That's how I lost faith in myself.
I'm not good enough, not an exemplary wife, not kosher, not doing her husband's will.
He canceled my driving lessons with a romantic statement that every woman would want someone to drive her.
He's going to be my driver, I do not need a driver's license.
And the dinner I made by surprise, angrily tossed in the trash.
My long hair was trimmed in my sleep because a married woman should not have her hair lengthened, despite the head covering.
And when I would ask to be separated he would hug and cry, threatening to end his life, what has he got without me, I am his whole world.
And why am I bringing him to the edge?
Why do I make our beautiful lives unbearable?
The couple therapy also managed to turn in his favor and shatter my image.
Was a recorder and selector of the therapist's words and turns everything that was recommended in the treatment into my problem, my correction, something that only I have to solve.
and he?
The best there is.
After years of suffering another pregnancy came, and instead of being there for me, the violence only intensified.
Hair pulls, kicks to the stomach, I no longer pray to die because I have a child I am dying of afraid he will be left alone with.
The baby that came out of me in a loud howl penetrated my mind that I had to fight.
About our lives.
I first called Bat Melech to find out what I could do.
I first told someone about my life and explained that I could not walk away because he suspected me and was following me.
And she, like a good angel, listened and gave me hope.
Promised to get out there with the kids and think about all the details, and in the meantime I was asked to start getting organized for the exit.
relief!
On Friday we went to the couple therapist.
I plucked up courage and told him, "I am a battered woman, I am in danger. I intend to leave here for refuge. I am afraid to go home."
boom.
From the moment I said the words, everything rolled quickly.
He took me wildly to the vehicle, for a crazy ride during which he screamed that he would slaughter me and the girl and commit suicide.
I remember a huge stalemate and one last plea.
That it would not hurt her, that it would end quickly.
Let this suffering end.
We arrived, and I see the entrance to the building networked with mobility and neighbors.
My mother, who was in contact with the Bat Melech organization, saved our lives.
At noon on Friday I arrived at the shelter, a sweet and organized house, bustling with children rejoicing and women smiling.
A wonderful team led me towards the room where I would be staying for the foreseeable future, and amidst all the confusion and abysmal sadness I found a corner to lay my head.
I arrived at the shelter.
Home.
I went back to believing in myself.
I'm good.
I'm capable.
I was enveloped in so much warmth and love alongside qualified and understanding professional women who gave me a big boost going forward, and thanks to them I achieved so much light in my life.
Today I am in a new relationship full of support and inclusion, able to realize my abilities in all areas of my life.
I'm at the beginning of the process of setting up my business, and another hand is outstretched.
If there is anyone here who identifies with my story, who feels she is on one of the points in this sequence - stop, call the emergency lines of one of the aid organizations and let their representatives give you a hand.
Everything will turn out for the better.
Were we wrong?
Fixed!
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