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An 'app' for separated parents to communicate and keep up to date with what their children are doing

2021-09-14T13:08:15.610Z


Created by the Union of Family Associations, UNAF, the objective of 'Unaf Parentâlis' is to increase responsible parenting to achieve a better emotional development of children


According to the latest INE report, in 2019 alone there were a total of 91,645 divorces in our country.

This figure offers a fairly clear clue to the number of children who see their parents, by mutual or unilateral decision, decide to take different paths in their life.

Paths that, although they suppose a couple's distance, should not suppose the same with respect to the children.

This is what the experts recommend and what is called responsible parenting, which must go beyond separation.

And to achieve this objective,

Unaf Parentâlis

has emerged

that helps parents to communicate with each other and thus improve the emotional development of all.

More information

  • Shared custody: the key to caring for children after the breakup

  • Shared Custody in Times of Coronavirus: Children's Well-Being Above All

José Luis Gonzalo Marrodán, psychologist specializing in childhood trauma and bonding-based education, and author of

When my heart calms

, it

summarizes in a very simple and easy to understand way what should be done: “Think not about the rights of parents, but about the rights of children.

Or, in other words, always focus on the best interests of the child ”.

But also empathize with the child and understand that he suffers when his parents are at war.

"They are his two great pillars, the people whom that child loves the most."

From what the clinical psychologist says, it is easy to understand, but not so much to practice, if we take into account that the data refer to around 50% of conflictive or judicialized divorces, extended in time.

With the suffering that this can mean for the children.

Suffering and problems in the medium term: "According to studies and what I see in consultation, the stress of a bad separation in which there is a perpetual conflict can mean, in especially vulnerable children, the debut of behavioral, emotional, eating disorders ..." So clear and so hard.

Available on Google Play and App Store

This perspective and many years of work in Family Mediation has prompted the UNAF team to create a free app (it is funded by the Ministry of Social Rights and Agenda 2030) available on Google Play and the App Store, and designed to help separated parents to exercise their parental

co-responsibility

… One of the keys to

Unaf Parentâlis

is to facilitate functional communication between all family members, regardless of whether there is sole or shared custody.

To achieve this, sections such as Agenda, Expenses, Messages or Contacts have been created.

"The application itself is a way to help both parents have the same information and communicate in a more effective way," says Marta Chacón Crespo, UNAF Family Mediator and Awareness Technician in Couple Breakup.

One of the most interesting bets is the Agenda, which allows you to share with the other parent what your children do in their day-to-day life.

Chacón Crespo explains: “Sometimes, children feel controlled when one of the parents asks them what they have done with the other.

The conversation is very different if you know where he has gone and you only ask him how he went ”.

By the way, the little one feels that he cares about you, and that he is not betraying the other parent every time he says something.

Finish off the messenger children

But for all this to work, you have to start from a premise: both parents must agree.

“Using the application can promote communication and help improve it, but it is not a substitute for it.

The purpose is to encourage it.

It can depersonalize some communications, which is convenient in transmitting the message when the relationship is not good ”.

Messages can be a great source of conflict. Even more so if the children are used as a messenger. The 'tell dad that ...' or 'tell mom that ...' is not a good method, as it directly involves the intervention of children. "There are many communication tools in our devices, but this one has elements to focus the issue and seeks to obtain concrete answers, and above all, it advises how they should communicate."

It also does not work that only one of the two has the contacts that are important to the little ones.

Both parents must be able to access people who are significant to their children.

That is why a tool was created in which contacts can be shared between the two: “We have a half-life in contacts on our mobiles.

Having only those that affect our children unified in one place, and being able to share them with the other parent can greatly speed up some procedures ”.

Some are as simple as organizing with other parents to come and go to extracurricular activities or to friends' birthdays.

They are small drawbacks of separations, but they are important to them and that is why, as the Family Mediator says, "you have to try to find a solution."

Greater involvement in parenting

Although it is intended for parents who must exercise parental responsibility from a distance, generally after a separation,

Unaf Parentâlis

can be useful for cases as disparate as families in which the parents live in different cities. Or, simply, for parents who, "without being separated, seek greater involvement in raising their children", clarifies Marta Chacón Crespo. Because parents know that only by working on affection, understanding, spending time with them and staying by their side on a day-to-day basis, will we be able to understand them, set limits and help them in their development. At the end of the day and as the UNAF Breakup Awareness Technique says, "that's parenting."

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Source: elparis

All news articles on 2021-09-14

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