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Between love and dating: what lies "behind the scenes" of dating apps - Walla! news

2021-07-17T10:05:33.716Z


In the second chapter of the series, we will review the psychological manipulations that motivate app users, just like in casinos and gambling houses. The feeling that is created, not for nothing, that "someone better is waiting for us around the corner" - only makes us browse and move to the next profile without giving a real chance to those in front of us


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Between love and dating: what lies "behind the scenes" of dating apps

In the second chapter of the series, we will review the psychological manipulations that motivate app users, just like in casinos and gambling houses.

The feeling that is created, not for nothing, that "someone better is waiting for us around the corner" - only makes us browse and move to the next profile without giving a real chance to those in front of us

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  • Love

  • Dating

Sapir Levy

Saturday, July 17, 2021, 1:00 p.m.

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The various dating platforms have in recent years become a common and accepted way of romantic acquaintance.

Alongside this, many single men and women are still afraid to use this technology to search for their other half.

As part of the series of articles, we conducted a comprehensive review with a behavioral researcher, talked to single men and women through the app and even inquired with a married couple who knew the app, in order to understand - is this a real way to meet,



In the last year, under the Corona epidemic, the popularity of dating apps has increased, and it has responded to the emotional and physical need when people were buried in their homes because social life in the outside world was down.

Dr. Liraz Margalit, a behavioral researcher in the digital age, told us about the dark world behind the scenes as well as the economic model of apps: "In practice, app owners have no interest in people really knowing - because then they will abandon the app.

In the same breath, they can not that users will not recognize at all, for the same reason.

Therefore, they create the exact dose of the number of dating that still remains economical for them. "

More on Walla!

Between love and dating: a face-to-face acquaintance in the age of apps

To the full article

Apps have a lot of information about the users, their usage habits, how much time the user spends in the app and what his taste is. That is, if they really wanted to match and get to know that person as their partner - it could have been done easily. In practice, the apps sell the information collected about us, the users, and sell it to other consumer companies.



Dr. Margalit testified that “the apps incorporate elements of‘ wear and tear ’. That is, they work on the pleasure mechanism of human beings in the brain. The pleasure mechanism is familiar to us from drug use, alcohol and gambling. Studies have shown that the highest levels of our excitement are actually in anticipation rather than realization. Hoping we get the desired thing, more than getting what we really wanted.



As has been shown in the studies we have done on vacations - the highest levels of excitement were during the planning of the vacation and not during the vacation itself.

The same thing happens with dating apps, and they use it against us.

People are really addicted to 'hunting', moving profiles one by one.

It's a feeling similar to the one in the casino and the excitement is so high that in the end the users fail to find a relationship, just because they are so addicted to hunting. "

"People are really addicted to 'hunting.'"

Dr. Margalit (Photo: Courtesy of the photographers, Danny Arnon)

"There are apps for thrills, and there are apps for love"

Bar Bachar, a 29-year-old single man from Tel Aviv, looking for love in dating apps, told Walla! Because "there are several different apps, each app has different vibes. There are apps that are better suited for thrill seekers and there are certain apps that are better suited for looking for love. The process there is systematic, tiring and repetitive. After a while, it loses the sense of fun and excitement. I do not really believe that your love will come from there, but you do not mind trying your luck. "



Bachar said that his friends are not even "ashamed to appear in several apps at the same time, it's just another channel for casual dating." He further noted that he entered apps in "dead time" in favor of eliminating waste of time. "Another tip, to save time - you 'lower the bar' and then when there is a 'mat' '* - only then do you filter," he said.



Roi Wallenstein, 23, from Hod Hasharon, began looking for love in dating apps following the Corona epidemic.

"It was a period of closures and I am a person who really likes to meet and discover new people. Somewhere they blocked this option at that time, so it was the only place to meet. I got to go on two dates from there. There was a completely normal conduct, we switched from app to phone. "Stigma about girls who are there. How is it different from Facebook or Instagram? I do not currently use apps, and certainly not lately. What next in the future? I do not see this as something wrong," he concluded.

"You do not really believe that your love will come from there."

Bachar (Photo: courtesy of those photographed)

"It's tiring and consumes a lot of energy, and feels like an endless pursuit"

Jessica Cohen, a 30-year-old single woman from Tel Aviv, returned to Israel this year after growing up in Canada and testified that "the pace in the country is faster. A few hours after the match we already meet in the capital. Slower and fearful. In the country the feeling is of 'come on let's see if it flows or not'.



