Children grieve differently.
They do not experience death of loved ones like adults do.
These children get help at the Obergrashof.
Dachau - There are things in life that shouldn't really happen.
That mom is dying.
Or the brother, for example.
They happen anyway and tear a hole in the hearts of those who stay.
In such a situation, many lack the words with which to help children.
But there is the Johanniter mourning group for children at the Obergrashof in Dachau - with animals.
In the interview, Deacon Tobias Rilling (56) describes how the group works, what animals do for the children and what the children urgently need in their grief.
It is always said that children grieve differently - what does that mean?
Children are not yet ready to fully grasp death.
You have no idea what eternal means or what it means when your dad says: “Mum will never come back.” Above all, they want one thing: normalcy.
Like the girl who wanted to go back to school the day after her mother died.
She wanted normality - also because that could mean somewhere that mom would come back after all.
But of course she won't come back, and then the father usually tries to be strong - for the children.
Is it good?
Not if he is suppressing the grief in the process.
That is often a problem.
Because children usually have no experience of grief - they look to see what they see in us adults.
And if you have the feeling that you shouldn't mourn, but must be strong so that you are not also a burden, this can have serious long-term consequences.
What for example?
That grief turns into anger.
When children are left alone with their grief, we often hear - even years later - that they are suddenly aggressive.
Therefore there has to be a room for the children where they can mourn.
And there is that, for example, in your mourning group at the Obergrashof.
What do you offer here?
We can take grief.
We can talk to the children about their fears, their worries, their grief.
Two donkeys and a dog approach the children with an open mind.
There is a fire place and a space for creative design.
While the children are with us, volunteers go for a walk with the adults - listen and talk.
What is possible with the help of animals that would otherwise not be possible?
For example, there was this boy - he didn't want to talk about his papa dying.
I said he could tell the pony if he wanted to.
And then he whispered it in his ear.
Of course I heard what he said and was able to show him that we understand him.
For example, I let the pony nod with the help of the reins or shake his head.
That's how I got access to him.
Could the boy open up further over time?
Yes.
Also because he was able to find out that he is not alone in this situation.
At first he only lit a candle for the deceased with the others - but said nothing about it.
The third time the boy said that the candle was for someone.
That is progress.
When children lose their parents, it also shakes their sense of security.
If something happens to those who have to be invulnerable - what is still safe?
How can the animals help here too?
When the father or mother of a child dies, the self-esteem is always down and the feeling of security is broken.
Animals can give back security.
For example, when a child feels that they can ride a donkey safely and securely, it is very good for their self-esteem.
Who is the group suitable for?
For each.
It doesn't matter where he's from, whether he's religious or not.
We humans are social beings and even when we grieve we need a community, we don't want to be alone with it.
It is extremely good for the children to find out: I'm not the only one to whom something like this has happened when they see how others deal with it.
The mourning group at the Obergrashof
Anyone interested in the offer for children between the ages of six and 13 at the Obergrashof can contact Deacon Tobias Rilling from the Johannitern.
There will also be a trial day on November 19 from 5 to 7 p.m. at the Obergrashof (Obergrashof 1, 85 221 Dachau).
Registration at 089/12 473 44 11 or by email to lacrima.muenchen@johanniter.de is required.
You can also find out more about Johanniter's grief counseling on the Internet at www.johanniter-lacrima.de.
Grief counseling is free of charge for those affected.
These are borne by the sponsoring members of the Johanniter-Unfall-Hilfe and by donations.
With your donation you can help children whose father or mother has died: Johanniter-Unfall-Hilfe, IBAN: DE66 3702 0500 0004 3039 01, BIC: BFSWDE33XXX, keyword "Lacrima Munich"
So is the group a place where you can cry but also laugh together?
Exactly, because laughing is just as much a part of grief as crying, fear or despair.
All of this is perfectly normal.
With us, the children talk about their feelings, but they can also let off steam at times.
This is especially important when it was very emotional beforehand.
What is one of the most important things that children learn in a group?
That it's okay to talk about dad's death - even at home.
That it's okay to think about him.
That it is just as much a part of life as - for example - playing football.
Even if dad was a soccer coach.
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