon, the largest river in the world, chosen as one of the seven wonders of the natural world. "Millions of tourists come to Manaus because of the river, including Israeli backpackers, and as children we went out to spend weekends there and sail boats. We spent a lot of time in the Amazon and made a crazy living there."
The Jewish community in the city, which has 2,000 members, did not feel connected at first. "But at home we celebrated the holidays, made a big Passover Seder and celebrated Rosh Hashanah. It was very important to my family. At the age of 17, I worked for two years, alongside my studies, also as a security guard in our synagogue, and it connected me more to Judaism."
Six years ago, after graduating from high school, he began studying mechanical engineering at a university in his city. "I did not like these studies, which are supposed to last five years. I knew that until I finished them it would be difficult for me to find a good job, and that bothered me a lot."
Five years ago, he went on a ten-day trip to Israel, as part of the "Birthright" project, during which he was first captivated by the charm of the country. At the beginning of 2018, after the first three years of study at the university, he returned here as part of Masa's "Journey" project. This time he lived for six months in a rented apartment in the Florentine neighborhood of Tel Aviv, funded by the organization, with partners who came to the project from Peru, Argentina and the United States.
"It was an unusual and very powerful experience. Suddenly I found myself getting along with people who came from different backgrounds, I practiced my English and felt I was enriching myself a lot. At the same time we traveled in Israel and learned about the heritage of the State of Israel.
"In Tel Aviv I felt mostly freedom. It is a big city, full of life, with a beach and plenty of culture and restaurants. In Brazil I did not feel that way. In Manaus live many people who are not interested in developing, and the city itself is very far from central Brazil. "I wanted to progress, develop and grow. I realized that Israel is my place. Here I want to serve in the army, study, find a good job and live. Through 'Journey' I volunteered for a Tel Aviv start-up company that develops applications, and I was just great in Israel."
With the insights and passion he absorbed during his stay in the country, Tiago returned to his life and family in Brazil.
"I stayed in Manaus for another year, and then I decided to stop studying completely. At the same time I worked to prepare my immigration to Israel - a process that lasted a year. I explained the move to my parents, told them that in Israel I could study, find a good job, enlist in the army and contribute to the country. "But my dad was a little reluctant.
" He told me, "Tiago, don't enlist in me."
He was very afraid that something would happen to me.
He also asked, 'And what about your university studies?'
It really was a complicated and unpleasant piece.
"After I left school, I worked in the family business of refrigerators, and through the Jewish Agency in Brazil, I promoted my immigration procedures to Israel."
* * *
In August 2019, Tiago finally immigrated to Israel, and landed at Kibbutz Maagan Michael, near Zichron Yaacov. "A friend of mine from Brazil, who previously stayed at the kibbutz, told me that there is a good Hebrew studio for immigrants. I knew I could also work there until I was drafted. I stayed at Maagan Michael for five months, and that was an experience. I learned Hebrew and worked in the kibbutz's fishery, alongside Thai workers. "They spoke English, I did not speak Hebrew, so we communicated with each other with hand gestures."
Tiago lives in a room in the kibbutz with a partner who also immigrated from Brazil. "There were other friends who came up with us, and the feeling was great. At one point I joined the 'Sabra' nucleus (an escort and assistance program for lone soldiers who are new immigrants; NA), and the nucleus members arranged my recruitment matters and kept in touch with the military authorities."
As part of "Sabar", he moved into an apartment in an absorption center in Raanana, with two other partners - also lone soldiers. "I was the only Brazilian, and with me in the nucleus were another 80 guys from all over the world - Canada, England, USA, South Africa, Guatemala, Thailand. I got along with everyone, we spoke English. In the meantime, my Hebrew has improved, and by the time my enlistment arrived, I was already speaking fairly fluently. "
In April 2020, Tiago enlisted in the IDF. "It was very important to me to make an army. I knew it would help me integrate into Israeli society, and I really wanted to contribute to the country where I live. And there was something else: the corona spread around the world then, and it became more difficult to find work and study. So I knew the army was my place."
Upon his enlistment, he underwent an intensive Hebrew course at the Mahon Alon base in the Lower Galilee, which lasted two and a half months ("It really improved my understanding and speech"), and from there he wanted to continue in the Navy. "I wanted this corps more than anything. I love the sea, and I knew I was not fit to serve in the south, in the desert, but only in the north of the country. I come from the jungles of Brazil, and it does not go with desert. Besides, I really like the white, beautiful uniform of the navy. "
Tiago asked his principal in the" Sabra "nucleus to help him reach the corps. At the same time, his commanders at the protest base also came to fulfill his dream. The efforts bore fruit: in early August 2020 he underwent a three-week internship in the Navy, at the end of which he was placed on a nine-week course to train tug mechanics. "The role of the tugs is to provide technical assistance to the corps' ships, stilts and submarines. "Take the ships out of the port, and help with various naval missions," he explains.
