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Between love and dating: The singles who went back to looking for the "one" off the net

In the last chapter in the series of articles on the search for love in the current era, we will talk about those who prefer to find it in the "traditional" ways, away from the scourge of digital platforms.

"A large part of the young singles who avoid online dating are actually the ones who gave it a chance and burned it"

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• Love

• Dating

Sapir Levy

Saturday, 24 July 2021, 13:20 Updated: 13:27

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In the last article, and with a perfect timing for Tu B'Av, we will talk about the desire to find love in the "Old Fashion" way - far from digital - just like in romantic movies when the stars get along and fate helps. "The social distance and the technological age, can still exist?

" . She explains that "Today digital is the way most couples know, but in the same breath, many people on the same platforms report despair. Never in history has there been a time when it was harder to find a romantic relationship than it is today. It is ironic that today there are more technological ways to know than ever .

She testifies that people say that "romance does not exist in digital, because there is no courtship."

"Women have told me that the whole concept of courtship is very short to the point that it does not exist there. In digital courtship is shortened to the emoji of a flower. Women have told me that they very much miss courtship. "For courtship to disappear from the world and we want the game of courtship. Do not give up the 'Hard to Get' card."

More on Walla!

Between love and dating: what lies "behind the scenes" of dating apps

To the full article

"I exhausted the 'work' sense of online dating."

Liat Mualem (Photo: Courtesy of those photographed)

She adds, "As a researcher I justify women, the act of courtship greatly strengthens the relationship if done properly. Courtship produces the wait for a date, the anticipation, the excitement. We see that digital dating has completely ousted dating from the initial relationship."

Another cause of frustration among users of dating apps is the gap between the images people present and how they look in reality.

"It produces a very big disappointment for the other side. The main impression that we judge digitally is the look. So, even though the supply is growing the despair is growing as well."

The main impression by which we judge digitally is the mirror.

Tinder app on mobile phone (Photo: Reuters)

Liat Mualem, 29, a special education teacher and member of the Or Yehuda City Council, who is currently studying confectionery, is the one who refuses to cooperate with the dating apps and continues to believe that her love story will come the traditional way. "I exhausted the sense of 'work' that there is in online dating, you have to make time for it. It has become really like work and I do not want it to be like that," she shares.

"I want it to be fun, through friends or through a chance meeting, something more pleasant and fun. The feeling in the app is that it is a job interview, that if we passed the first stage then go to the 'Instagram test', and there it is a kind of ridiculous test. What can you learn from Instagram? Of a human being? "

While her friends realized that the digital world is the main tool for dating, especially in the era of the Corona, Liat chose to believe that she will find love not through an app.

"Not that I underestimate it, just personally it was too hard and exhausting for me. Obviously quantitatively I know fewer people, but I accidentally started getting to know people through friends. I much more trust my friends who want to know me, they really know me," he said. She says.

"A lot of people on the same platforms report despair."

Dr. Liraz Margalit (Photo: Official Website, Reuven Kapuchinsky)

According to her, when the acquaintance is made not through the Internet platforms, it is also possible to be exposed to the character of the other person, and not to rely solely on an image.

In the app, she says, "the data can be forged. People who want to impress and try to please present some positive and charming image, and in the end it feels like a resume that accompanies the image."

"It's not that I do not know people who knew and married through the app," she cautions a bit, "but I believe it is possible to know in reality, not by pictures. Just know the person as he is. In the end I believe we will all know the person who completes us and should not despair. Be open and positive. "

In digital it is impossible to understand whether there is chemistry.

Man and woman look at each other (Photo: ShutterStock)

Dr. Margalit points to another difficulty that exists in the digital dating world. “In digital it is impossible to understand whether there is chemistry. I never heard a couple who knew digital say 'I just felt like it' at the digital dating stage. You only hear it when people meet face to face. "

To explain this phenomenon, she talks about the" love hormone, "which is secreted at the beginning of a relationship between two people, if there is chemistry between them. In front of face. Measure the hormone in a phone call, video call and chat. The researchers realized that no matter how much emoji people add, they will never reach the same levels of the love hormone as in a face-to-face encounter. Not in a video call either. Because even if we see the person smiling in a video call there is no real option to 'look each other in the eyes at the same time' because either you are looking at the screen or you are looking at the camera.

"As a researcher, I believe that the 'Old Fashion' love stories are the most effective in the end," she concludes.

"The reason is that we are equipped with detection and radar mechanisms that are simply not built for the digital environment. Intuition does not work digitally."

Recognize in an interview with the Student Union

The story of the couple Matan and Inbal, who knew each other face to face, illustrates Margalit's words.

"Even then I knew it was this," says Matan Benvenisti about the day he first met his wife Inbal.

The couple got married about a month ago after four years of marriage.

They recognized in an interview that Inbal conducted for Matan, who wanted to join the student association when they both studied at the IDC Herzliya.

"I came to the student association because I really wanted to volunteer there. I was connected to Inbal, who was the head of a section, and we arranged a frontal interview. We sat down at a table with two chairs next to the student association," Matan recalled.

The two did not know then that they would become a couple, and would return five years later to sit in exactly the same place for the occasion of their wedding photos.

"In the end people find each other."

Matan and Inbal (Photo: Official website, Adi Cohen Tzedek)

Matan goes on to say, "When I got to the interview, Inbal asked me all kinds of questions but also told me that the devices were just finished. Anyway she gave me a chance and said, 'You look like a good guy, I'll fight to get you in.' Even then I knew it was her. She really is. "She managed to get me into the student union, and we became very close. After a year of courting her, she finally agreed and we went on a date."

"I'm very happy that this is our acquaintance story, I have not seen myself selling in any other way," admits Inbal.

"We were both a bit 'old fashioned' in our character, so I was very happy that it worked out that way. Our romantic relationship started after a year of dating and friendship. Eventually Matan became my best friend and only after that my partner."

She adds, "We have friends who have known each other on platforms. What matters is that in the end people find each other."

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