The mind rules over the body 0:43
(CNN) -
One of the biggest trends this year is self-care, loosely defined as focusing on your own health and well-being in a calm, holistic and preventive way.
But what does that mean?
If we look at the “self-care” products that can be bought this holiday season, we will find an emphasis on hot baths with soothing bath salts, fluffy towels and silky body creams.
Don't forget the makeup, nail, massage and detox sets.
Calming apps
and fitness and eating
gadgets
are everywhere.
Self-care books, mindfulness journals, and affirmation card decks — there's something for everyone.
One store even lists "poo chairs" in the "self-care" category (I guess I get it).
Obviously all of these tools are great for reaching your self-care goals, but have you done the work to figure out what you need to focus on to really be well?
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To learn how to better focus our efforts to help ourselves, CNN contacted Dr. Cynthia Ackrill, stress management expert and editor of Contentment magazine, produced by the American Institute of Stress.
This conversation has been edited slightly for clarity.
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CNN: We hear a lot about how good self-care is for us, but I'm not sure many of us know how to best do it.
Ackrill:
Oh, as important as self-care is, I don't want it to feel like just another "duty" in your life, or something you have to "do right."
It's really just a process to start learning to recharge, and it's different for everyone.
Look at it from an energy perspective: are you doing enough to maintain your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual energy?
And by spiritual, I mean that sense of connection and being rooted in the bigger picture of life and in your faith, if that's important to you.
For most of the people I have worked with, the answer is, "No, I am exhausted, overwhelmed, exhausted."
There is no shame in this answer.
Not only have they not taught us to take care of our energy needs.
We have even been rewarded for ignoring them in the pursuit of "success."
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But you can start balancing your energy equation by making small changes to the decisions you make.
For some people, sleep is a good starting point as they are neglecting their sleep and suffering from it.
Others may want to work on cleaning up their diet to include healthier food options and less fast food.
Do you move enough?
Our brain is programmed to learn and grow through movement.
Do you go outside to take advantage of the benefits of nature?
Do you give yourself enough time to connect with others?
Maybe you need to schedule time with your friends or family.
Or you need more time alone, just to "be" and do the things that recharge you, whether it's reading a good novel, listening to music, or staying quiet and doing nothing.
It begins with an awareness, with compassion, not judgment, of how you are now compared to your prime.
Do you need more space and time to process your emotions and reach your best version?
And once you know that, you can start to adjust your life.
Mindful eating can change your eating habits and your life in general.
So you can start practicing it
CNN: Let's say I spend an afternoon focusing on what I need to do to be my best self, what should I ask myself to know that I am addressing my key needs?
I suggest that you set aside a few quiet hours, without distractions, to assess what you need most.
It is helpful for me to answer the following questions:
What is the most important thing to me?
Identifying your values helps you decide how to best use your energy.
What makes me strong?
Think about your life to date.
Take an online quiz that measures your strengths, like the VIA Institute on Character's free character strengths survey.
Taking advantage of strengths is very powerful.
Who am I in my prime?
Know your healthiest, happiest and strongest mentality to be able to practice it.
What has made me derail?
Another way of asking it: what is it that historically drains me physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually?
What do I need to decrease in each of those areas?
Now, what has worked in the past to help me achieve my best version?
What is it that normally recharges me physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually?
What do I need to add in each area?
Make a list of possible adjustments to get closer to balance.
Don't stop until you are at least 10. Be creative and have fun.
Consider double and triple benefit ideas.
For example, taking a walk with a friend outdoors gives me time in nature, exercise, and the energy of social connection.
Circle the first three ideas that seem most impactful to you.
These can become targets, eventually.
Check off the two that you find the easiest or most fun to accomplish.
These may be the first adjustments, as early success will fuel long-term success and keep you out of the "should" zone.
Create small SMART goals from them.
SMART goals are specific, measurable, action-based, realistic, and temporal.
Make a table, use an app, or put a star on your calendar.
(Adults like stars too.)
Then decide how you are going to celebrate your victory.
In this way, your brain will be prepared for more.
BONUS: Put your next review appointment on the calendar at once.
Now that you've prioritized your needs, realize that none of this can be accomplished overnight.
Don't say, "On Monday I'm going to have the perfect diet, I'm going to exercise, I'm going to reconnect with someone every day."
This is not a huge overhaul that seems daunting to begin with - your brain is too good to resist massive changes.
It's about starting to recognize how you can expend energy in a way that improves your well-being.
Maybe this week you will start by drinking more water and going to bed 10 minutes earlier, little things that are not going to provoke your resistance.
How about "fun" "trying" for the next several weeks?
Remember that self-care is not selfish.
It is not self-centered.
Self-care is leadership.
Actually, it is your responsibility to take care of the body, mind and spirit that you have been given.
This is how you can prosper and contribute.
However, we often discount ourselves in the equation of a successful life.
Clarify what it takes to thrive in this world and what you have to do to achieve it.
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CNN: What if we're not sure what will make us "prosper"?
Ackrill:
That is not surprising.
We were not taught to think about it for ourselves.
They told us what it was that would make us prosper, and I think this is one of the problems that causes stress to begin with.
Our culture trains us to look for external signs of whether we are doing well or not, rather than internal signs of whether we are doing well.
Asking what makes us prosper is an exploration.
It's about staying curious and staying on what matters to you and taking time to discover it with compassion and kindness, not judgment.
And know that it can evolve and change over time.
The pandemic left 53 million extra cases of depression 1:10
CNN: How has the pandemic affected people's ability to practice self-care?
Ackrill:
Covid has done a masterful job of exposing all of our vulnerabilities.
And we are still recovering from it.
All the usual things that we are supposed to be aware of are now more difficult, and that has made us vulnerable.
We have been forced to rethink what is important, so I think there is also a concern that we will not cling to the lessons we have learned from all these losses and disruptions.
If what you are experiencing and feeling is interfering with your daily functions, please seek help.
Sometimes there is something that happens from a medical point of view, so we definitely want to rule it out before attributing our feelings of frustration or loss to grief or stress.
We have had to deal with many things and it may be too much for us.
There are many resources, many of them free.
There are people you can talk about your feelings with, and don't be ashamed of doing so - having someone who's not related to you to talk to can be enormously valuable.
You are a human being who is grieving and exhausted, and it is very, very hard.
I think it's time to give each other a big hug and face this uncertainty, exhaustion, exhaustion and frustration with some patience.
Let our disappointment be processed with some compassion and kindness.
Give yourself a hug.
You can close your eyes and visualize that feeling of comfort and warmth that a hug creates.
We can learn to create our own hugs, and then create more and give it to others.
The human experience is complex, so let's support each other.
Wouldn't that be one of the best results of all this covid mess?
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