But just when he felt he was on the path of self-fulfillment, the corona arrived and struck his family. "In the last week of my internship my dad got sick in Corona, in Manaus. It was very difficult for me to get the news. It was the first time I knew anyone who got sick in Corona. I was really scared. At the time we were doing range courses, and I felt I had to talk to Dad. In the course the situation, and I asked for a special permit to call Brazil. The permit was given to me, and I talked to my father on the phone.
"At that point he was still fine. Although lying in a hospital, but only with sore throat because of the virus. I asked him, 'Dad, how are you feeling?' And he answered me: 'Everything is fine, it's small, why are you worried?' "I don't think he knew then how dangerous the corona was and where this disease could go."
Sadly, the father's condition worsened rapidly. "After three days I moved him to intensive care, and for a short time it has improved a bit the severity of the symptoms. He was returned to intensive care room to hospitalization, and at the end of the training mine even sent him Bootsaf pictures of me in uniform, and talked a bit. He was very proud of me.
" All It was Friday morning. The next day his condition worsened again, and when I wanted to talk to him on Saturday, my mother told me that he had returned to intensive care and was no longer able to talk. On Monday he passed away, at the age of 49. My brother Ruben called to tell me. In Israel, it was then five o'clock in the morning, due to the time difference from Brazil.
"I was in complete shock. I did not stop crying, quietly, with myself, because I did not want to wake the other soldiers who were sleeping with me in the room. I was with nine other soldiers, and it was important for me to consider them, even in this difficult moment of my life.
"After an hour one of the soldiers woke up and heard me crying. He asked me: 'Tiago, is everything okay?'
"And I told him what happened. He tried to comfort and encourage me, but I had a very hard time mentally."
At that point, and this fact was later discovered by Tiago, his mother also contracted the virus.
"She was infected by my father, but her condition was easier at first, so she stayed home and was not hospitalized. My brother Ruben was also infected, and he was also in a mild condition."
* * *
At his father's funeral, Tiago watched a zoom broadcast, sitting in his roommate's apartment in Raanana. "I did not stop crying. Mom and Ruben, who were already ill, collapsed at the funeral - and from there were taken to the hospital. Luckily, I did not see it all in real time in Zoom, and only later did I learn from the family that they were hospitalized.
" I wanted to go home, to Brazil. Being with my family in these difficult times. But I realized I could not help anything, and that Brazil was being beaten in Corona on every corner and in every city. I would not get to see my father face to face even if I arrived at the hospital on time, because he was hospitalized in intensive care. I could not get close to my mother and brother either, because I might get infected from them.
"All the family members said to me, 'Tiago, you have nothing to do in Brazil, stay in your course in Israel.' It was very, very important to my mother. She said to me, 'Tiago, do not come, finish the course.' I felt she wanted me to succeed, Let me move forward, have a good and interesting time in the army.My brothers also supported my stay in the country. "
He continued in the IDF course, with his heart ached over his family in Brazil. “These were difficult days. On the one hand I was very motivated in the army, and on the other hand I lost my father, and my mother was also hospitalized. We had one last, amazing conversation, from the hospital, when she was still able to talk. I will never forget the words she said to me. "
Tiago pauses, looking sideways in pain." Mother said to me: 'Tiago, be strong. You are in Israel, continue the course, do not come here. She repeated the words 'Do not come here' again and again. I said to her, 'But Mom, what about you?' And she replied: 'Everything will be fine, we are all here together, and we are with you too. You're not alone, my son. '"
He takes a deep breath. She was weak, and by the time I called her it was hard for her to speak. I did not really hear her clearly in some of the conversations, because she whispered. "
Two weeks after their last conversation, Tiago's mother went into a coma, and on October 25, 2020, she passed away, at the age of 48. The heartbroken Tiago was left orphaned by her father and mother.
"My brother Ruben was the one who called to inform me again, and this morning. My two adoptive parents in Israel, Lilach and Tzachi, immediately came to pick me up from the base. On the way home, in Hod Hasharon, I watched Zoom at my mother's funeral, held in Brazil. I did not stop crying. I still have it in my head then, and it's not even perceived today
.
Sometimes I think I live in a bad and bitter movie.
