How to best accompany someone with cancer?
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(CNN Spanish) -
When she was 32 years old, Melissa Parra was diagnosed with breast cancer, which is the cancer with the highest incidence in the world, according to the World Health Organization (WHO).
Every diagnosis is complex and difficult to cope with, but Melissa's was given in a very particular context.
"It was quite a difficult process because I faced (...) postpartum depression (...). I was diagnosed exactly three weeks after my only daughter was born," he says in an interview with CNN en Español.
This, she says, made her fear not only for her life, but for the idea of leaving her husband and newborn daughter alone.
Breast cancer: the importance of sustaining treatment and psychotherapy
Precisely, feelings related to death usually appear when a cancer diagnosis is made, according to Dr. Elmer Huerta, specialist in Oncology and Public Health and contributor to CNN en Español.
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"Cancer is a very strong word, very hard. When they tell you that you have cancer, you immediately associate it with death," says Dr. Huerta.
However, he adds that this is no longer the case today: "Many cancers can now be cured. Cancer has become a chronic disease that can be managed, but because you associate cancer with death, it paralyzes you. , it depresses you, that prevents you from having a good treatment, accepting the treatment and (that) is going to greatly limit your cancer journey. "
What can be done to better cope with a cancer diagnosis, be it breast, lung or of any kind?
This is recommended by Dr. Huerta and patient Melissa Parra.
Coping with cancer on two levels: physical and mental
Physical health: always see a specialist
Dr. Huerta comments that the first thing to do after a cancer diagnosis is to make sure that, from now on, you will always see an oncologist specialist to treat the disease.
On this, it indicates that the specialists in Oncology are basically three different:
Oncologist doctor: "He or she is a specialist in internal medicine, he or she is the one who gives chemotherapy and makes the general evaluation of the patient with cancer."
Oncologist surgeon: "He is the doctor who operates on cancer. The oncologist doctor (...) does not operate on cancer, they treat with drugs, while the second does operate on cancer."
Radiotherapist oncologist: "He does not operate or give medicines, what this third specialist does is use X-ray machines to irradiate the body and destroy the cancer."
How do you know who to go to?
This will depend on the cancer that has been diagnosed.
Based on this, you will be told which is the most appropriate specialist to treat the disease.
This specialist "is the one who will guide the treatment and will ask the other specialists for help depending on the type of tumor," emphasizes Dr. Huerta.
Physical health: inform yourself well
Although seeing a specialist seems somewhat obvious, Dr. Huerta points out that he has had patients who do not see turn to oncologists, which makes treatment difficult.
Something similar has happened to the subject of information: "I have seen patients who when they have cancer pay more attention to WhatsApp, they pay more attention to Facebook or bad information than to scientific information."
For this reason, Dr. Huerta recommends that you review official resources to be informed about the disease, since, if the patient has knowledge regarding their cancer, closer collaboration with the specialist can be carried out.
Here are several documents that can help you on your learning path about cancer.
Notably, the following resources are from expert health institutions: the American Cancer Society, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the U.S. National Cancer Institute, and the National Cancer Institute. Cancerología de México (through the National Cancer Registry Network).
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Physical Health: Keeping a Cancer Diary
Along with the two recommendations above, Dr. Huerta explains that a good way to stay organized is to keep a cancer diary or registry.
"A very important tip is that you have to have a notebook called 'The cancer day notebook', in which appointments are noted, conversations with specialists and plans are noted," he explains.
This will go a long way to make your treatment path much clearer.
There you also have to write down the medications that you are prescribed and the time you should take them.
We recommend that you consider four categories or columns in a notebook that you have at home: 1) date of your medical appointments;
2) medications you were prescribed and how long you should take them;
3) procedures and plans that your doctors will carry out in the future;
4) the most important information about what you discuss with your doctors.
Other recommendations regarding physical health
"With regard to food and beverages, follow the instructions of the doctors knowing that there are no special diets for cancer, but that the treatments can alter the digestive system, therefore, it is necessary to follow the instructions of the doctor, the doctor in terms of diet, mobility, physical activity, walks and that kind of thing, "explains Dr. Huerta.
Mental health: empathy and understanding
Breast cancer: 5 signs to pay attention 1:02
Melissa, now 36 years old and now proudly saying that she is a cancer survivor, says that an important part with cancer patients must be to have empathy, to understand that they are people who are going through very difficult times.
"The first thing is (to have) empathy. It is to fill yourself with love and understand that inside that scared body there is a person full of pain and anguish (...). One needs that cry, that hug, that 'Although you are going to leave go ahead, I know the fear you have, I know the pain you have 'and you appreciate it, "he says.
Along with this, says Melissa, understanding has to come, because sometimes the person feels with so little energy that they do not want to have interaction with others and all they want is to be at home with the closest family.
"The second thing that I recommend, both to the family and friends of the person who is going through the process, is understanding. I faced many situations where they judged me for not wanting to go out, for not wanting to invite, for not wanting to have people with me and the truth is that I wanted to live my process alone with my family and my daughter. I did not want them to visit me. Literally after the first chemo, one leaves very tired, not all people have exactly the same thing, but in my case the first cycle of chemotherapy was putting me to sleep, "he explains.
And he adds that these situations of not wanting visits or accompaniment at certain times should be understood as a part of the process and not as a personal matter or to hurt someone.
"If I only want to be with my husband and my daughter, that's what I have to do, because that's what makes me happy."
Mental health: the importance of asking 'How are you?'
Mental and emotional health, Dr. Huerta points out, is equal to or even more important than physical health.
"They are two completely different avenues that unfortunately in many places the second is not taken into account. They all focus on the tumor in the treatment, but nobody asks the woman or the man who has cancer 'how are you? How do you feel as a person? '"he says.
Why is it such an important part of treatment?
The Oncology specialist indicates that he has known patients who, despite not having cancer affectations for years and being in remission, "live a miserable existence because they have psychological trauma. They cannot do things, they do not want to do things, they do not want to go out. out on the streets, they think the cancer is going to come back. They don't realize that the cancer is over. "
Therefore, Dr. Huerta explains that it is necessary for the patient to realize that he is a person with emotions who has been affected by cancer and that, therefore, he needs help in the emotional part.
Mental health: psychological help
Psychological help should come when the person is treating their cancer.
In other words, there must always be a balance between attending to physical health and attending to your emotions at the same time, precisely to achieve a successful cancer journey and avoid future trauma.
Likewise, the ideal is for the patient to resort to specialized help, that is, psycho-oncology services.
"Ideally, here, if the (medical) service the person is going to has it, (is) a psycho-oncology service. It should be seen with the psycho-oncologist, so that he or the oncologist psychiatrist guides them in overcoming what it's called post-traumatic stress caused by cancer, "explains Dr. Huerta.
Some medical services do not have this specialization.
However, it is recommended that you seek psychological help, even if it is not specialized, in order to attend to emotions.
And not only does it seek to understand one's own emotions, but also to understand that cancer is a disease that psychologically affects the family and people close to patients.
"That families support each other, that families take advantage of the support provided by psychological health insurance, because cancer is not experienced only by the person receiving the treatment, our husbands, our parents, our children and even our friends, family members in general also live it and do not know how to react and also have pain ", concludes Melissa, a cancer survivor.
Cancer