These are four lessons I learned after being a mother

Adele's revelations in an interview with Oprah Winfrey 1:42

(CNN) -

My family of five, which includes my three children ages 11, 9 and 7, was at a local state park.

They wanted to go to the gift shop at the end of our visit.

"Mom, this is not the accessible entrance," said my 7-year-old son.

"You have to ask someone where to go."

My 9 year old son is disabled and uses a wheelchair.

The accessible entrance was closed, so we went to the main entrance, which had stairs.

It matters to my kids that we can all get somewhere, not just those of us who can use the stairs.

They also know how to ask for help.

Advocating has become second nature to them.

It is not something I have consciously taught you.

They have learned by watching my husband and me, and they are proud to advocate for our family's needs.

It's an important life skill that I didn't know they had learned until they demonstrated it in front of me.

Before I became a mother, I knew that I would support my children and teach them to take care of themselves and to function in the world.

What he didn't expect was how much he was going to learn from them.

These are some of my favorite lessons.

Advocacy is essential

When I learned to advocate for my disabled son, I didn't realize that my kids don't just watch when I intentionally teach them.

They also observe all the time.

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My children are quick to point out when an activity is not inclusive and adapt it to their needs.

When they go trick-or-treating on Halloween, two of them run to the door, ring the bell, and ask the resident to come down the steps to deliver the candy to their brother.

It is a strategy that they have discovered on their own through trial and error.

His brother is very happy to be included and to teach others to be inclusive as well.

They also imitate my way of defending rights.

Rather than get frustrated when a table is inaccessible in a restaurant, I do my best to explain our needs and ask for accommodations.

How I meet a challenge, educating people who can help us, is almost as important as achieving my goal.

"It's important to communicate our own needs directly, clearly and confidently, while respecting the rights of others," says Heather Watson-Perez, a clinical psychologist practicing in New Jersey.

"Modeling assertiveness helps children learn to adequately communicate their needs and to advocate for themselves."

As a result, I have seen my children advocate for themselves when they don't understand an assignment.

They are not afraid to speak to adults in authority.

And they understand that sometimes a situation can be reasonably changed if they express their needs or ask for accommodations.

All family time counts

I grew up as an only child in a single parent household, and when I became a mother, I was excited by the idea of ​​going on adventures as a member of a larger family. However, rides and attractions for children, such as amusement parks, bouncy castles, and even playgrounds, are not always a simple matter to navigate with my child's needs. Depending on where we go, we may have to split up so that each of my children can participate, which doesn't always lend itself to quality family time.

We find other times like going to the local botanical garden for a picnic, exploring the village library, or a family movie night at home.

We have figured out how to adapt activities like kayaking and snowtubing, and we found easily accessible beaches where we can all swim and play.

We try to go out so as not to be distracted by tasks or responsibilities around the house.

Children are excited to be together and have their parents' undivided attention.

"Children need special attention," says Jo-Ann Finkelstein, a clinical psychologist practicing in Chicago.

“Not all the time, but most of the time, and that's difficult in this multitasking world.

Spending quality time with children has significant effects on their well-being, such as better grades, mental health and social competence ”.

The key is to find adventures that we all like, and that we can easily enjoy.

Individual time is also important

My 9-year-old son has many medical and physical therapy appointments that are essential to his well-being.

But you also need time to just be a kid and do things you like, like playing basketball and swimming.

The same goes for my other two children.

Fostering each other's interests, such as playing team sports and attending Girl Scout meetings, helps them feel independent, connected with their peers, and fulfilled.

"The feeling of belonging is really critical to the healthy development of children, both physically and emotionally," says Yvonne Hansen, a clinical psychologist in private practice in New Jersey.

"When kids feel like they belong, they are more likely to be motivated, engaged, caring and willing to take risks."

When possible, I take one of them on a road trip or an evening that reflects their interests and allows me to give them full attention.

Children also like to support each other in their separate activities.

Due to time constraints, they have inadvertently ended up in each other's workouts or physical therapy sessions.

My neurotypical children encourage their brother in horse riding therapy, and my disabled son loves to watch soccer games and dribble a ball on the band.

We are always growing and changing

My kids are always trying new sports and clubs, deciding what feels right for them and changing their minds the following season.

They are discovering who they are and who they want to be.

They know very well that each person grows differently and at a different rate.

And they make breakthroughs related to their individual abilities that we all applaud.

Last year we celebrated when my daughter got a role in the play she wanted.

We also celebrated when my 9 year old son stood up independently for the first time.

I am growing too.

I am willing to learn things that I would not have found interesting before so that I can spend time with my children.

I have more patience than when I was younger.

I am also more flexible with the ever-changing needs in our lives.

I know that I will continue to teach my children what I already know.

But that, as we navigate life together, I too will learn.

- Jaclyn Greenberg writes about her experiences as a mother to her three young children.

He has written for The New York Times, HuffPost, Wired, Parents, and other sites.

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