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The beginning of the end was a creeping process that got lost in the chaos of everyday life.
The hair was less shiny, the smile became a little dull, walking on high heels was a risk of accidents - in short: I was losing weight, my youth was gone.
From a physiological point of view, we actually go downhill from the age of 20: The production of the alveoli decreases (stair hackling), the skin loses its elasticity (creased face), the number of hair cells in the cochlea decreases (club deafness).
But while at this age you can still flirt with a loss of fitness thanks to excessive partying, things get serious after 50.
At some point came the moment when I realized that I was not only being ignored like something transparent or particularly boring, but that I was also being viewed as obsolete.
That they could spit on my head, that they could attack me.
Older + weaker = defenseless
Like all good epiphanies, the realization came in the supermarket, the proxy cosmos of the humanoids.
My son was standing at the refrigerated shelf when a teenager walked past him and hit him on the buttocks.
Strange behavior that made me ask what the young man was thinking.
Thinking, however, didn't seem to be his issue.
He ran straight towards me, very quickly, very aggressively, followed by five buddies who circled me and loomed over me.
The kid was standing right in front of me, I could smell his Red Bull breath and the mustache of his clothes, which had probably been lying in a corner of his teenage room for too long.
"A little eye level would be good," I thought, and giggled, because the teenager was so skinny and huge that I could barely catch a glimpse of his Adam's apple.
I'll spare you the dialogue, it was something with "What do you want, Alde?" And "I'll finish you off".
Outwardly I remained confident, but for the first time in such a situation I was seriously worried about getting on my hat.
I was conscious of old age and its physical vulnerability.
Older + weaker = defenseless was the name of the new bill.
Not nice.
Just a little respect
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I immediately thought of the old lady who, in my youth, always pushed herself into the bus with extended elbows and crutches, as in hand-to-hand combat training, and pushed us schoolchildren away like annoying insects.
As if she were threatened and had to fight us off.
Is this my future now?
Will I become one of those unbearable old people?
Too fat, too stingy, stubborn and paranoid?
One that you have to put on the crutches from time to time?
I just wanted a little respect.
Nice conversation, an explanation for bizarre behavior.
In truth, I've always acted a bit like an over-the-top old woman.
Quickly on the pinnacle, sometimes provocative, so as not to embarrass a confrontation.
So in a first step I could just shut up and not jump on every train.
Practice age-appropriate composure, so to speak.
Young people like themselves least of all
To my greatest amazement, I read in an interview that it is not the elderly who have an image problem.
The truth is, no age group is as hated as the under 30s, according to a new study.
Because they are perceived as spoiled, spoiled and disrespectful, it is said.
I immediately get in a good mood again.
The poor!
Young and despised by the elderly - that was our cardinal goal in the past, but is now obviously a cause for crying.
more on the subject
Prejudice against people under 30: "It's very difficult to be young these days" An interview by Helene Flachsenberg
And it gets even better: It's not just the old sacks: inside, today's teens and twenties find it stupid - the young people like themselves least of all.
What on earth is this telling us?
This self-contempt at such a young age - born out of financial crises and depression, as the author of the study claims?
From the knowledge that the parents' standard of living is not being achieved?
Oh please.
Isn't it generations Y and Z who value more free time and are willing to cut back financially for it?
Who - rightly - want to work less and live more?
Of course, zeitgeist and social environment play a role in growing up.
But don't we have to look to the parents of the under 30s, the boomers, ourselves?
Who we wrapped our kids in fluffy professional blankets, praised them and confirmed them so that today every constructive criticism such as libel or loss of identity occurs to them?
Haven't we taught them a strange attitude towards teachers and other authorities that later comes across as stubbornness and restlessness in the job?
Have we perhaps let it lack hardness at the right moment and fostered a self-pitying permanent sensitivity?
We older people would have to appear doubly unsympathetic on the popularity scale just because of our responsibility as parents.
Perhaps we can make up for that by refusing to divide ourselves, any nonsensical, talked-about generation conflict.
And simply record a lack of respect under "young and outrageous".