I do not like to cry near people, so at nights, in the room at the base, when everyone fell asleep, I allowed myself to cry.
I cried a lot.
with myself.
quietly.
I cried for myself and my longing for them.
And especially about the fact that I could not say goodbye to them properly. "
* * *
Five days after his mother's death, Tiago completed a tug mechanic course. "Because of the corona restrictions in the country I was alone at the graduation ceremony, without friends and without my adoptive family. I was terribly sad. I always planned and knew my parents in Brazil would be full partners in my life, even if from afar. And suddenly I had such a heartbreaking boom.
" I also have a little joy: that despite everything I experienced during those difficult weeks, I was able to stand on my own two feet, function properly and successfully complete the course. It was something very exciting and important for me. "
After completing the course, when he was just starting to integrate as a mechanic in a tugboat, Tiago received special permission from the military to fly to Brazil - to stay with his family for a month. "I felt I had to do it. I was very burning to meet my brothers, my sister, to be close to everyone. When I got to Manaus, we hardly talked to each other about the death of the parents, as if we had pushed everything. I could not go to the Jewish cemetery where they are buried. To arrive, because the Brazilian government has banned visits to cemeteries, for fear of rallies.
"After two weeks of total repression we suddenly asked ourselves, why are we not talking about the horrible death and everything that has happened to us in the last crazy months? We decided to go together, my older brothers and I, for psychological counseling. Within two weeks we met four times with a psychologist. In these conversations, we took out everything that was on our minds. "
At the end of a month with his family, Tiago returned to Israel. "I knew that my future was in the country, and that I wanted to continue in my position in the army. I returned in mid-December, and it was an important and very right decision for me."
Upon his return to the IDF, love also awaited Tiago: Goni (19), a soldier from Haifa who served with him in the tug mechanic course. "There we connected. Goni knew about everything I was going through, really accompanied me. At that point we were not yet a couple, but Goni was very supportive of me, interested in my situation and listening to me. Shortly after I returned from Brazil we became a couple. We now serve in two separate tugs, but we spend as much time together as possible. This relationship is very helpful to me and fills me with happiness. Goni is a close friend of mine, and I can tell her everything I go through. "
Since immigrating to Israel, Tiago has adopted a warm Israeli family, thanks to which he feels enveloped in endless love. Before Pesach, he traveled with his family to Eilat, and celebrated the eve of Seder at her home in Hod Hasharon.
"Tiago is an integral part of us," says the "adoptive" mother, Lilach Ashkenazi (51), advertising manager at the Raanana municipality. "We have three children, Bar (17.5 years old), Roi (13) and Or (12 years old), and we really wanted to adopt a lone soldier. I knew that in our absorption center in Raanana there are many lone soldiers from the 'Zabar' nucleus, so we asked to adopt one of them. Tiago It suited us, because I speak Portuguese, after as a child I was with my parents on a mission in Brazil. It is Tiago's language, so we could communicate well from the beginning.
"Tiago has been with us for over a year, and we are very good with him. He connected in an amazing way to our children, and also to me and my husband, Tzachi (50), the deputy director of Kfar HaMaccabiah. Bar and Tiago are constantly having mental conversations, And Tiago eats Friday dinner with us and visits here a lot.
"We experienced with him, endless sorrow and pain, the death of his parents. We had a telephone contact with them after we adopted him, and we felt that for them we must give Tiago all the love in the world."
Tiago: "I had a wonderful family. They were with me in all the hardest moments of my life, they gave me everything, a warm home and a feeling that I was not alone. It is an indescribable support. I really feel like this is my home, and I do not know what "I would do without them. We talk about everything. I felt they were really saving me from my deep rift."
Lilac: "Tiago is a very strong guy. He has not sunk, and his positive spirit has lifted him from such a difficult place. Surprising to experience his psychic powers. We are happy for every minute he is with us. One Friday evening we also hosted his friends, nine lone soldiers. "And we feel we have been privileged to give and to love."
* * *
Tiago leaves the base once every two weeks, for a three-day weekend.
He says he "breaks his head every time" how to divide his time between his partner Goni, friends and the adoptive family.
"This Saturday I'm at Goni's in Haifa, and I hope I'll get to see everyone too," he smiles.
"With all the pain I experienced, good things really happened to me in Israel that make me very happy. After the army I would like to stay in Israel, study international relations, work and continue living here. It is true that the distance from my brothers and family in Brazil is difficult for me, but here is my natural place. "I love Israel and believe that I did the right thing when I came here. Now I am trying to raise my little sister as well."
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