How to help teenagers manage their emotions?
0:53
Editor's Note:
Psychologist John Duffy, author of "Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety," practices in Chicago.
He specializes in working with teenagers, parents, couples and families.
(CNN) -
After three long semesters of the pandemic, most parents are very happy that their tweens, teens, and teens are finally returning to school full-time, and that the use of masks inside the building is one of the few traces of the pandemic left in their daily lives.
Classes are generally back and in person. Sports, clubs, plays, band, and other extracurricular activities made a comeback. This is the semester families have been waiting for. After missing sports seasons and graduations, dances, games, and other rites of passage, teens and young adults essentially get their lives back. It should be an exciting time for them. No?
Not at all.
My young clients, aged 10-22, tell a different story.
They are exhausted.
Here are some reasons, along with some quick and easy 15 minute solutions to help you.
Not leaving home to go to school
In the last year and a half, many of our children have gotten used to getting out of bed and into class, all in a few minutes.
No shower, no breakfast, maybe no change of clothes.
Now you have to reestablish new routines and habits.
If your child leaves little or no time to prepare for the day ahead, this contributes to his burnout.
15 Minute Solution:
Encourage him to gradually wake up earlier, 15 minutes a week or so, so he has time to get ready.
In a few weeks, they should be back to their morning rhythm.
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Expert gives advice for returning to face-to-face classes 4:23
Going to bed too late
Despite our efforts, many children stayed awake and slept later during the pandemic.
They just weren't getting enough sleep.
Now that they have returned to school full time, the children have not adjusted their sleep patterns.
This adds to their feeling of exhaustion, as they continue to sleep late, but wake up earlier, and they do not cover the eight to ten hours of sleep they need each night.
15 Minute Solution:
Gradually adjust your kids' bedtime, reducing 15 minutes every few days until they get enough sleep.
Removing bedroom screens can also go a long way.
Most importantly, be sure to establish solid sleep patterns at home, including adjustments to your own sleep schedule.
How to improve sleep habits to support emotional well-being?
A therapist explains it
They have not had to make an effort
The children are very untrained academically. These last few semesters have been a jumble of learning methods, and children tell me that none have been particularly effective. In moments of honesty, most of my school-age clients tell me that they have learned virtually nothing in their subjects since March 2020, but have learned some very effective ways to cheat the system, by Googling the answers during online exams and completing the minimum on homework.
15 Minute Solution:
Our children have to relearn how to pay attention in class and study at home.
For parents, this will require contacting teachers and counselors to make sure their children are on track in school, and possibly tutors to help re-establish effective homework routines.
Try adding time to do homework in manageable 15-minute chunks each week.
These interventions may only need to be temporary, just to establish effective habits that children don't have enough energy for right now.
They didn't have to deal with people they don't like.
Some children have told me that re-socializing has increased their exhaustion.
Many have been much less social during the pandemic, relieving pre-pandemic social pressure.
There were few social ladders to climb, dramas to handle, or new relationships to cultivate.
Now, children feel pushed back into their social life, and they feel unprepared.
The rejected feel rejected again.
Bullies are bullying again.
The dramas reappear, and old assumptions about others begin to emerge.
Of course, old connections are also thriving, and new connections are being forged.
Most of the children are very happy to be with their peers again, but they are overwhelmed.
Helping Teens and Tweens Readjust to Social Dynamics at School
15-minute solution:
take 15 minutes to do a check-up, without pressure, with your children.
Ask them about the best and worst of their day and talk to them about those moments.
They may respond with very little, or with a full discussion.
In any case, your children will know that you are available to talk with them about the new dynamics of their social life.
And you'll have a chance to briefly brainstorm low points without making the talk feel overwhelming.
He then takes a step back and leaves room for them to find their way again.
For example, they may choose to stay home one night on the weekend when they would normally go out.
For now, let them regulate their social life and help them when they tell you they are about to get overwhelmed.
They don't move enough
Many children became increasingly sedentary during the pandemic.
They secluded themselves in bed, played video games, scrolled on social media and texted their friends.
This pattern made them feel lazy and fatigued.
Here are some tips to convince your child to leave the screen and exercise
15 Minute Solution:
This time is an opportunity for your kids to re-commit to exercise.
Get them to join a track team or dance club.
Get them to exercise or run at school.
The more they move and the more physical energy they expend, the less exhausted they will feel.
And to parents, I encourage you to make daily exercise non-negotiable.
A boost to the emotional well-being of your children will be a plus in this regard.
And if you see that your children are resisting, start with 15 minutes of exercise a day for a week, and work your way up from there.
Think long term
I urge parents to give their children a grace period while they make these adjustments.
The pandemic has taken many things away from them, and has caused their lives to lose a beat, leaving them exhausted.
Allow them to slowly regain momentum and focus on victories as you make these changes.
With a little time and kindness, you will be helping your children find their way through these problems.
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