Even though most parents understand that divorce has a profound impact on their children, they feel pressured to co-operate as parents and share parenthood after divorce.
Some divorced mothers and fathers said that because of the tension with their ex-spouse, their children could feel pressure and make behaviors that hurt themselves. After seeking third-party assistance, both parties became rational and regarded each other as negotiation partners and returned the focus to care. Child.
There is also a young man who grew up in a divorced family who said that when his parents divorced, he was emotionally trapped because he did not explain the reasons to him. "Suddenly the housing company was so personal that it was a big blow to me." His personality changed as a result. If you are withdrawn, it is difficult to open your heart to others. It is recommended that divorced parents explain their separation decision to their children and also provide them with emotional support.
The Hong Kong Catholic Marriage Counseling Association, Qin He Fang, conducted a survey on the "Five Pressures of Divorced Parents Sharing Parenthood" and found that more than half of the divorced parents interviewed felt a lot of pressure on parental cooperation.
(Photo by Lu Ningmin)
The Hong Kong Catholic Marriage Counseling Association, Qin He Fang, conducted a survey on the "Five Pressures of Divorced Parents Sharing Parenthood" and found that more than half of the divorced parents interviewed felt a lot of pressure on parental cooperation.
Vicky, who has a 3-year-old son, divorced her husband. The relationship was very tense for a time. "The biggest pressure is from the time of separation and divorce, tightening the lawsuits. We rely on the lawyer’s email to communicate. We went from getting married to separating, and then because It's a difficult task to take care of our children and bury us."
She described that her son could not understand why her father turned from a family member to an enemy at first. Both parents also believed that the divorce had tainted the family and made her feel very stressed.
People who come here urge not to deprive children of their right to be loved
"Slowly I found out that I would not see my dad? From the time I ate together, I only met at the Qinhefang at Yijia. Later he realized that his parents can't get along well in the same space."
Vicky described the child's emotions as very sensitive, and his son scratched his skin because he felt the pressure of his parents.
Vicky later asked Qinhefang for help, hoping that he could become the one who took the initiative to let go of his hatred. After about a year of counseling, the relationship with her ex-husband has eased. The head family has not been scattered."
Vicky tried every means to prevent his ex-husband from meeting with his son. Later, for the sake of his son's well-being, he took the initiative to seek help, let go of hatred, and was able to calmly discuss with his ex-husband about taking care of the children.
(Photo by Lu Ningmin)
Vicky reminded other divorced parents that parents’ hatred affects their children’s growth, and urged not to deprive their children of their right to be loved because of divorce. "I used to hate each other so much. There are so many ways to make it difficult for him to see him, but I have no right. Deprive Dad of the right to love him."
She also encourages divorced parents not to live in the shadows. "Divorce is not a humiliating thing, it is just about facing one's own feelings honestly." She believes that as long as the former spouse is regarded as a negotiation partner, it will be easier to share parenthood. "As a cooperation "Partners want a win-win situation. In fact, everyone is a good boy."
Wasn't able to see his children take the initiative to visit but was called the police by his ex-wife for seven months
The shared parental pressure faced by parents living with and not living together is actually not the same.
After Mr. Fang separated from his ex-wife who had been married for ten years, his ex-wife brought up a pair of children. "At first I thought that I could meet the children if we were apart, but it turned out that the two parties had a lot of entanglements. , But it’s so difficult. The longest time I have tried for seven months, I haven’t seen the opposite son."
Mr. Fang once missed a pair of children. In addition to proactively contacting his ex-wife, he also tried to visit the children at the other party's residence without notifying the other party.
(Photo by Lu Ningmin)
Mr. Fang once missed a pair of children. In addition to proactively contacting his ex-wife, he also tried to visit the children at the other party’s residence without notifying the other party. "The other party’s house and business people are staying here. Actually, he is happy to see me. But after two weeks, I received a letter from the lawyer.” It turned out that his ex-wife reported to the police station afterwards, saying that Mr. Fang was a violent father and that the incident affected him and his pair of children.
