The stigma of being a bad mother: five keys to living a full and blameless motherhood

How is the baby?

How do you sleep?

Eat well?

When a woman gives birth, the attention is usually directed to the newborn and the mother takes a back seat to assume the role of provider of all the baby's needs.

However, the physical, mental and emotional health of the mother is fundamental, both for her and for her child.

Making the maternal well-being visible during parenting is key, because “all mothers deserve to be listened to, cared for, supported and cared for.

They need to integrate the experience of childbirth, which is very intense.

Maternity is a matter of Public Health, so let's take care of them, ”says Ibone Olza, a perinatal psychiatrist at the European Institute of Perinatal Mental Health.

More information

• Guilt, traveling companion in motherhood

• Maternity and pandemic: living with the feeling of guilt

Mother and baby are a tandem, especially the first months of life, in which feeding is usually linked to the mother's womb. But, “motherhood is never easy; It is a process of transformation at all levels, for which, on many occasions, the necessary support is not available. So sometimes it hurts. Many mothers swallow that pain alone without daring to ask for the help they need and without accessing the support they deserve. For this reason, we have created the

Mamá Importa

initiative

, which offers emotional support and information to many mothers who find in this space a respectful and non-judgmental listening, as well as mutual help and the advice of perinatal professionals, who participate in this forum, selflessly " Olza comments.

The

Mamá Importa

forum

collects testimonies from moms like Natalia Canto who share their experiences to welcome and comfort others who have just become mothers: “I had the feeling of not recognizing my own daughter.

Yes, I had her in my arms, I saw her leave my body, but I did not understand that she, the one who was there with me, was the girl that I waited so long for for 39 weeks and four days.

Today I want to talk about all this, because it is important that we ask for help, women and mothers.

Let's not miss out on the possibility of loving unconditionally and unconditionally ”.

The stigma of being a bad mother

Taking care of a baby requires a lot of dedication and “it seems that there is no space left to take care of anyone else. But it is just the opposite. Every baby needs its mother to be well. It is a delicate balance. Sometimes, there is shame, because the myths that still surround motherhood make that, when a mother feels sad, nervous, scared; You don't enjoy your baby or you are overwhelmed by the situation, fear that you seem like a bad mother ”, adds Olza. We are women before mothers and “it is difficult to reposition ourselves from that new identity that, at times, seems to cancel out the other facets of life. Often, the parents feel lonely, because raising turns out to be, nowadays, a very lonely activity, since it is difficult to find spaces in which to feel understood and supported among equals and to adapt the couple to the new reality, as a family ”,argues the expert.

Maternal welfare is a social responsibility because “we all take care of the mother and the baby.

If we have to put someone in the spotlight, it is the professional who has the duty to detect that there is some difficulty for the new mother and to be well informed, in the same way that a lawyer should know about changing laws.

Optimal care for families depends on it.

Another way to prevent the discomfort or emotional and mental restlessness of women during the postpartum period is to make reviews of the maternal mental health status ”, explains Esperanza Amado, mother and nurse dedicated to mental health and coordinator of the help forum

Mamá Importa

, of the European Institute of Perinatal Mental Health.

Be a mother, change your look

The arrival of a baby changes the world of the mother. “Life is seen differently and it is natural, so that we get involved with our young. If not, the baby is less likely to survive. The fact that there is a mother with difficulties to exercise her motherhood in a satisfactory and pleasant way has to do, not only with her, but also with her social environment. It derives from the little support for motherhood in the public health system and the difficulties they have in finding someone to accompany them, without judging or directing ”, adds Amado, who comments on several questions to live motherhood with well-being, both mentally and emotionally , and pleasure:

Releasing the guilt

as a mother of not realizing that there is emotional distress and mental instability during the postpartum is key, since “the responsibility of realizing that she needs help does not fall on the mother.

It has to do with the low visibility given to mental health, in this case of the mother.

When a mom says she needs help, we should listen to her.

Something has gone wrong in the health system for not having detected it before ”.

Find groups of mothers

with whom to share experiences, concerns, satisfactions or doubts from respect and without judgment, "since it helps to minimize or relativize what happens to you as a mother and the level of emotional charge decreases."

Demystify motherhood

and understand that “there can be bumps and discomfort and that, as mothers, we do everything we can, depending on the circumstances, because your baby only needs a good and happy enough mother”.

Seek professional help, if needed

.

"If you feel that you are not enjoying your motherhood, you cry all day or you do not enjoy raising your baby, something is wrong and it may be time to seek professional help through your primary care doctor."

Dedicate time to yourself

.

The mother who has just given birth should make time for her personal enjoyment.

“You know when you can leave your baby with someone else, when is the ideal time to take a bath or go for a walk.

Although, during the first months of the baby's life, it is more difficult to find free time for the mother, it is advisable to take advantage of time to do so ”.

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