Guadalupe Rivero
08/10/2021 6:01 AM
Clarín.com
Families
Updated 08/10/2021 6:01 AM
Select, pack, classify and say goodbye.
If it weren't for the emotional component that this process implies, those would be the fundamental steps of a
move
.
However, moving house is much more than moving to another property and sometimes it is a
difficult
grief
to go through.
What did we leave behind when we moved? Who will now inhabit those places that we felt so much ours? Will we find that feeling of belonging elsewhere? How long will it take to turn that new house into a home?
"A move implies a situation of change and detachment and that is why moving can be traversed by a feeling of mourning,"
Guillermina Peroni
, a psychologist specializing in family guidance at the Argentine Comprehensive Mental Health Center
, explained to Clarín
(on Instagram, @cismarg ).
Thus, each corner, each aroma, each one of the spaces of that which was our home are transformed into memories.
The marks on the walls, the tree we used to climb, the secret hiding places, the windows in which we visualize a different future are now part of our memory.
Each one of the spaces of that which was our house is transformed into memories.
Photo illustration Shutterstock.
“Leaving a place that we consider valuable can generate
sadness, fear, anxiety and uncertainty
, emotions that clearly fit a situation of loss.
These emotions will diminish little by little, until we get rid of them;
this is the essence of a healthy and normal duel ”, added the lawyer.
How adults and children live a move
Beyond all the
emotional charge
that a move implies, there is also another edge that has to do with the
exhaustion
that it produces.
The selection and packing process, the hiring of the moving service, the post-cleaning and the installation in the new property require a lot of work and patience.
The move will be experienced by boys and girls according to the behavior of the adults.
Photo illustration Shutterstock.
Peroni said that “
adults go through the process of moving with a high amount of stress
, since they generate a lot of discomfort.
The fact of having to disassemble a house and assemble it elsewhere requires a lot of energy and dedication ”.
In addition, he mentioned, "feelings of vulnerability may appear triggered by the alteration of routines and the lack of time for everything that has to be faced."
In the case of children, they will tune in "with the emotional states of adults, since through our behavioral and coping patterns we model the behavioral repertoire of our children."
To help them go through this experience, the psychologist assured that it is necessary to combine affection, time and commitment.
"It is important to be patient, give them time and space to explore their feelings and validate all their emotions," he said.
In addition, he recommended
involving them in the change process
, for example, when packing their toys and school supplies, always dosing the task according to the age of the boys and girls.
In this context, the psychologist highlighted that “the moving process includes
all members
of the family.
Although each member understands the change and reacts in a different way, depending on their age and stage of development, everyone should have the opportunity to express themselves and receive attention and support ”.
"Moving is
synonymous with changes
and that implies a temporary break in daily routines and habits that is not always easy to carry out," he concluded.
"It is a duel, a part of one is left behind," said Ágata Martínez Gramajo.
Photo illustration Shutterstock.
"A part of you is left behind"
"It's a duel, a part of one is left behind," said
Ágata Martínez Gramajo
, who lived seven years in her previous apartment and recently moved to a larger house with her two children.
Since she was a girl, the removals were a constant in her life.
According to him, his mother fulfilled two-year contracts and automatically changed houses, neighborhoods and schools.
The property he has just delivered was the one he lived in for the longest time in its 46 years of life, perhaps that is why the experience was so special.
“This was the house where I lived the most.
I had something very special, it was the house where I had lived with the father of my children, it had a history and an enormous weight.
It was the house we lived in together
before we separated
, where
we were a family
-
we
continue to be one but in another format - there we lived a lot of things together, the boys were very young.
He had all that energy of the beautiful, the strange and the sad when he left, "said Ágata.
Moving carries a great deal of stress.
Photo illustration Shutterstock.
For her, the assembly of the move had several stages.
“First it was fun, then it became something that never ended, into an assembly of boxes that implied meeting things I didn't even expect, sitting down and looking at photos, stories from my life, sitting on pause.
I was exhausted, overwhelmed, "he explained, while adding:"
It made me eternal
. "
Already settled in her new home, she recalled those last days with relief: “When I went to clean, I saw an empty house and I realized that it was left behind forever.
In my case it was a farewell to a part of me that I choose to leave behind ”.
In post-divorce removals, Daniel Martinz mentioned that there are "very tense and uncomfortable" moments.
Photo illustration Shutterstock.
Nostalgia, tension and search for solutions
Daniel Martinz
, owner of the company Martinz Mudanzas (on Instagram, @mudanzasmartinzhnos) reported that in each house where they work, even when the change of home is positive, they notice a hint of "
nostalgia
often accompanied by tears."
“Those of us who see families in this process often stop being mere spectators of what happens to them and we go through those days of preparation and transfer trying to accompany them so that their worries are reduced to a minimum and provide them with the security of arriving at their destination and settling in to a new stage in their lives ”, he commented.
Martinz stressed that his work is valued in cases where families leave a large property to move to a smaller one, a situation that according to him generates long debates and discussions.
"The experience of those who guide them in these cases is very important, since we offer temporary or permanent solutions unknown to families," he said.
In the post-divorce removals, the businessman mentioned that there are "very tense and uncomfortable" moments
.
“All the work is done under looks of dissatisfaction.
Very often one of the spouses adopts the role of being angry with the situation and the discharge of tensions with third parties such as collaborators who carry out the work is very frequent ”, he concluded.
It is recommended that children are participants in the moving process.
Photo illustration Shutterstock.
4 tips to make moving easier for boys and girls
María Laura Lezaeta
, child psychologist and co-founder of JUEGOlogía (on Instagram, @juegologia), offered a series of tips to facilitate the moving process for boys and girls:
It is important that as adults we remain calm, so as not to affect the emotional state of children, since a child can react like a
"mirror"
that reflects the emotions of nearby adults.
Anticipate
the changes to come with social stories.
The process to create them is simple: we write in simple sentences how the move will be, the preparations, the organization, what the new house will be like.
Together with that information we will paste images on each sheet.
Then, we will put the sheets together to create a book that will serve as a visual reminder for the children.
Make them participate
in the moving process, involving them in the decisions we make regarding the new home.
For example, let them choose how they want to decorate their room or how they want to distribute their toys in a new space.
In this way, they will feel part of the process and will experience it in a more enjoyable way.
Do not discuss
difficulties or problems that may arise in the moving process in front of the children, since this situation can become anguish and affect them emotionally.
It is advisable to speak and discuss such adult topics in other places, without the presence of the children.
Keep calm, essential.
Photo illustration Shutterstock.
4 tips to make moving a less stressful process
Lezaeta also established a series of recommendations that include the whole family when organizing and carrying out the move:
Do it in a
scheduled and leisurely way
, that is, also allocating rest intervals, moments of relaxation for each member of the family with the aim that said work does not become tedious.
Promote
spaces for dialogue
to establish what will be the tasks or roles that each member will assume in the move.
Put together a
schedule
with the weekly planning to organize the preparations for the move and leave it in view of all.
Propose
daily meetings
to talk about how each member of the family feels about this change.
This will help put into words the emotions and concerns that may arise.
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