Alexander Gorenstein
08/20/2021 6:00 AM
Clarín.com
Good Life
Updated 08/20/2021 6:00 AM
After being widowed, Enrique (78), on the recommendation of his son, made a profile on a dating APP and ruled out a couple of encounters since the women he spoke with, he said, did not like to go out and did not make plans .
"Later,
I found the one who is my partner today
. I am not very pretentious at this point, we get along well, there are no arguments, we go everywhere together, we chat, we watch movies, in my family they accepted her because they see that I am happy and I don't feel alone, ”says Enrique.
Ofelia (77) met a man on Facebook and after chatting for a few weeks she met him to meet for coffee.
"Since I had not had sex in four years, I went to see my gynecologist. In all these years I had not found anyone that I liked despite having gone out with several men. She
told me to enjoy the moment
and to take off my fears and taboos ”, expresses Ofelia.
Enrique and Ofelia are just two examples from the universe of men and women over 75, widowed, single or separated, who are increasingly encouraged to use different
technological tools
to find a new partner.
In some cases, relationships include sex and on other occasions the idea of having a partner to spend a few moments predominates.
Specialists advise to put aside taboos and enjoy.
Illustrative photo Shutterstock.
Against loneliness
"There are people over 70 who have many difficulties with loneliness, it is an age group that comes from the culture
of marriage for life
and that badly or well they have been in a couple and if their partner or partner is no longer, They are looking for a way to be accompanied and today technology makes this issue easier for them ”,
María Gabriela Simone, a psychologist specializing in sexuality and couples
, tells
Clarín
.
Many people use dating apps.
Some, on the other hand, feel more comfortable on Facebook.
In other cases, especially in the city of Buenos Aires, they use an application (+ Simple Comunidad) that the Buenos Aires government created in 2017 to, among other things, promote social ties between older adults.
Facebook and specific applications are the "bridges" for the meeting.
Photo Shutterstock.
Nothing is lost, everything transforms
"Sexuality at this age has to do with kisses, sweetness, tenderness. Many women do it for fun, not to be alone, to have company
rather than to have a fiery and passionate relationship
. They pay attention a lot. in the profile photos and, for example, if they have a cute smile, they start the conversation and it amuses them every time they receive a message from a man ",
Vilma Rosciszewski, gynecologist and clinical sexologist
, tells
Clarín
.
Olga Tallone, psychologist, sexologist and body therapist, explains that the courtship ceremony and the seduction of the other is a behavior that is constructed during the pre-adolescent stage and throughout life it takes different imprints, for which, she affirms, in the third age will be better, with more self-knowledge and practice.
"Yes, it is possible to speak of concrete sexual relations. It will depend on the
spiritual, mental and corporal vitality
. Of the mental openness to perceive itself as a subject of desire, desiring and desirable. And of the attitude that they take before the advances of tools (sexual revitalizing , pills, movies, audios, fantasy, imagination) that favor today to have a satisfactory sexual life, "he adds.
And he asks: "Why are older adults not supposed to have sex? Sexuality
is not just penetration
, it is bonding, gender, reproduction, and eroticism. A couple that is known for these applications already raises a intentionality of a loving bond in which the caress, the hug, the kiss, the contact, the massage is present; Isn't all this sexuality? "
A few months ago, María Amelia (75), on the recommendation of a friend, was encouraged to contact some men through Facebook.
"The first thing I notice is the look and the smile. I only write to those who
seem
to
me to have a good-looking face
and if I see that they upload photos in a pose or next to a high-end car it gives me the feeling that he is a superficial person and I don't like that ", says María Amelia.
"They look for
fun people
, who make them forget the daily stress. That is why they look at smiles. At this age they are very afraid of contagion of infections, but even more that penetration hurts due to vaginal dryness. Let them send you a message , that they ask you how you are, in the day to day, it is a company ", says Rosciszewski.
"They do
not seek to have sex in the first outing, they
prefer to go to a cafe and during the day, not at night. They can spend several appointments, with different people until they find one with whom they have skin," he says.
Simone, however, highlights that in some cases at the beginning of these relationships there is a more active sexual life than with former partners.
The "match" mobilizes, says Simone.
Illustrative photo Shutterstock.
"The arrival of the match or the message mobilizes generating very beautiful sensations, which
connects them with their youth
, the hormones that produce well-being are triggered, they feel happy and somewhat anxious," he points out.
The talks usually start in the area where they live, he says.
"Later, it is expanded in relation to
the things that each one likes to do
, customs, if there is a family, if they live alone, how long it has been since they have had a partner, etc.", he exemplifies.
For those who do not have sex, the bonds in this stage of life are based on
shared moments
.
They usually walk through squares, drink mate, go out for tea, go to the movies and when there was no pandemic they enjoyed the activities of the retirement clubs, doing sports, outings, card games and even parties with dances.
"In my office experience, women do not mate so easily and can live more with loneliness, they have several encounters until they find someone with whom to put something together," says Simone.
"A patient told me - she remembers -: 'At this point
I am not going to wash anyone's pants
, I am going to be with whoever treats me well, let's be partners and do things evenly and equally.'"
Look also
At 20, 30 or 70: how to fully enjoy each stage of sexuality
Sex in the elderly: an official guide says that "orgasm is achieved throughout life" and that "masturbation can be healthy"
