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Miriam Einangshaug, Utøya survivor
»Some of us have spoken of the Utøya feeling when you go on board the MS Thorbjørn and know: Now it's time to go to summer camp. I remember how independent and happy I was here. "
Miriam Einangshaug, Utøya survivor
"When Utøya was first shot, I lost my childhood."
Miriam Einangshaug was 16 years old when she was the victim of a terrorist attack on the Norwegian island of Utøya.
Miriam Einangshaug, Utøya survivor
»Suddenly we heard three or four shots and I thought it was just a joke, it couldn't be… But suddenly a man came and yelled that a policeman was shooting and that we had to hide . "
On July 22, 2011, almost 600 children and young people were on Utøya, a small island around 40 kilometers west of Oslo.
You visit the summer camp of the AUF, the social democratic youth.
The man posing as a police officer is Anders Behring Breivik, right-wing extremist and Norwegian.
He attacks the Social Democrats because of their migration-friendly policies.
Breivik executed 69 people, the youngest victims are just 14 years old.
A few hours earlier, Breivik detonates a bomb in Oslo's government district.
He had deposited the self-made explosive device made of artificial fertilizer in a delivery truck.
Eight people die.
The office of the then Social Democratic Prime Minister Jens Stoltenberg is also in the immediate vicinity.
He is not on site, but at home - and is writing a speech that he plans to give on Utøya the next day.
Jens Stoltenberg, then Prime Minister of Norway
»It was a terrible day. It was a day that shook us all. Many people I knew have been killed. This is the worst day of my life. "
The whole country is in shock.
Just one day after the attacks, Stoltenberg meets relatives and survivors.
As head of government, he himself has little time to mourn.
He was once the head of the young social democrats and is closely associated with Utøya.
Jens Stoltenberg, NATO Secretary General since 2014
»It was the paradise of my youth. I've been there every summer since I was 15 years old. To fly over this island, to see how much pain, grief, murder, violence had happened in just an hour there the day before, that was very hard to accept. The paradise of my youth and at the same time a hell. "
For Miriam, Utøya is still a place full of happy memories.
2011 was her second summer on the island.
Here she plays soccer, makes friends, falls in love, debates.
Since 2015 the Social Democrats and other political organizations have been organizing youth camps on Utøya again.
An oppressive feeling for Miriam.
Miriam Einangshaug, Utøya Survivor
“ Seeing children here in a political youth camp is… It's so visual to see how young they really are and how young we were when we escaped the bullets. That really takes my breath away. Sorry, I need a moment. "
It is difficult to understand what the children and young people experienced on Utøya.
Breivik doesn't just shoot wildly.
He goes specifically to injured people who are lying on the ground and executes them.
The island is only 330 meters wide and 520 meters long, there is not much space to hide.
Many hold out in the forest or between rocks.
Some try to save themselves in the water and swim to the mainland 600 meters away.
Miriam escapes into one of the few buildings.
She barricades herself with a total of 47 children.
Breivik shoots in twice, Miriam just misses a bullet.
Miriam Einangshaug, Utøya Survivor
»I wrote to my parents that I loved them and then I turned off my phone. I was afraid that would be the last they'd ever hear from me. When you're 16, you don't think about death like that because it's so far away. Children that age shouldn't think about death as something that could happen in the near future. "
The children and young people wait two hours for help.
Miriam Einangshaug, Utøya survivor
»Nobody came. It took a long time and no one came to save us. "
Geir Oustorp was working on Utøya at the time.
The policeman was on patrol in the city of Drammen, some 40 kilometers away, when they were called to the island.
The 49-year-old remembers the attacks in an exhibition in Oslo.
Geir Oustorp, Policeman
“A lot went wrong. It was 2011. We didn't have a sat nav in our cars. We didn't know where Utøya was. We only heard the police headquarters over the radio, not our colleagues on site. "
Many rescue workers are overwhelmed with the situation.
There is a lack of helicopters and boats.
Ultimately, the police come to the island with the help of residents and holidaymakers, like Oustorp.
The officers also do not know what the perpetrator looks like, the operations management gives important information such as Breivik's disguise too late.
