Renate Höchtl has found her calling: The 60-year-old helps and supports those who mourn.
"Death has never been a stranger to me," she says in an interview.
Kleinberghofen - Renate Höchtl is a grief counselor.
She has made that matter close to her heart, which causes many uneasiness: dealing with loneliness and death.
The mother of two grew up in Röhrmoos.
Today the 60-year-old lives with her family in Kleinberghofen.
In an interview, she talks about her motives, the challenges of her work and how she manages to lead a happy life despite the constant confrontation with grief and suffering.
What is your professional career like?
I did an apprenticeship as an office clerk.
Later I was self-employed in the areas of marketing, consulting, sales and staff training until I built the new Eckhof II riding facility in Kleinberghofen with my husband.
What happened then?
Twelve years ago I trained to be a hospice assistant.
In Aichach I then volunteered as a dying companion.
I also trained in emergency psychosocial care, after which I worked for a few years at the Malteser Aid Service in Dachau and Fürstenfeldbruck in individual crisis intervention.
Was there a specific reason that made you choose this path?
I came into contact with it as a child when my grandparents died.
Death has never been a stranger to me.
The crucial point in dealing with bereavement and terminal care came when the child of a good friend died.
At that time there was a collection campaign for the hospice.
That impressed me.
After that I thought I would like to help personally.
What does a grief counselor do?
First of all, I meet with those affected, have conversations, go for a walk with them or just listen to them.
When you get to know each other, the next step is to try to activate or rebuild the social networks of the mourners.
What is important in your work?
It's about being there for other people and not leaving them alone in their grief.
That can mean talking to those affected, visiting the grave together or just being there.
To put the feelings into words, to be able to cry, also to be able to laugh when talking is very important.
In this way people are able to act again.
Are there certain unwritten rules or taboos in your work?
The most important thing is discretion.
The fate of those affected is treated with the utmost confidentiality.
As a crisis and dying companion, you have been and are constantly confronted with death, sadness and loneliness.
Isn't that very depressing in the long run?
I am very balanced inside.
I also have a very good partnership.
This allows me to separate the private and the professional quite well.
Which moments are particularly stressful for you?
It's worst when children die.
What is important in dealing with grief and death?
A world is ending for these people.
Many people are afraid to talk to the bereaved about their death and grief.
Many are simply unsure how to react in such situations.
In order not to go wrong, they prefer to avoid them.
And that is exactly where the problem lies.
So that those affected can come to terms with their grief, you have to listen to them and show them that you are there for them, or you just have to hug them.
This signals to your counterpart that you are aware of your grief.
For a year now, people have been supposed to forego encounters and, above all, touch.
How has your work changed due to / since Corona?
Corona has made our work much more difficult.
It is a real danger for the bereavement counselor because the bereavement cannot take place in an appropriate framework.
Community is important for grief.
That is missing now.
This makes the periods of mourning longer.
I know from my own experience that it is a consolation when many people attend a funeral.
This public appreciation is lacking when only a limited number of people are allowed.
That is the last path one takes with the deceased.
This farewell at the grave is a unique event.
One cannot repeat that.
Isn't it sometimes difficult to just switch off after work?
Of course, you take what you have experienced home with you to a certain extent.
In order to process the events, I write, to process what I have experienced and to switch off the cinema in my head.
Have you ever come to the point of quitting because you no longer wanted to bear the burden of this activity?
No.
In fact, I've never questioned my work.
This task gives me so much strength and energy.
My willingness to help has been with me all my life.
I have always stood up for justice since I was a child.
I guess I just have a social streak.
Interview: Verena Möckl