Jacob Bernstein
07/23/2021 15:08
Clarín.com
The New York Times International Weekly
Updated 07/23/2021 3:08 PM
Perhaps the most remarkable thing about the whole thing is that it was not so remarkable at all: another Tuesday.
Another billionaire businessman who pays to catapult into space.
However, the vision of
Jeff Bezos
, in his beige cowboy hat and blue spacesuit (with a custom Omega Speedmaster on his sleeve as if he were
Buzz Aldrin
), high-fiving the astronauts and speaking deeply of the experience afterward, it resonated in a way that Sir
Richard Branson's
wild journey failed
.
Tony Gutierrez / Associated Press
It
took
Amazon
just 27 years to grow into a
$ 1.8 trillion
company
.
Depending on the swings in the stock market, Bezos is either the richest man or the
second richest man in
the world.
However, it has become so without reaching a mystical chord.
He hasn't been, like Tesla CEO
Elon Musk
, host of "Saturday Night Live" and he's managed to do a surprisingly good job at it.
He hasn't shown Americans the power of a shirt, like
Apple
co-founder
Steve Jobs
.
He did not pass, like
Jack Dorsey of Twitter
, a pandemic quarantine with
Jay-Z.
All those guys inspire enmity, especially
Musk
and (still posthumously) Jobs.
But their product lines reveal the
emotional connection
people have with them.
They invented the FOMO (
fear of missing out
or Fear of missing something).
Bezos just capitalized on it and
embodies it.
We watched him go to the gym, increase his biceps and buy motorcycle jackets.
The problem was never the fit.
It was that they seemed to accomplish the opposite of their purpose, which is to send a message of elegance of indifference.
We read about the end of his marriage to
MacKenzie Scott
, a novelist turned mega-philanthropist, and the beginning of his affair with
Lauren Sanchez
, a former correspondent for the tabloid entertainment show "Extra!"
It seemed like a cliché.
Our jaws dropped at the intimate text messages he sent her.
They were so silly, as if she had consulted
Siri
for
sexting
advice
.
We looked at photos of his $
96 million
real estate investment
in Manhattan's Flatiron District.
It looked soulless, like something Marriott would design if it built its version of an
André Balazs hotel.
However, being worth around
$ 200 billion
and having few people who can tell you the truth about, for example, what you look like in a cowboy hat mounted on your phallic rocket.
He has become the Dorian Gray of nonsense.
A
locus classicus
and a distorting
funhouse
mirror through which a considerable contingent of generally white men, approaching middle age and not having the
Ryan Gosling look,
should see ourselves, if we we get back honest enough to admit the mistake of wasting our way in unfortunate stylistic choices.
There is an onomatopoeic quality to Bezos's name.
A dentist with a
Lamborghini
is a Bezos.
So is anyone who is in the real estate business and who, after having started his first extramarital affair, begins to shave areas that should not be.
I became a Bezos the day I decided to try sporting a fanny pack and shorts from Dior.
Pretending to be an oenophile turns many into Bezos.
It also makes you decide that running a financial services company is not enough achievement;
that what one really needs is a side job on weekends as a
tropical house
DJ
and EDM.
If you've returned from your first trip to the
Burning Man
Festival at the
age of 50, you're dangerously treading on Bezos territory.
If you've tried to hire a singer like
Jennifer Lopez, Stevie Wonder, John Legend, Patti LaBelle, or Christina Aguilera
at your child's wedding, birthday party, or religious gathering, you're a Bezos.
The Bezos are more likely to be rich than poor, but using
Affirm
(a financial app to pay for things in installments) at checkout has helped many less fortunate guys reach Bezos paradise.
It is difficult, but not impossible, for a movie star to be a Bezos.
Mark Wahlberg
, sporting a
diamond-encrusted
Patek Phillipe
sports watch
that would be a joke in a Paul Thomas Anderson movie starring
Mark Wahlberg,
is certainly a Bezos.
So is
Ben Affleck
every time he takes off his shirt and we can see the huge phoenix that has been permanently tattooed on his back.
The Bezos want to believe that the time spent on stationary bikes over the past year is enough to justify ordering a Speedo from Amazon.
Or that with a few good years on our knees, we could still skateboard or fly a rocket ship and become
Butch Cassidy
from the skies, with a matching hat (and boots).
Here's the problem: Butch Cassidy became Butch Cassidy stealing.
A Bezos compensates you with a credit card.
Shortly after descending to Earth, Bezos went to give a press conference, where he said, "I want to thank every Amazon employee and every Amazon customer that you guys have paid for all of this. Seriously."
It was a curious admission coming from a guy whose subordinates protest his working conditions and meager salaries as delivery men.
But what did everyone expect from a space cowboy dressed in blue satin?
He is the biggest Bezos in the world.
c.2021 The New York Times Company
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