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Written by: 01 Medical Clinic
2021-05-25 08:00
Last update date: 2021-05-25 08:00
"Can you take a photo with you?" "I want to hold your shadow! Can't you?"
The queue of people waiting to take a photo with Steve was long waiting for 30 minutes.
Regardless of men, women and children, everyone is excited while waiting.
Steve has never tried to be surrounded by so many smiling faces.
After a busy day, Steve can finally return to the lounge, sit down and drink a glass of water.
"Wait a minute, don't remember, before drinking, you have to remove this heavy headgear."
The yellow Pikachu headgear weighs at least ten kilograms.
Steve looked at himself in the mirror, in a yellow plump costume, with his head sweating and his hair soaked. He suddenly felt sad and wanted to cry, but at this moment he could only smile bitterly.
Written by: Cui Yonghao, Associate Consultant, School of Mental Health, Castle Peak Hospital
Steve was originally Cabin Crew, that is, the young master in the sky, with good features, five feet ten inches tall, sunny appearance, and strong build.
He is full of enthusiasm, meticulous in doing things, and has always been a down-to-earth person. Whether to friends, colleagues, wives or children, he is the reliable and warm Steve.
Unfortunately, due to the global pandemic of the new crown pneumonia, Steve has been unemployed for nearly half a year and stays at home every day. He gradually feels that not only his savings are being drained, but he is also constantly "devaluing".
Every day, Steve works hard to take care of his children’s life and studies, and is also very active in finding new jobs. Fortunately, his wife has a stable income, and she is grateful that Steve takes care of the family properly, even if the world is not as expected. But she is also grateful that the family can still live a peaceful life.
The epidemic hit the aviation industry severely, and many flight attendants were out of work.
(Photo/Photo by Luo Guohui)
However, Steve didn't feel this comfort.
He didn't complain about others, but his heart became more and more anxious.
"I don't have any income, so I don't even have to worry about it. What is the key point to take care of my wife and children? My family is useless, so I won't be the same as before."
It turns out that Steve has always used the "Haha Mirror" to see himself. When he looks at others, he sees each other's strengths, and when he looks at himself, he always magnifies his own shortcomings.
It is precisely because of this illusion that he always does things with a score of 120 (because 100 is not good enough for him!), and because of this, he is loved by people around him.
Gradually, Steve believed that his value was based on his ability to meet the requirements and expectations of others.
At the same time, Steve gradually develops the habit of "not letting go of himself", not allowing himself to have any flaws, not allowing himself to disappoint others, and always showing others in a perfect image.
The praise of others has strengthened his belief in "to be useful and perfect."
As a result, being unemployed this time made Steve feel that everyone no longer values himself.
Recently, because of the "restricted gathering order," there have been fewer gatherings among friends, so he suspects that his friends have deliberately alienated him because he is unemployed. "It must be because I think I'm "useless"!" Steve thought.
As a good husband, he did not anger others, but felt that he was not good.
Recently, the sister of the worker at home often cooks the vegetable heart that his wife likes because he can’t buy the unseasonable rapeseed he likes in the market. As a result, Steve believes: "I have no position in the sun. The qualifications of the dishes are not buried." Because of the delusion of "I have no value," any trivial matter in life can easily make Steve sit down and further strengthen Steve's obsession.
The restlessness makes Steve suffer every day, and a picture appears in his mind from time to time: The people around him who have always loved him the most despise him and leave him.
He is also convinced that this day will come, so he is afraid, he can't accept such a day.
Gradually, he dared not approach his wife, children, and friends, and deliberately kept a distance from them, only dared to present the "ideal me" he had created, so that he could feel at ease, for fear that his flaws would be discovered by them and be further despised.
In this way, Steve began to live in the "Desert Island Safe Zone" he had established.
Recently, Steve finally found a casual job playing cartoon characters in the mall.
"I used to look at people and cartoon characters in Cheng Ri, and I thought it was so boring, but today, I have to rely on this job to feed me!" Steve's heart was very tired.
On Saturday, the child was on holiday, and the wife suddenly brought the child to visit Steve.
But Steve felt ashamed and wanted to avoid them.
"Dad, you're so smart, you're all heavier than Kachao shirts! You are scared, and the kids are so happy to see you!" "Husband, if you are a girl, you are more proud than Kachao, the most Zhong’s opinion is like you, so I’m going to surprise you today! Zhongyou, I’m so tolerant, why don’t I go out for dinner?”
"He still loves me so much!" The warmth in Steve's heart kept coming up.
Since then, Steve is no longer obsessed with managing his own image and value in the eyes of others. What he sees is the meaning of his own life.
Steve understands that if he doesn’t even accept himself, he has to wear the "perfect shell" he has created to meet people. That is to reject himself, deny himself, and mistakenly base his value on others’ perception of himself. , This is to give control of one's life to others unconditionally.
Sometimes, even though you may not know what kind of life you want to live, at least, you know what life you most want to live.
Explore yourself, know your true self, accept and cherish this self, and present yourself to others calmly, in order to establish a close and lasting relationship with others.
And this relationship gives meaning and value to life.
"Hong Kong 01" "01 Medical Clinic" cooperated with the School of Mental Health of Castle Peak Hospital to publish a column written by medical staff every other Tuesday.
"Cheng" means to let the water stand still, let the water settle, and then become clear.
May you calmly savour every little story, see the little things, understand your own and other people’s hearts, and see things and feelings more clearly.
See clearly, know how to cherish, I hope this column can soothe your emotional waves and enjoy the peace of the years.
I hope you can share this experience with the people you care about, so that you can have one more partner on the road to a better life.
The details of the story have been modified to protect the privacy of the patient.
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Xincheng Castle Peak Hospital 01 Medical Office