Marina Rovner
09/18/2021 6:00 AM
Clarín.com
Families
Updated 09/18/2021 6:00 AM
According to official figures, from 2004 to the present, divorces represent 50% of marriages each year in Argentina.
Thus, 5 out of 10 families experience the dissolution of the couple and thousands of children and young people experience the divorce of their parents.
How each member involved reacts depends on their age, personality, and the circumstances of the separation and divorce process.
Although
before it was believed
that divorce broke the family, negatively affecting children and young people, today it was found that it is not the event of separation that hurts, but rather the
conflicts of the couple
before and after the break.
The appearance of certain problems, such as anxiety in children and young people, is not due in itself to the change in the family structure, but to the
type of interaction that parents have
after the breakup.
The problems are not due to the change in the family structure, but to the type of interaction of the parents after the break.
Photo: Shutterstock.
According to a survey carried out at the Inter-American Open University (UAI) in July 2021 by students of the Department of Development Psychology of the Music Therapy Career, society perceives that the family acquired new forms in a constant process of cultural evolution, in the framework of care, solidarity and cohesion in internal ties.
The day after
There he wondered about the
consequences
of divorce.
Among the answers you could choose between: destroys the family, weakens parental ties, generates hatred from the children to one or both parents, improves internal ties, does not change anything and does not make anything worse.
The highest percentage was obtained by the perception that "divorce
improves internal ties in a family
" and was answered by half of the surveyed population.
It should be noted that 70% of the responses came from people under 35 years of age, from the AMBA (Metropolitan Area of Buenos Aires).
Social transformation and family cohesion
The
family
is a dynamic concept that has survived the socioeconomic transformations that have occurred throughout history, from the primitive community to today's society, in which the classic version of the nuclear family (father, mother and children united) has changed.
Today we are facing the emergence of a social movement where a family has given rise to a
range of possibilities such
as being single-parent families (with a single parent), homoparental families (trans / LGBT + parents), families without children, etc.
In families of divorced parents, cooperation between former spouses, mutual support, and the absence of disagreements between them have positive effects on parents and children.
The reaction of each family member to divorce depends on many factors.
Photo: Shutterstock.
9 ways to manage family ties after divorce
Talk
about the situation and the terms that were agreed: children have the right to know what is happening in their environment.
Listen to children
: show that their feelings are important, valid and normal, even when they are difficult or painful.
Avoid speaking ill of the ex-partner: this is called “
alienation
” and it is a type of abuse towards children, no matter how old they are.
Accompany and
answer
questions: as they grow and mature more and even if it seems that they have already talked about the same topics before, keep the dialogue open.
Recognize
real events.
For example, if one of the parents moves, it is better to acknowledge what has happened.
It is not your responsibility to explain your ex's behavior.
Try
not to use children as messengers
: It is offensive to children when they are asked to "spy."
Communicate directly with your ex-partner about issues such as schedules, visits, health or school problems.
New relationships,
reunited
families,
and new marriages are among one of the most complex parts of the divorce process;
a new family assembled can create stress.
Allowing children to spend time alone with parents strengthens bonds.
Parents also need to remember to
take care of themselves
: seek out supportive friends and seek psychological help when needed.
Maintain a
positive attitude
: even when the separation turns out not to be what is expected, review personal resources to try to find meaning and plan a new stage in life.
By Marina Rovner, specialist in anxiety crisis, phobias and panic; Master in Communication and Culture and professor at the Inter-American Open University (UAI).
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