Guadalupe Rivero
08/22/2021 6:00 AM
Clarín.com
Relations
Updated 08/22/2021 6:00 AM
As if it were possible to choose who to fall in love with, to point to the indicated or indicated or to evade who represents a problem, certain types of loves are still questioned.
One of the cases strongly condemned at the social level occurs when someone falls in love with the
ex-partner of a friend
.
Should that ex become some kind of
amorphous, semi-human, invisible and untouchable
? How can such an approach affect that friendship?
Opinions are diverse and while some opt for risk, others rule out the possibility of such relationships on behalf of that friend.
“I loved it, it drove me crazy.
We chatted for hours.
One day, after long keyboard talks, he came to my house.
It was early morning and I lived in a studio where the table was next to the bed, there was no room for doubts.
The sexual tension was tremendous, but the fact that he was the ex-boyfriend of one of my best friends was stronger, I didn't even get to the kiss ”.
This is how
Camila
describes
the frustrated romance that years ago she had with her friend's partner for several years.
Although that relationship was already over, his own limits prevented him from any kind of real contact.
Falling in love with the ex-partner of a friend is a strong dilemma.
Photo illustration Shutterstock.
As a
counterpart,
Silvia
said his current partner was a close friend boyfriend for six years.
That link had ended a decade ago.
When they decided to whitewash with the boy in question, she
discussed it with her friend
.
There was no screaming, crying, or fighting.
But
the friendship was never the same again
.
"A situation of discomfort and resentment was generated, and I understand it," said Silvia.
Of covenants and codes
“
Falling in love is not intended to make life difficult for someone else
.
There is no reason to necessarily have to cum from there.
You have to see what the pact of loyalty is, it is a dilemma that has to do not only with the couple's bond, but also with the friendship ”, assured
Clarín Mariana Kersz
, psychologist and sexologist (on Instagram, @ lic.marianakersz) .
"We do not decide who we fall in love with," said Sol Buscio. Photo illustration Shutterstock.
The specialist stressed that "in the ties there are
pacts of trust
" that are probably broken when courting that or that ex of a friend.
"It is a difficult situation to address that not all people take well," he added.
Sol Buscio
, psychologist and coordinator of the Network of volunteer professionals around the world (on Instagram, @ psico.solb), stated that, although “we do not decide who we fall in love with, socially we incorporate that kind of law that is not established in any side but that is governed by the codes of friendship ”.
This, he clarified, includes a kind of
mandate
on "not dating the ex-partner of a friend", since "issues such as trust, respect and honesty are at stake."
The specialists recommended being honest with that friend.
Photo illustration Shutterstock.
He who warns not betray?
Reactions to this are not universal
and each person will do what they can with their feelings.
However, both specialists recommended
being honest
with that friend.
That is "the first person with whom one should speak," said Buscio, who added that one must "listen to that other and what may happen to him from an open place."
At the same time, he stressed that "also be clear about
what can be lost
, because not all things can happen the way one expects them."
Kersz, meanwhile, mentioned: “In every relationship there has to be a lot of
dialogue
and communication as the basis for bonding.
This does not exceed friendship relations: talking about some issues we can reach new agreements ”.
“Always better to say it than hide it.
That is what will allow us to see what the emotional situation of the other person is, "said the author of
A Journey to Pleasure
(Urano).
"There are other healthier ways of loving that have to do with understanding," Kersz said.
Photo illustration Shutterstock.
Bet on healthy loves
The weight of
romantic love
, once again, plays an essential role.
In the words of Mariana Kersz: “We come from what I call the '
Andrea Del Boca generation
', where love is suffered, with punishment, guilt, torment.
When we change the chip a bit, we think of relationships as links that can accompany us in a healthy and full way ”.
Finally, the sexologist mentioned that “we were raised with this concept of romantic love, which is not wrong, but there are other models and other ways of thinking about love and emotions.
There are other healthier ways of loving that have to do with understanding, with
empathy
, with giving room, with being able to set the other person free and see him happy ”.
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