"I also have bad feelings about being in apps," Jessica said, adding that "it's very tiring and takes a lot of energy. Constantly starting conversations again, constantly continuing the conversation. The truth - I got tired, I decided it was not good for me and I wanted to. Delete the app. It's hard for me to delete, I used to be really addicted: when I went out with friends, it happened that even when I was at the bar I barely looked at the people around, and I would log into the app while I was there. We are building it in a very smart way. "



Jordan Calvers, 30, from Holon, is looking for love in a dating app, she told Walla!

Because "all my relationships started within a framework: in the military and at work. I might not have developed an in-app interaction with my exes. It's a very judgmental, very superficial place, and I think good people miss that way. Before I go on a date with a guy I knew through the app, His Instagram and Facebook.I am impressed, make a phone or video call with him and also do not let them pick me up.I set a date at a normal time in a public place, and arrive on my own.



I was in a two-month relationship with someone I knew on the app, I have a girlfriend who is in a relationship from the app - so yes I heard success stories about it.

Although it can happen, it is still hard work and sometimes it is exhausting.

This is a generation that is driven by a lot of ego and fear, and the main fear is to miss.

We have a feeling that something better may be around the corner.

You keep seeing supply, and apps have created it.

At the end of the chase is endless.

"I used to be really addicted."

Cohen (Photo: Courtesy of those photographed)

There are also success stories: Efrat and Erez got married last year

One of the success stories of the dating app is Efrat and Erez Chen, a young couple who got married about a year ago, after meeting through a dating app. Erez said that "I admit that the stay there was very frustrating. I had a lot of conversations and dates, and just before I met Efrat I already thought it was a good way to 'pass the time', but I concluded that I would probably no longer get married through acquaintance there."



Efrat his wife said that "I unequivocally did not think that this was how I would get to know my husband. I felt it was a bit of a leak for me to be there. I realized that this was the last option for me to get to know. So it takes me a moment to remember, because our acquaintance feels very natural to me.I think today singles should be there, there is no other choice with all the technological changes and the change in social norms, today it is less common to start with people on the street.Even if you meet there or otherwise,It can only advance you to your relationship. "



Erez added that "I want to advise everyone who is currently in the app - everyone knows it's cold and alienated. It's also very easy to treat people there in a way we would not dare in reality, like filter and disappear. The best tip is just to be human: even if you are not interested - "Be nice. If you are human, good things will always come to you."

There are also success stories.

Efrat and Erez Chen who got married last year (Photo: Walla !, courtesy of the photographer)

There is a gap between fantasy - and those who really fall in love with it in the end

About two months ago, Dr. Margalit conducted a study on the field of relationships. The study showed that dating on Facebook and Instagram has become more popular compared to dedicated dating apps. Meat. "Margalit said that" in the apps there is a feeling that women want a serious relationship, while men want a 'casual' relationship. As a result, the apps are losing their prestige. "Another thing, Facebook and Instagram do not have the pressure of managing 'impression' just for a date, you can get to know the person in his natural environment, learn about daily life and how he addresses his friends."



"One of the common problems" Margalit explained, adding "the disappointment in the app. There are apps that prepare questionnaires and give us the illusion of information about the other party's profile, but there is a very significant gap between our romantic fantasy, the one we have a 'grocery list' for and the one who really does "We will fall in love with him. A woman can say 'I want a tall man, with a master's degree' and in the end who we fall in love with is an answer to our unconscious needs. Many times it is related to childhood and deprivation. Falling in love is built on the unconscious."



The apps also allow people to 'get': chat and go out with several people at the same time.

As long as the couple has not concluded that the relationship is exclusive, then it is legitimate today to go out with several people at the same time.

Ironically, one of the significant signs of a binding relationship is when deleting the apps.

My personal opinion about apps, is that they produce the illusion of abundance.

Attitude to people's profiles, as to products, makes one feel that every person has a substitute, and that many other people are waiting for us.

I'm very sad that this is the way it is today.

I get a lot of calls for dating advice and the truth that today there is no choice for singles, but to be there.

There is always a small percentage that you know through the apps, "she concluded.

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Source: walla

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