All of this takes a lot of time, so the right-wing extremist can kill undisturbed for around an hour.
Shortly after the special forces arrive on the island, they arrest Breivik.
He is later sentenced to 21 years in prison.
Geir Oustorp, Policeman
»We did our best. I think everyone did. But I can understand that you count the minutes, how quickly the police were there. Especially when it depends on whether my daughter or son might have survived. Of course I can understand the criticism of the police work. "
Today the police are better prepared for such situations, says Oustorp.
Years, the father of two, also receives psychological help after the assignment.
Geir Oustorp, policeman:
»I am grateful for my family and that we are together. Because when I was on the island, cell phones kept ringing. And as we walked around, we could see who was calling on the displays. Mummy. Father. That does something to you. Then when you come home to your children, you are only grateful. Because you know that many have not seen their sons and daughters again. Because they were shot on the island. "
Lisbeth Røyneland loses her daughter Synne in the Utøya attack.
She was then 18 years old.
Lisbeth Royneland, mother of a death victim on Utøya
»Synne was a really inspiring girl with red hair and lots of freckles. She had a mind of her own. And she had a really strange sense of humor that always made people laugh. "
Even today there are photos of Synne everywhere in the apartment.
The grief for the younger daughter has long dominated the family's everyday life.
There wasn't much room for Synne's older sister.
Lisbeth Royneland, mother of a death victim on Utøya:
“It was really hard to keep the family together. I know I wasn't the perfect mother at the time. My memories and thoughts kept revolving around themselves. "
Today she is a proud grandmother and has learned to deal with loss differently.
Lisbeth Royneland, mother of a death victim on Utøya
»At first I really hated Breivik. I really wanted to shoot him, I dreamed about it. But at some point I thought that I would destroy myself and my family with this hatred. "
Rønyeland does not go to work for six months after the attacks, then she slowly returns to work.
She seeks psychological help, joins a self-help group for victims and their relatives.
She now leads the group.
And she turned Synne's nursery into a guest room.
Lisbeth Royneland, mother of a death victim on Utøya
»After a few years there was a turning point when I really understood that Synne was no longer there. I felt really dark grief for at least five years, after that it changed more to miss her. "
A memorial on Utøya commemorates the 69 deaths, Synne's name is also here - and the names of Miriam's friends.
Miriam Einangshaug, Utøya Survivor
»I felt guilty for years for surviving. I didn't understand why I was allowed to live while my friends died. Whenever I failed, for example at school, I thought: The world would be better if I had died. "
Especially in the first few months, Miriam struggles with flashbacks and anxiety. She's doing therapy.
Miriam Einangshaug, Utøya survivor
»I had limited strength and I had to use it to go to school and work. So I had to turn my back on politics to finish school. "
Many survivors have to rearrange their lives.
Norwegian society tries to respond to hatred with love and cohesion in order to come to terms with the attacks.
Astrid Hoem is not enough.
She too was on Utøya and survived.
Today the 26-year-old is chairman of the young social democrats.
Astrid Hoem, AUF chairwoman
»I'm afraid that we haven't done enough to understand this and to prevent people from radicalizing. If someone tries to kill you for what you believe in, it changes you as a person. I'm not just afraid to give a speech or appear in a debate. I can also be afraid of being shot. "
Hoem experiences extreme hostility to this day, as do many other Utøya survivors.
Astrid Hoem, AUF chairwoman
»You get news that I should have been killed on Utøya.
That it is a shame that Breivik did not do a better job.
This shows that we still have a lot of work to do to combat these forces. "
Miriam is now also politically active again. In the parliamentary elections in September, she is running for the Greens in Oslo. The 26-year-old now lives in a five-person shared apartment in the center of the Norwegian capital. She still has difficulty concentrating today. But she is much better.
Miriam Einangshaug, Utøya survivor
»Every morning when I wake up I say to myself: this is a wonderful day to be alive. I try to cherish all the time I have in this life. I haven't done that before. "
Miriam Einangshaug, Utøya survivor:
»I am so happy that I have finally reached this point. I'll go back to university in the fall, I'll work full-time, I'll get on with life. "