A pair of children also felt the negative emotions of their parents. Mr. Fang described that the 8-year-old daughter would pluck out all her eyebrows, and would also "piss urine", and the son would continue to drill holes in the wall. Children want to see and often dream about them.
After counseling and mediation by Qinhefang, both Mr. Fang and his ex-wife realized that they also hope to rely on the happiness of the children in the end.
Now Mr. Fang can visit his pair of children regularly, and his relationship with them has become healthier. "In the beginning, it was unnatural to shake hands and hug him, but after about three months it will be fine. Live me".
He said frankly that it is not easy for non-cohabiting parents to face the broken relationship head-on. "The ex-wife has a boyfriend. When the children see me back, they will call me uncle. After three months, they will know me and be a father." Mr. Fang laughed Yan doesn't mind, and he learns not to ask about the details of each other's life, and puts the focus on his children.
He pointed out that divorce between husbands and wives has a profound impact on their children, and he called for serious consideration before making a decision. "The cost of divorce is so great, and the trauma to the family is so great. Both parents and children will feel so broken. It takes a lot of time to repair it, but as long as you have the heart, It will be effective."
Unforgettable parents are divorced but they are kept in the dark: Suddenly the house and enterprise are not personal
A Jia, who is now a college student, his parents divorced when he was 7 years old, but they never explained the reason to him. "Zhong wants to be a social worker to tell me that my parents will be separated for a while, and I know that Qu Yi is about to divorce suddenly. There was no one in the house, and I was so confused at the time."
A Jia confessed that he had a deep relationship with his mother. Her departure made him lose support and her personality became withdrawn. "I don’t take the initiative to tell my dad how he feels, because I think my dad is reluctant to tell me about him." On the way to growing up, he is also used to building high walls to close himself.
A Jia (left)'s parents divorced when he was 7 years old, but they never explained the reason to him, which made him always worry about it.
Next to it is Huang Baowei, a co-parenting social worker at the Shared Parenting Support Center (Kowloon East) of the Hong Kong Catholic Marriage Counselling Association's Qin He Fang.
(Photo by Lu Ningmin)
The divorce of her parents made A Jia independent. "I prefer to make decisions about food, clothing, housing, and transportation. I decide to study and choose subjects by myself. I also know that when there is a conflict with my brother, there will be no help."
He also admitted that his parents’ divorced experience influenced his choice of partner. “I will pay attention to whether the other person will confess his own affairs, because my parents tend to embed myself. I hope that people around me who have a close relationship with me, including friends and partners , You can confess to me."
Fortunately, A Jia met a social worker in a community center when he was a child, who led a group of children to compose music and encouraged him to write a song about his parents’ divorce, expressing his long-suppressed aspirations.
At present, Ajia can meet his mother freely. He believes that stable contact with non-resident parents is very important for the children. "At least knowing that there is a way to get it, if it disappears completely, it will feel comfortable."
He urged that if the couple must go to the divorce step, they should also consider the impact on their children and try to prepare their children as much as possible. "At that time, I shouted to be patient, because the separation of the parents was a big blow to the children. I hope that the parents will not do anything. Although the children may not be able to help, as children, they have the right to know that something serious is happening."
A Jia said frankly that if his parents could confess to him at the beginning, they might be more considerate of their difficulties.
According to the survey, more than half of the interviewed experts with divorced parents under great pressure on parental cooperation called for each other to be a partner [after divorce.
8] The growth of single parents breaks through the fear of marriage: rebuild the things that the older generation can't get [After the divorce.
7] A single daughter writes to her father: to marry a man who is not selfish like you [After divorce.
6] Mother has endured for 20 years before divorce affects female love: Require perfect marriage [After divorce.
5] Divorced Family Counseling Specialist Visiting Center is insufficiently subsidized and requires self-financed rent [After divorce.
3] The self-improvement and fear of single mothers: I turned out to be a very stressed girl [After the divorce.
4] Social workers with frequent divorced family issues: One person has to deal with 100 cases [After divorce.
2] It’s useless for single mothers to apply for jobs and childcare is difficult.
1] Parental education of single-parent trendy mothers: pick me up from school
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