By Elizabeth Chuck - NBC News
Aurélie Azoug took a seat in her office and breathed in, breathed in silence.
The day had come that he had fantasized about for months.
A day that he thought would be of relief and excitement to be able to work without interruptions.
Azoug and her husband had been working remotely since the start of the coronavirus pandemic with very limited help caring for and caring for their children.
Their 3-year-old had returned to daycare, but their 6-month-old daughter, Joséphine, had stayed home with them as they juggled work and their youngest from their home in Stillwater, Oklahoma.
Paying attention to work with Joséphine's screams or cries was not the most conducive to being productive.
Last month, after finding a babysitter who was vaccinated and who could keep an eye on Joséphine, Azoug returned to his office.
But instead of feeling peaceful, he sensed too much silence.
His arms, normally occupied by Joséphine, felt strangely empty.
With tears in his eyes,
Azoug realized that he was experiencing something that he had not anticipated after being away from his children for a while: separation anxiety.
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"I was not expecting it. I was looking forward to this day for a long time. I was very tired of being claimed in both directions every day," she explained.
As offices reopen, camps welcome children and vaccinations allow more time away from home, families re-acclimate to being separated.
For some households, it comes after they spent nearly every waking hour together during the pandemic, when children connected to their classes online while their parents worked alongside them from home.
And while many exhausted parents have enthusiastically embraced this break with their children, many have also suffered, even when their children have accepted it warmly.
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Lawrence Campbell, of Charlotte, North Carolina, had his 5-year-old daughter, Hannah, enrolled in an online kindergarten for the entire school year, and recently dropped her on her first day of camp.
He and his wife watched Hannah enter the compound as her backpack bounced off her back.
The first day with her away from home was "very, very strange," the parents recalled.
"Every 30 minutes or so, I would wonder how I was doing,"
said Campbell, a manager of a programming company.
In most cases, parents' anxiety will be temporary as they get used to being separated from their children again, according to psychologists.
And it is important that parents do not transfer their own concerns to their little ones.
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"The kids will be watching you for clues on how to cope and navigate through them," explained Erlanger
Earl
Turner, a child psychologist and assistant professor of psychology at Pepperdine University.
"If you have some anxiety or verbalize your concerns about that separation, they will pick up on it and potentially be more nervous, or nervous if they weren't before," he added.
Don't say, "I'm going to miss you"
Parents and kids alike can have a hard time saying goodbye at first, according to Mary Alvord, a psychologist and co-author of
Conquering Negative Thinking for Teens:
Exercises to Break the Nine Thinking Habits That Are Holding You Back
.
The therapist noted that most will not have true separation anxiety disorder, which is characterized by excessive distress about leaving loved ones.
Still, the most common separation anxiety may be more intense than it was before the coronavirus changed our lives, according to Alvord.
"What has been so fascinating about the pandemic, the restrictions, the losses and all the pain mixed into one is that it has triggered so many different emotional states in people that they have been taken by surprise at times," he explained.
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Alvord suggested
gradually parting ways
, if possible.
That could mean dropping a kid off at a relative's house for a couple of hours or a swimming class before sending him off for a full day of camping, and then congratulating him on how brave he was.
Charlie Dale, left, works on his math notebook with the help of his older sister, Maddi Dale, while his mother cooks pancakes at their home in Lake Oswego, Oregon, on Oct.30, 2020.AP Photo / Sara Cline
For kids who are uncomfortable being away from their parents, "don't make a big deal out of it," Turner said.
"Don't say, 'I'm going to miss you!' That's going to make things worse
,
" he
said.
And for parents and kids alike, Turner suggested keeping a journal, whether it's about your fears and feelings or what you're thankful for.
"There will be some little ones who will be very excited to go to camp or go back to school, but there will also be those who are anxious and worried," he recalled.
"Enjoy the new freedom"
To help deal with her separation anxiety when she returned to her office, Azoug, the Oklahoma mother, entertained herself by having lunch with colleagues she hadn't seen in person since before the pandemic.
"What helped me is enjoying the new freedom," she
said, adding that the separation anxiety did not last long but was "very strong."
Chaneisly González, a mother of a 4-year-old daughter and an 8-year-old son, who lives in the Bronx, New York, has always struggled to be separated from her children, who were at home receiving distance classes since March 2020.
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The few nights she has spent with friends recently have been even more difficult for her mentally, but explaining to her children what to do while she is away has helped her.
“I tell them, 'Look, I took your pajamas off.
Make sure you brush your teeth. '
I give them a little summary of what they should do and that makes me feel a little more relaxed, "she said.
Other parents have found that it is important to follow their children's example.
Michelle Mauk, director of art outsourcing in Los Angeles, California, for Riot Games, a video game company, was anxious when she sent her 8-year-old son Milo on his first day of camp this month.
She spent the day glued to her phone, worried that they would call her to tell her that something bad had happened.
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The day went well, but the outdoor music camp was not to Milo's liking.
It was too hot and too noisy.
Instead of forcing him to leave again, Mauk pulled him out.
7-year-old Paul Adamus waits at the bus stop on the first day of school in Dallas, Georgia on August 3, 2020.AP Photo / Brynn Anderson
Later on, Milo will go to science camp and art camp, and while Mauk is a little nervous, Milo is excited.
"I feel very lucky, because he is not a dependent person.
Having a child who does not mind trying things makes the separation a little easier," she
added.
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Experts recommend that parents remind themselves of the positive aspects of being separated from their children.
Regaining independence is a normal and necessary part that was interrupted last year, they recalled.
"Even if a parent is concerned, they should say, 'What are some of the skills that I have taught my child this year? What are the good things that came out of it, and what will be the good things that come with this? next phase? "Alvord advised.
"Focus on the good in this," he added.