My sister suddenly immigrated to the UK to take care of her on her own

Under the tide of immigration, many problems arise between going and staying, and the future care of the elders in the family is exhausting.

Cherie gave up the opportunity to take root in the UK 7 years ago and came back to take care of the dementia mother.

In the past seven years, one person was responsible for the three meals a day and daily life of Mama. Sometimes, she felt "so disgusting." Fortunately, she was a former helper for her sister who was studying at the time, and took a breather.

However, in November last year, the younger sister who had just graduated from university suddenly "notified" everyone in the family group that she was about to get married and went to Britain, and she immigrated since then.

My sister had no communication or warning beforehand. The news made Cherie difficult to accept. She felt that her sister was irresponsible, and she felt like she and Xiu Xi were abandoned. She once planned to "be a sister in the future", but she did not interact for more than half a year. .

After experiencing self-adjustment, with the help of the St. James' Settlement's "656 Caregiver Good Help" information platform, Cherie stepped out of the fog of grievances and is slowly repairing family relationships.

However, although she understands that many people choose to leave Hong Kong for different reasons, don't forget those who need to be taken care of at home: "Don't go too free and easy."

She did not remember drinking water for a week and was sent to the hospital. Cherie decided to abandon her development in the UK and return to Hong Kong to take care of her.

(Photo by Zhang Haowei)

Abandon British development opportunities and return to Hong Kong to take care of her

Cherie grew up next to Xiu Xiu since childhood. The two are very close. She even promised Xiu Xiu will raise her until the end of a century.

However, when she was in college, Cherie went to the UK to study as required by her parents, and even planned to take root in the UK after graduation, while Xiu Xiu became an elderly person living alone.

While studying abroad, Cherie's body is deteriorating. Cherie has always been concerned about her.

Around 2013, Xiu Xiu was diagnosed with cognitive impairment, but Cherie still didn't care.

It wasn't until one time that Madam didn't remember to drink water for a whole week and asked her family to visit her house.

At that time, Cherie flew home from the United Kingdom hurriedly. Through the video, she saw that she was a thin adult, and her body was more intubated. Cherie collapsed. As a result, she decided to return to Hong Kong to take care of her after graduation. Passing away without me by my side: "If you are, you must regret it, and you can't forgive yourself."

Taking care of the elderly with cognitive impairments is difficult and difficult to find relief

Abandoning the bright future unknown to the UK, Cherie returned to Hong Kong, not facing a warm life.

Taking care of the elderly with cognitive impairment is very hard. Physical fatigue is second, and emotional distress is the torture: "You have nothing to do with you, and you have to return to yourself."

Cherie said that Madam no longer knows how to clean after going to the toilet, and she often messes up the whole toilet with excrement. No matter how she explains, she can't remember.

One day, when she got up in the morning, Cherie, who was unwell, found that Madam was trying to clean her with her hands again. She tied her hands with a rope in angrily. Madam still didn’t understand. After breaking free, she still made the toilet very dirty. Cherie She had a tantrum at her, but Maima just smiled at Cherie and stroked her head with her hand. Cherie instantly collapsed: "Take me a step, why do I want to tie it?"

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Cherie: Just leave a word and leave for a long time.

Although Cherie takes care of most of the work of taking care of her, her sister's helper is still very important one day a week, because she also needs to go out to meet friends and take a breather.

However, my sister graduated from university last year and suddenly announced in the family group that she was about to get married in November, and then immigrated to the UK.

Cherie didn't know it beforehand. She thought her sister had finally graduated, so she could take care of her. "He left after a word. I'll be fine for a long time."

Her younger sister suddenly emigrated, Cherie had to take care of her by herself, and felt abandoned at one time.

(Photo by Zhang Haowei)

You want to open up your life, but what about the people in the house, what about the people who stayed behind?

Everyone has an idea, but don't walk silently, don't be too free and easy.

Cherie

Just as my sister was preparing for immigration matters, Mama fell and hurt her foot. Only Cherie accompanied Mama to see a doctor and physical therapy: "I think Qu (sister) has no sense of responsibility. What about people? I think everyone has ideas, but don’t walk silently, don’t be too free and easy.”

Share your experience with more people, don’t feel like you’re alone and helpless.

Cherie

I complained about my sister's "no cross tie" because I care about her in my heart

In distress, Cherie found the "656 Caregiver Good Help" information platform under the St. James' Settlement. With the help of the platform, she became a "carer ambassador" and relied on platform resources to cultivate and equip herself.

During an interview with a psychologist, she said that she was depressed, and later found out that although she complained about her sister's "no ties," she actually felt disappointed because she cared about her sister and did not receive a correct response from her sister.

Now she has calmed down a lot, and by becoming a "caregiver ambassador", she shared her experience with more people: "Don't think you are alone and helpless."

St. James' Settlement's Continuing Care Service Senior Manager Cai Jiayi reminded the community that there are many resources available to let caregivers with "no replacements" respite.

(Provided by interviewee)

St. James' Settlement reminds the community that there are resources available to help the caregivers of "no replacements"

Cai Jiayi, senior manager of continuous care services at St. James' Settlement, pointed out that in recent months, there has been an increase in the sharing of immigration-related experiences by institutional members, including some caregivers.

She said that each case is different, depending on the needs of the caregivers, and reminded the community that there are actually many resources available, such as district centers for the elderly and neighbourhood centers, so that caregivers with "no one to take leave" can breathe.

55 "656 ambassadors" of the two communists play the role of fellow travelers

St. James' Settlement launched the "656 Caregiver Good Help Search" information platform in July 2020, which provides search for resources in 18 districts in Hong Kong, helps them find suitable service support, and helps caregivers relieve stress.

While opening up the online platform, the platform also trained a total of 55 "656 ambassadors" for two sessions to take on the role of fellow travellers, share care experience and 656 concepts, help discover social resources, and jointly support caregivers.

How to get the "656 Caregiver Help Search" Immigration Care Tips

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