Laura lewin
08/07/2021 6:00 AM
Clarín.com
Families
Updated 08/07/2021 6:00 AM
Many times, in our
parenting
work,
we fall into the temptation to give our
children
everything we can, but, when everything is material, we may be distancing them from the capacity for wonder and desire.
Consumerism kills wonder.
And not only that, he could become a person who gets used to receiving ... but not giving.
If we buy
children
something they don't need, for example, just because friends already have it, what we do is deepen the notion that having is more important than being.
We need to stop the madness of
having just because
when kids don't need that item.
The question would be: are we buying it from them or from us, to mark a status, for example?
Let's work, better, in which they understand that, when they need it (and if we can), they will have it.
Or that maybe they will have to do something to have it.
This implies some
extra
responsibility
that brings them closer to valuing what they want.
On the other hand, giving them things simply because if they don't throw a tantrum will only reinforce the idea that just screaming loudly makes you get what you want.
The
frustration
of not always having everything also entails learning.
Boys must learn to handle frustration.
Otherwise, they will be adults who will not value effort and perseverance to achieve what they want.
When adults give children things they don't ask for or need, they not only keep them from wondering, but also from
wanting
.
When adults give children things they don't ask for or need, they keep them from wondering and wanting.
Photo illustration Shutterstock.
The problem is that, when material things no longer satisfy them, they can go out and look for other things that do, such as
transgressing at home or at school
.
Without going any further,
amazement is very important to be able to learn
.
Without the ability to be amazed, how does a teacher in school capture the attention of his students?
If a child is not amazed by everyday things, he may need other sensations that do generate amazement but that can be harmful.
The danger of immediacy
Today the boys have everything
just a click away
.
They want to know if it is going to rain, the cell phone tells them.
They want to know what song is playing on the radio, the cell phone application tells them.
They want to know how to say a word in another language, or how to write a certain word, the cell phone tells them.
They want to know how to get somewhere, the cell phone tells them.
That is great, but at the same time, dangerous.
Our children don't know how to wait.
They want everything now
.
They must be taught to wait.
Many times, when we see our children bored, as a saving strategy, we turn to technology.
Today the boys have everything just a click away.
Photo illustration Shutterstock.
- Child: I'm bored!
- Adult: Go play.
- Child: I have no one to play with.
- Adult: Well, use the tablet.
- Child: It has no battery.
- Adult: Well, use your cell phone or play with the game console.
Technological overstimulation -which has no turning back- brings with it issues such as
non-tolerance for boredom
, little attention, little curiosity, lack of concentration, etc.
When we solve boredom for children, we do not give them the opportunity to awaken their creative potential.
If they feel bored, the time has come to invite them to create, to invent, to dream, to think.
Many times, when one child invites another to play, they pass it on with cell phones or game consoles and do not even look at each other's faces.
Photo illustration Shutterstock.
Technology and relationships
Let's not forget that
in recent times our children have connected more with screens than with people
.
This brings with it other non-minor issues such as the ability to relate.
It is not necessary to go further than the living room of any house to see that, many times, when a child invites another to play, they pass it on with cell phones or game consoles and do not even look at each other's faces.
Discouraging technology dependency is up to us adults.
It is done with a real intention of bringing our children closer to a world that nourishes them not only from the cognitive, but from the emotional, physical and spiritual as well.
More conversations, more hugs, more nature walks, more holding hands, more dreams, more fun, more crafts, more projects, more sunsets, more eye contact, more books, more stories, more crazy ideas, more moments of laughter, more time together.
But, of course, for this we
need time
and the desire to bring our children closer to other issues that are not material.
Discouraging technology dependence is up to adults.
Photo illustration Shutterstock.
Why they
need to be
bored
When kids have everything and don't even know what to ask for, they get bored
.
Nothing reaches them because they have lost the ability to wonder, to create, to do for themselves.
Boys need a stimulating environment that allows them to display their creativity;
we must give them time to get bored, and see what comes out of that boredom.
The seeds of creativity are right there.
Teaching our children to self-manage their emotions is a task that requires time, patience and love.
With the endless commitments and tasks that we carry out in these times, being present in our children's lives seems, at times, like science fiction.
Many times we will have to fight our own battles as adults in order to be calm, focused and connected when having to correct behaviors in children.
We are educating our children for a world that we do not know what it will be like.
Teaching our children to think, to create, to innovate and to get up emotionally quickly from obstacles or mistakes becomes, therefore, something important to work at home.
The secret behind this could be associated, perhaps, with the
patience
,
resilience
,
joy
and
inner calm
to interact in critical moments.
When we do, we achieve a greater connection not only with our children, but also with ourselves.
We are not - nor should we be - friends with our children.
Photo illustration Shutterstock.
We are not - nor should we be - friends with our children.
We are parents, with all that that implies.
Parents who must set limits, parents who must educate.
Parents who, many times, will have to say no: that you can't do this or that thing, or that I won't buy you what you want, because you don't need it.
We cannot and should not say yes to everything so as not to fight or because we are afraid that they will not love us.
If we see that our children get angry because we say no to them, and so that they do not get angry - or not to listen to them - we say yes, we are making a mistake by being short-term.
In other words, we must look ahead and understand that many of our actions are going to have an effect even on our children's adulthood.
When we say no, and we are really convinced, it is no.
Otherwise, we begin to lose our children's trust in us.
Without respect and without credibility, it is very difficult to get our children to take us seriously.
In order for our children to
grow up emotionally secure
and confident, they need their parents to be warm but firm when the situation warrants it.
To set limits you do not have to be angry, but convinced.
To have everything, sometimes is to have nothing.
By Laura Lewin, trainer and education specialist, TEDx speaker, and author of several books. On Instagram, @LewinOnLine.
Look also
When less is more: excess toys deteriorate the quality of play
5 strategies to set limits without losing your cool