Holidays are upon us, the plague is threatening to ruin another year of schooling and work, global warming and humidity are sticking us to the air conditioner, and all together it creates stress, which leads to sleepless nights - which further increases stress.
People are relieved about sleep.
Take it for granted, do not give it any thought and forget that we spend a third of our lives lying down, not including push-ups.
If everyone sleeps well, healthy and deep, it will make a significant contribution to overall calm, including an exponential decline in the number of plastic crown chairs flying in hotel fights, and a significant increase in Israel's GNP.
I am therefore surprised that the government, which has ministers for a multitude of fringe issues such as tourism, the Diaspora or regional cooperation, has not yet found it appropriate to appoint a Minister for Sleep Affairs, an issue that concerns the majority of the population every night. With all due respect to the activities of the Minister of Energy, what has given us more energy to date - no oil, or ten hours of sleep a night? Instead of choosing a brilliant or charismatic public figure, I suggest appointing a gray politician, whose every speech will get the public down in a minute and contribute to the national effort to increase the amount of hours of sleep.
The issue of sleep is one of the most critical in any couple relationship.
It is said that it is not good to be alone.
The question is whether it is not good for the person to be alone in bed.
It is not clear to me how in the worlds of tinder, "wedding" and dating sites where lying freely about age, height, looks, hobbies and sense of humor - do not address at all the sleeping habits of potential spouses, a matter that later, after the initial desire passes and becomes a nervous nap. Of incompatibility.
One of the common disagreements between spouses over sleep issues is the attempt to synchronize bedtime.
The fact that one partner worked all day like a donkey and finally wants to sleep is not always consistent with the fact that the other partner did nothing in the morning (except sleep at noon), and is now as alert as a spring that drank Red Bull.
Sometimes one of the spouses, who takes a shower before going to bed, delays the other spouse, who belongs to the morning shower school.
Couples who have a TV in the bedroom have a hard time agreeing on the content they will watch before bed.
Once upon a time it was easier: until midnight you could choose between watching the first channel broadcasts and watching the rusty spray in the bedroom, and at midnight the finger of "verse of the day" would signal that our broadcasts were over, and we would all fall asleep with the clock on the screen and the anthem.
Today, in the age of countless channels, television never ends.
Along with the increase in the variety of channels, the number of options for couple quarrels also increased, with questions such as what to see, after a few episodes turn off and go to sleep, and whether it is legitimate for the woman to continue with the "breaking line" binge, even though her husband already breaks walls with his snoring.
More than that: In the age of the binge, you can fall asleep with the first episode of a series, wake up in the morning after ten episodes, and discover that not only has the TV aired all night, now it also exposes you to a spoiler from the last episode and destroys the entire series.
There are couples where one partner wants to lie on their backs on their backs before bed with a book, but the small night light disturbs the other, who likes to fall asleep in the dark, with high-volume music - causing high-volume nerves on the other side of the bed.
Some people find it difficult to agree on the temperature in the room, the level of darkness of the curtain, or the question of whether to sleep with an open or closed door.
In the winter, the battle takes place upside down, including mutual tugs from side to side and a patient wait for the moment when the partner falls asleep to make a snatch and move the blanket to its natural place.
In the summer the question arises: does the fact that your partner prefers to sleep with an air conditioner at 16 degrees and upside down, and you prefer without an air conditioner and a light sheet, result from you trying to avoid back pain - or are you just a miser who wants to save electricity?
The first lady, for example, must sleep with an air conditioner, blanket and the noise of a random TV show, which will blur other noises that might disturb her at night.
She of course falls asleep five minutes after getting into bed and bursts into cute, quiet snoring, but if God forbid I turn off the TV, she will wake up immediately from the silence.
This is how I often find myself waking up frozen, with a busy neck, and frightened by a heated debate between Paula and Leon over diet issues that is being rebroadcast - and it is not clear to me whether it is now day, night or December in Siberia.
The monotonous noise of the air conditioner can also be used as an anesthetic for those who need regular background noise.
If you want to save electricity, you can just record an air conditioner.
Occasionally I hear about veteran couples who, due to disagreements over noise, lighting, blanket, sleeping times, snoring and other noises that are not the place to detail, have given up on shared accommodation.
Each is fortified in their own bedroom, and they meet in the shared bed only for romantic get-togethers.
Some of them discover after a while that they are unable to fall asleep without the snoring and kicks out of the partner's sleep.
Each person has their own sleeping style and habits that are not related to their bed partner.
In the field of clothing, for example, there are those who prefer the sweatshirt, which over the years has become a nightgown, which is the complete opposite of sports activities, and there are the pajama wearers.
Once upon a time there were those who slept not only in pajamas, but also with a bonnet, although it is not clear to me what it is in the interest of someone who is not a legendary character of the Grimm brothers to wear such a head covering during the night.
I have always wondered what the usual procedure is for foreign wig holders.
They probably have a dilemma whether to sleep with or without the wig.
On the one hand, it's a great time to freshen up a bit.
On the other hand, there is a fear that someone will suddenly knock on the door in a hurry, or that an alarm will sound that will force the wig holder to run to the stairwell.
In a panic he may forget the cover on the styrofoam head by the bed, which will make the meeting with the neighbors particularly interesting.
To understand the importance of sleep to the human race, keep in mind that some people are willing to flip thousands of dollars just for the option of getting a chair on the plane that turns into a bed and allows them to sleep reasonably, rather than pecking into the tray with the chicken.
On the other hand, even the investor will wake up from the stewardess' announcements over the loudspeaker about duty-free products and the distribution of warm wipes, and then the sleep went and the money went.
The plane is not the only means of transportation that encourages sleep.
When we return home in the car from a party or visiting friends, the first lady gives a few summary sentences about the film or the hosts, then yawns, closes her eyes and retires for a good night's sleep.
For her part she is now Miss Daisy, and I am the driver whose job it is to get her to bed.
Until then I can talk to Lampa.
And there are, of course, those who complete hours of sleep in the theater, in the movie theaters, at social events or in a lecture by someone with the charisma of a mayonnaise box.
To avoid such unaesthetic plays, I suggest setting up sleeping areas in cultural institutions, where, like the first class on a plane, you can get a chair that turns into a bed, a pillow and a blindfold.
That way, while the people around you are watching a "fast and furious" movie, you will pass it calm and sleepy.
yairn@israelhayom.co.il