A country abandoning its children:
This column was written from the blood of my children and from the heart of my heart.
After years of disconnection from my two children due to a high-conflict divorce (the disconnection was both from my extended family and from me), the relationship was renewed following welfare intervention, the courts and an expert therapist in reconnecting.
The knot is rebuilt, heel to toe, as I continue to dig daily with a tunnel spoon into my children’s hearts with sensitivity, determination, tenacity and lots of love, like water on a rock.
The term "parental alienation", which made headlines again yesterday (Tuesday) when Ben El Tavori wrote on Instagram that he is in a legal battle with his son and that he is experiencing parental alienation, is a controversial term and a fertile ground for gender, economic and political struggle.
It is very important to call a child by his name, parental alienation is a laundering of words for emotional abuse of helpless children and is even considered a criminal offense in the Law Book of the State of Israel (Amendment No. 26 to the Penal Code "Protection of Minors and Helpless Law"), an offense that unfortunately exists.
It is very important to note that parental alienation is not a gender phenomenon.
Fathers and mothers suffer from the phenomenon almost equally.
Tavori's Historical
The symptoms observed in children in disconnection from the parent are, among others, the independent decision-maker syndrome (I and only I will decide which parent I will be in contact with), splitting (worldview in black and white), pathological symbiosis with the preferred parent, repression of the target parent (defense mechanism) , Delusion, use of language not adapted to the child's age (the preferred parent speaks from the child's throat), cruel behavior towards the target parent (lack of empathy), disconnection from the target parent's extended family and intergenerational transmission.
Parental alienation from fathers is characterized by false complaints about sexual abuse of children.
These false complaints are a distraction from the alienating parent's feelings towards the target parent.
The children are in the cult, only in this case, the head of the cult is their parent.
Scout Grant's excellent series "Knot of Silence" from 2017 has raised awareness of the phenomenon, but there seems to be room to raise a sequel in order to strengthen awareness among the public so that the phenomenon sticks above every stage.
Exactly one year ago, Supreme Court Justice Esther Hayut issued a nationwide procedure to prevent harm to one of the parents due to inciting children in family disputes.
A welcome move, but not enough.
From my acquaintance with hundreds of alienation cases, unfortunately the procedure is not implemented properly.
How do you proceed from here?
It is important to understand and internalize that emotional abuse of helpless children is extremely severe abuse that does not fall short of physical or sexual abuse, and must be put in a basket of domestic violence with all the consequences of the move, including removing children from estranged parents and imposing prison sentences on these parents. On the backs of their children.
Dedicated treatment centers for the phenomenon must be established and therapists in the field must be trained while providing protection and legal backing to those therapists from intimidation lawsuits.
Educators, including school principals, educators and counselors, should also be trained to alert and seek treatment as soon as possible.
I am sure that our family will overcome the difficult crisis it went through, and when the day comes my children will be accompanied by both their parents to the canopy and establish healthy and happy families in Israel.
Unfortunately, a story like mine is rare.
The vast majority of disconnected children will not be able to reconnect with the target parent, and chances are they will continue to pass the pathology on to the next generation as well.
Nationally, this is a social bomb that explodes throughout Israel every day and affects thousands of families.
If you do not let your hand dismantle this bomb, there is a good chance that you will be the next casualties from it.
I recommend that Ben El and any parent who is disconnected from their children, contact the association's Facebook page to combat parental alienation in Israel for information and support.
This column was written to lift the spirits of our late friends Hezi Burstein and the late Inbal Peretz, who passed away this year before being able to renew contact with their loved ones.
The writer is a loving father and a social activist in the field of relationship innovations